Friday, April 22, 2005
Never one to tap ever so gently on the brake...
It's going to be a fullout of control spin.
- Evidently he still LIVES with his not-quite-divorced-yet-wife.
He can lie to my answering machine for a few days. Fuck. Fuckidy fuck fuck.
3:10 p.m. 2004-03-01b
So says my surrogate psychiatrist
On the way to work today I stopped and saw "My surrogate psychiatrist" Scary dan. Dan is better then
my real psychiatrist because he puts things into perspective for me.
Dan, "I just had to adopt the philosophy that I'm not going to go out with anyone who would go out
with me. That seemed to clear up a lot of issues."
Scary Dan has been my "surrogate psychiatrist" for many many years and unlike my real psychiatrist he
doesn't charge me $100 and make me cry. I just take him out to breakfast and I leave laughing.
Laughing is better than crying. Dan also pointed out the fact that I've cheated on The Captain twice with Kendoll
and the "Saturday night with the blonde bartender incident".
I'm calling us even.
The Captain is bringing his separation papers for me on Wednesday as I told him it was a requirement.
He's crying.
- I love you, I'm in love with you, I'll do anything...don't break my heart...
He is also changing his cell phone number because "Debbie the hooker" who he met in a restaurant in
November called him nine times this weekend wanting him to bail him out of jail. He thought he was
just lucky to have a cute blonde ask for his number. Can you people not see how this guy is PERFECT
for me?
From: Mom
Subject: Mel Gibson Movie
Against my better judgement, I went to see the Mel Gibson movie. They say the first few minutes grabs
you. Here is why. Why something is not quite right with the soul, the mind catches on first.
In the first few minutes, Jesus is in the garden, sweating blood because of what he knows he is going
to have to endure. The full moon is shineing brightly and Jesus with outstreatched arms, says Alah
and hebrew, and the words below say God, God, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me. I wonder
almost out loud, What is Jesus worshiping the muslim moon God Allah for. For one thing, the Bible
says My Father, not God, and the Hebrew word for elahh (which probably sounds like allah means God)
and alah means to lament.) Are we seeing a hoax here perhaps to join the muslims to the christian
faith and againt the jews?
Vote now! who's more insane, me or my mom. And remember folks,
They don't lock people up in maximum security for no reason
Probably.
Later kids.
9:05 a.m. 2004-03-02
Out of the darkness
Well I've taken my meds everyday for a week and FINALLY dont feel like crying or blowing my head off.
That's something. I've been dealing with this bipolar
shit most of my adult life so I'm really good at tricking people into thinking I'm ok when I'm not. I
have to use the pill thingie that my sister Wink bought me the
last time I got committed because I never can remember if I took one or not.
We got another warning about inappropriate internet use at work today. This is therapy for me. Do they
want me keeping all this shit inside until I explode? I think not. I think it's in their best interest
to keep me calm, that's all I'm saying.
How's that "Not Drinking" coming along? you may ask:
didn't kiss any guys/girls but I still called Scary Dan to come pick us up and drive us home because
even if you have 7 beers and don't feel drunk the cops still can throw you in jail. If I get thrown in
jail, I want to at least FEEL drunk. Stupid cops.
but not as tasty as my step mom rhubarb
punch. That rhubarb punch was mighty tasty.
looked depressed. He's hard to trick.
I've cut WAY back. I consider my first week of sobriety an overwhelming success.
Later kids
9:42 a.m. 2004-03-03
How to deal with con artists
also Why I am distrustful of men
also I use to be nice, now I am not
I haven't had a roommate for a year, that's why I so
broke now. My last roommate kind of ruined me about
getting another. We got along real good. He cleaned
the house and made me dinner. He was entertaining. I
like being entertained. Anyway, when he would meet
women in bars he would lie to them. They would leave
messages on my answering machine not unlike the one
that I left for The
Captain last Sunday that "The wife?" heard. The
Captain is entertaining and has some conman traits.
So until I see some bank statements and legal
documents I'm not believing a word coming out of his
mouth.
I've kept the emails from Mr.Clean just in case he
ever takes me to court. I probably can delete them
now. It's been a year after all. If you were a judge
who would you believe?
March 3, 2003
From: Mr.Clean
I will be home tonight to pay you rent.
I didn't get paid until today. I will also be bringing
my clothes back over
that were at Brookes. we finally broke up. God it took
forever.
I don't ever want another relationship again, now
matter how short.
jeffrey
From: Me
- Too fucking late
March 4, 2003
From: Mr.Clean
I just got your e-mail, what do you mean too fuckin
late?
If that is the case, then when can I get my things?
I have your money
From: Me
your stuff will be on the porch tomorrow.
From: Mr.Clean
Is there anything I can do to start all over? I
will give you the
rent. I just needed a little break. I will be there
and stay there. Please
let me stay, I will do whatever it takes if you let
me.
From: Me
Nope.
From: Mr.Clean
Okay then, I am sorry to say the least. Can you tell
me a time when I can
come and pack it all up?
From: Me
After 7:00pm
From: Mr.Clean
ok, I will be there tomorrow to pack it up and clean
the room.
Sorry for the way it has been.
From: Mr.Clean
Can I have at least until Friday to find another
place?
From: Me
Nope.
From: Mr.Clean
I just want you to know that I am really sorry. There
has been a lot going
in my life lately and I just didn't know how to handle
it all..
From: Me
shouldn't you be at work?
From: Mr.Clean
I am at work, I really am sorry. I have been
thinking about my dad and
brother a lot lately, and I just didnt know how to
deal with it.
I wasn't even talking to my family lately. I just
wanted to be alone.
From: Me
- well you can be alone now.
From: Mr.Clean
I guess I have no choice. I will go looking for a
place tonight.
I know you are fed up and I dont blame you, but if you
would reconsider, you
will see a change for sure.
I dont even drink anymore, I havent in god knows how
long.
From: Me
Too bad you didn't think of emailing me like Friday
and telling me then. I know you know how to use a
phone. Hope you are happier at your new
residence.
From: Mr.Clean
I wish I would have too, but I was just ina
mood where I didnt want
to see anyone. There is a reason why, when my father
died, I talked to hime
on the phone before he passed away. He asked me if I
was going to see him
before he passes and I said yes, well you know what, I
was on a fire and I
couldnt get out in time. By time I got there he had
died. Those are the last
words I remember and I have to live with it.
No body can understand how I feel accept me. I finally
went to a counsepor
yesterday evening to talk about it.
And I don't have a new residence either.
From: Me
Oh give me a fucking break. You called and said you
had the $50 in your pocket ... tell it to your next
landlord. Also for your sake I hope "Lee" is a friend
of yours and not just someone you are scamming.
From: Mr.Clean
I did have your money in my pocket. I also have your
rent in my pocket to.
But I guess you dont need it.
From: Me
guess not
From: Mr.Clean
Once again, I am sorry. I will be there tomorrow
to get my things and
clean up the room.
From: Mr.Clean
I haven't even been snowboarding in the past month
either.
Can you tell me what made you decide to evict me, was
it because I was a few
days late on the rent?
From: Me
no. had you been in touch and told me you would not
get paid until now I would have let it slide. The $50
pissed me off along with "Lee" .
From: Mr.Clean
I did stop by to leave the $50.00, but I didn't have
my keys and it wasn't
until yesterday that I found them.
Can I get maybee get my things after work?
From: Mr.Clean
Well I about ready to get off, so I will just wait
until tomorrow to come
over and get my things.
Sorry
March 7, 2003
From: Mr.Clean
Sorry I dodn't make it over last night. i am sick and
was looking for a
place to live pretty late lst night.
Let me know when this weekend will be good for you.
Also, if you want my
passes to schweitzer, you can have them, I wont be
going anymore as my back
is screwed up again. I fell and messed it up.
jeffrey
I will clean the room all up and do the walls to so it
isnt dirty at all.
March 27
From: Mr.Clean
I am getting a vehicle this weekend to move my crap. I
also need a copy of
the phone bill.
Yes, I will show you a copy of the
fucking $287 phone bill, you fucker
March 31
From: Mr.Clean
I am trying to get a hold of you about the phone bill.
Do you have a copy?
May 2,
From: Mr.Clean
Will you please answer my e-mails about the phone bill
and my crap that is
there.
from me:
- Recon
You should have picked up your shit a month ago when
you said you would.
GoodWill picked up most of the stuff last Thursday.
There are two boxes of yours still on the porch. one
with porn, 1 with stuff out of the desk feel free to
pick them up or they will be going to the dump.
*Lee - some old guy who sent him money believing
Mr.Clean was a women he met on the internet.
To the dump I go. I believe Mr.Clean is still in jail
for the "Lee" thing.
Other entertaining conmen:
The Swindler
but he was when I was really really young and an
idealist not the hard bitter woman that I am today.
I hope the Captain isn't blowing smoke up my ass. For his sake.
7:18 a.m. 2004-03-04
Paranoia
par·a·noi·a
( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-noi)
n.
A psychotic disorder characterized by delusions of persecution with or without grandeur, often
strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason.
Extreme, irrational distrust of others.
I use to think that satelite dishes were trying to read my thoughts.
Those who voted for mom. WRONG. It's a toss up.
I'm relatively "all better now".
If you all haven't noticed, I've been under a little bit of "emotional distress" the past few weeks.
Last Friday in my haste, I inadvertently pasted a link (they say porn but it was link to SaveCraig
Rosy Odonnell joke so it could have been a HELL of a lot worse) in to a service order which was
brought to the attention of my manager. What with that and with me thinking The Captain was pulling the wool over my eyes it kind of put me over
the edge.
Sometimes I care who reads this, sometimes I dont. It would never hold up in a court of law as I'm a
known liar.
By the way, I am reassured The Captain has the best of my interests at heart. The Rat(9) and I played
SkipO last night, (I won) then I beat her father into submission later downstairs where no one could
hear his screams.
I happy girl now.
2:10pm: Mr.Next just called to tell me that he didn't want anything but to
tell me that
"I am loved".
- Aw.
3:20pm A couple of network boys saw me in the hall and called me "Miss porno". Ha Ha, laugh at my
misfortune will you? Luckily for me they haven't wandered to this site yet because they would be on
the floor laughing. Only a matter of time though. I am very fortunate to have a man who says I can
move in with him if needbe
3:25pm Mr Sta on the line right this minute, "are you married
yet?" He has known of me (one of those sisters) since high school and we date on and off, currently he
is at "off" status even though he did fix my garage door that I backed into for free.
Hung up on Mr.Sta for the 20th call today about the email virus - "your email account is being
disabled". Those virus makers are getting mighty tricky.
Mr.Sta would make a good boyfriend if he would quit standing me up and if I didn't have The Captain,
who I love today and who has never stood me up.
- Yet.
Three weeks in a row! Yea me.
Later kids.
P.S: if you happen to notice an increase in spelling errors it is due to the fact that Andrew at
diaryland is a lazy fucker who does not have spell check on entries and I'm trying not to
- "cut &
paste"
Three men told me they love me today, The Captain, Mr.Next and Mr.Sta. I must be loveable else those
boys are just saying that to trick me. Men think it's funny to trick me. It's not. It makes me angry.
I'm not very loveable when I'm angry. I'm scary.
7:15 a.m. 2004-03-05
got nothin
The Good Dan called around 8:00pm last night, just checking up on
me because I've been so depressed. He was the first boyfriend that I had that called every day. Captain Ron has called everyday since I gave him my phone number at
the Chinese Dance place. He called about 20 times on Sunday after "the wife"(verified legally
separated 2 1/2 years) called. She didn't say anything just "who is this?" I say, "well who did you
call?" and she hung up. The Captain said he told her that he was taking the kids and moving here with
me
- *he is not, maybe after the kids are out of school
off, not the fact that he is seeing me.
The Captain said he "may" be over when he called at 7 but he was 3 hours away. Wednesday night he
brought me 2 cases of shrimp. If he had said he wouldn't be over then I would have melted butter and
put some garlic in it and had shrimp with garlic butter for dinner. He ended up not coming over but
that was after I had eaten something that wasn't garlicy for dinner. I bet if he knew that 3
ex-boyfriends and Bub & Miss Donna,
told me they loved me, he would have been over. I can't tell him that though, he's been a basket case
ever since Sunday because he thinks I'm going to dump him. He doesn't realize that it is going to take
a hell of a lot more than "the wife" calling me at my house and asking me who I am. He's just silly.
So last night it's just me and the cat watching survivor. Some people have a tougher time at life then
others. Here we have Sue who has to endure the touching of the penis of a fat gay guy. Yet down in
Africa we have children getting their arms hacked off who take it in better stride. What's obscene?
Body bags of young men & women but that's just me becase I'm a pacifist. That's lucky though because
if I wasn't a pacifist I might go around killing people who whine about getting touched by the penis
of a fat gay guy.
I'm thinking I need to take a leave of absence from work awhile and be in a less stressful
environment. We'll see.
Choices... it's all about choices. And Zoloft.
~ Crankychick ~
Its always the strangest things that remind me to stay on track.
~ Inhale ~
No one called today and told me they loved me. I tell you it's
- Feast or Famine
and end up in a ditch or something, dead & bleeding from his eyes unable to dial my number with his
last dying breath. That would suck. I could just be being paranoid - that was the orginal diagnosis,
- Acute Hallucinatory Paranoia
but that was when I was living with Steve the Weirdo & smoking
the resins off his hands everyday. I don't do that anymore. Or mushrooms. Store bought ones ok, but
not the mind-expanding ones because one thing that you don't want is my mind anymore expanded.
Trust me on this.
Later kids,
7:51 a.m. 2004-03-06
Two tickets to nowhere
Missyb and I were suppose to go to a concert last night but it was postponed until May so we went up
to the Dog bar. The General was there and we talked him and a
couple of his buddies into taking us dancing at the Chinese dance place.
His friend told two jokes that I wanted to remember but I only remember one of them.
- in response to "why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free?"
- why put up with a pig when all you want is the sausage?
That joke seemed funnier last night. The other joke was REALLY funny but I cant remember it. Or maybe
it was like this joke, funny last night - not so funny today. We'll never know.
As I am currently "off the market" The General turned his sites to Missyb.
- MissyB and the Ken Doll only went out to dinner that one time and he hasn't called
her again. He's such a prince
Anyway, we double teamed him on the dance floor, I told him, "This is your lucky day" even though he
didn't get lucky. Missyb & I are going out to the Horse bar tonight dancing. Maybe the Italian guy
will be there. I haven't been there in a month.
The Captainis on his way back to the coast and wont be back until next Wednesday. His daughter TheRat (9) has
strep throat. Even though I'm still spending Friday and Saturday night alone, he is still better than
the Kendoll, I just wish I would have snagged someone just a little bit closer to home.
I'm going skiing now. Well after I go get my car. Where is my car?
9:49 a.m. 2004-03-07
Inclined not to cheat
The Captain got a $500 cell phone bill sohe quit calling me so much. It's mostly his fault because I'm not a phone talker. I'm more of a "state
your business" and get off of the phone. I'm on the phone all day at work. I had a "talking to" last
week again because I come across the phone as "abrupt" or as the customer complaining about it "rude".
She was whining about spam mail and wanted me to send out an urgent message to everyone in the company
about it. It appears she interpeted it like I blew her off but that is not my decision to make as I am
nothing but a peon, I mentioned it to the team lead at the time though. I've been having more then my
normal "takin to"s at work here lately. I'd better straighten up.
Anyway, The Captain talks and talks about leases and easements and how he is going on jury duty and
other stuff that I barely listen too but I don't say, "I'm done talkin to you" and hang up like
I normally use to do with the Good Dan because Dan told me that
was ONE of the things that I did that really hurt his feelings. After a $500 phone bill though I bet
he is wishing that I had.
My cell phone bill was $53 but $45 of it was Scary Dans because he
has my 2nd phone in case I need to call him to come pick me up. He forgot to hang up for a couple of
hours. Sometimes Scary Dan is smart, sometimes he is not. He hung his head in shame for being stuipd
when I was yelling at him yesterday for running up my cell bill. I have some "man shit" that needs to
be done around here, I think he'll be working that cell phone bill off fixing things.
Mr.Standmeupyetagain and I are suppose to go to a movie this
afternoon, if he doesn't stand me up again. He's a good friend but a bad boyfriend because he is
always standing me up so he is demoted to friend status until further notice even though if he doesn't
stand me up today, it will be the 3rd time in a row and he was promised an upgrade way back in
December. He's had plenty of time to not stand me up when I was dating a boyfriend I was inclined to
cheat on. That's all I'm saying.
5:40 a.m. 2004-03-08
Parental Guidance
Sunday I called my Mom and told her that I was having to take
medication for depression again. She said, "well, don't take those mind control drugs too long, I did
and they just made me crazier".
Yes mom.
My Jeep had a check engine light on it when I pulled out of my garage.
- Fuckin great
I took it in them fuckers bent me over and it cost me
$2800 even though it's under warranty. My warranty company is going through bankruptcy but I should
get the money sometime this summer. I think I'll start riding my bike to work. Sure wouldn't hurt my
fat ass none. Maybe The Captain can fix it when he comes to town
this week. If so. He's got a FREE blow job coming. And dinner. Also free.
More inappropriate use of company email from one of my co-workers:
Twelve priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude,
in a garden while a sexy and beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced
before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate,with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest (Carlos). As she danced, his bell
began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the
ground. Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, bent over to pick
it up and set off all the other bells.
1:27pm I just realized my shirt was on backwards all day. I'm the smartest person on the planet I tell
ya.
Weekend Recap.
- MissyB and I were going to go to an Eddie Money concert but was postponed until May so we went up
to the Dog bar and talked The General into taking us dancing and
driving us home. Get your mind out of the gutter folks the only pumping and grinding done was on the
dance floor.
- Went skiing. Glorious. Went to the Horse bar and danced with the Itailian guy and the bad breath
guy who is a good dancer and didn't have bad breath for a change so now I have to come up with another
name for him. As I was leaving BBG came up and kissed me on the mouth before I could stop him as I
wasn't expecting it because I never played kissy face with him. Just so you folks know that it's not
always me who is the one kissing on folks. I need a ring or something to remind these jokers that I'm
off the market.
- Got stood up by Mr.Standmeupyetagain so I ended up walking to
the mall and seeing Starsky & Hutch which was stupid and funny so I was entertained. I'm past the
point on waiting on men at home when I could be out seeing a stupid but funny movie. That's all I'm
saying.
Scary Dan came over later and we watch a really bad movie,
"Beastmaster" which was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and discussed the cell phone bill. He
said that he doesn't remember talking for 2 1/2 hours so I'll probably have to call the phone company
and see what number was calling.
My life is rather dull lately. It normally doesn't stay dull very long so stick with me.
6:48 a.m. cluck hens.html
Fucking Hens
Both the hens Todd & Paul are working right now so I know that they are
not reading my diary. I SUSPECT that they both have been reading it so I locked it up. I will unlock
it when I know they are at work which is now. Otherwise, you may go to
If you need a password, please email me and I will send you one.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Fuckin Hens.
Updated 3/30/2005
Ok, it is partially unlocked but I may lock it back up at anytime if I find them boys lurking around.
Just letting you fine folks know.
6:51 a.m. 2004-03-09
who's counting
How's that not drinking coming along?
men kept filling up my glass
I declare the 2nd week of my sobriety an overwhelming success as well. And I didn't kiss anyone I
wasn't suppose to except for that BadBreathGuy at the Horse bar that snuck in a kiss when I was
leaving. I should have popped him one. I'm not counting that as me
- "getting out of line"
because it wasn't me doing the kissing.
WAD just ask me if I wanted to do the St.Patricks day thing on
Saturday. The weather guys say it is going to be nice so I think I'll be skiing instead of sitting in
a bar all damm day drinking beer and being out of control. At least I hope it's going to be nice out,
else I'll be sitting in a bar all damm day drinking beer and being out of control.
6:37 a.m. 2004-03-10
Who's Normal?
Last night on Rippleys believe it or not there was this guy hung by pins inbedded in his back hanging
under a helicopter flying over the Hollywood sign. I think to myself. I am less insane than that guy,
that's for sure.
Since locking this thing up outside of school hours, I have been getting more hits(unique hosts)
instead of less. That's kind of freaking me out. A lot of things freak me out. I'm having to look at
the raw logs stats and try to figure out who all the hell you people are. Sometimes I care, sometimes
I dont. I'm likely to change the password at any given moment.
The dullness of normalcy has taken over my brain. I'm going to have to go refill those stinking pills
next week. When you take them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY the bottle doesn't last as long. I'm only going
to take them until then end of April - that's when I see Dr.B
again and have to get my depakote level checked. After that, well we'll see. I dont like being normal.
10:00am boss called me into his office. I ALWAYS think I'm in trouble again when I get called in. He
just wanted a couple of year end reports. 10:18am Done. I rock.
12:42pm I've gained 7 pounds since taking the meds everyday. I'm not eating any different, it's water
weight that makes me bloated, they can put a man on the moon but they can't make anti psychotic drugs
that don't make me feel like a big fat cow.
picture courtesy of
Humandescent.com
I roller bladed for the first time this year. Six miles. Lots of rocks on the road yet, they need
to clean that up so I don't fall on my ass.
A normal-brained person would still be working on those year end reports instead of enjoying a
beautiful day rollerblading and playing on the internet.
2:00pm SusyQ the lady I walk with (2 miles) everyday for 1/2 hour said that I didn't seem insane to
her. I just think that she is easily tricked because she didn't notice. I forget sometimes that most
people just go by how sane you "look" as opposed to how you "think" even though sometimes I can look
into my eyes and see that I'm insane but I have the added advantage of looking both from the INSIDE
and the outside at the same time.
I figured out last night that I have been pacing. That is why I like to walk, I'm just pacing in a
straight line so it doesn't seem insane like walking back and forth. When I am home I go from room to
room, pacing but I didn't realize I was doing that until last night. I subconciously tricked myself.
4:39pm One of the ex's just called and talked to me
nice, we are going skiing next week. I'm tired of all the guys in THIS town. The Captain didn't call me all day yesterday so I don't know if he
will be in town tonight or tomorrow night. He needs to be calling me least I forget that I HAVE a
boyfriend, well a boyfriend that I'm not inclined to supplement.
8:00pm The Captain just called, he's so sweet.
He wont be in until this weekend so it's just me and the 
cat AGAIN, but my cat is not normal
either, she is pycho kitty. She seems normal to other folks but she doesn't trick me. I see right
through her
- "I love you mommy"
- "isn't it cute when I hit the delete button with my tail and you lose everything you've just
written"
and
- "you wouldn't ring my fuzzy little neck because I'm so cute"
tricks. Fucking cat aint normal.
Later kids.
6:57 a.m. 2004-03-11
Can you hear me now?
The Captainsays he doesn't have phone service on the island unless he climbs a rock but he tried his friends team
mobile phone and it works so he SAID he would get us new phones.
I still got that distrust thing going on because men lie to me all of the time so until I go over
there and see for myself, I'm only half believing everything coming out of his mouth.
You know what I hate, I hate waiting around for men to call. I really hated living out in Hell because the Good Dan would
always call and make sure I was home and not out having a good time. I'm thinking this long distance
thing might not work out or it might. Right this minute, I'm thinking might not but I'm likely to
change my mind at any given moment. I appear to be the slightest bit fickle.
Congrats to the baby makers Magic & Bub even though I try not to encourage that type of
irresponsibility.
Humandescent.com
Photoeditor in the hands of an incredibly talented psychotic
9:08am Joke from sister Murtle
Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were
the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I
got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been
completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his
fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in one year the
windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other
end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back.
Guess I must have won that silly argument.
"Imagine if your mother had said all her life that she
wanted her body to be used for science, and then her body
was used to test land mines. I think that is disturbing,
and I think there are some moral problems with deception
here,"
Did my six miles blading and my 2 mile walk. Just keeping track here so it's nothing you need to be
reading.
2:21pm
Can the stock market get any lower? YIKES! I think I'm going to have to marry money. I need to quit
telling men that I date that my goal in life is to become a widow. I've gotten lots of men backing off
of the "Marriage thing" by saying that. I need to shutup.
I'm locking up my machine when I go to lunch or on my walk now and changed my password as both of them
know it. A passive-aggressive move directed at the hens. I never USE to lock
it up.
I'm kind of cranky today, I'm thinking I may just go have ONE beer.
Later kids.
10:23 a.m. 2004-03-12
Come hither young man
I was 2 minutes late for work today which isn't too bad considering that I had to walk 2 miles to go
get my car and have a chat & coffee with the morning bartender and go fill up my car with gas then
stop by Jack in the Box to get one of those sour dough jacks I was craving because I didn't get any
dinner last night unless you count wine. Most people wouldn't count wine. Like if someone asked me
"hey what did you have for dinner last night?" and if I say, "wine" they would just look at me weird
so instead I would say, "nothing, that's why I was late and had to stop by Jack in the box and get
one of those sour dough jacks."
Myron's joke:
- The only time I lie is at the unemployment office
- Are you looking for a job?
- Yes, I am
Some young cutie pie guy was waving at me across the bar to go sit by him but I just shook my head no
because he was sitting by one of the wives who hates me because she thinks I'm after her husband but
I'm not. I think this cutie pie guy was a nephew or something of hers. So he comes over to where Myron
and I are sitting I tell him,
- "I have a boyfriend that I'm currently inclined not to cheat on and
that he(cutie pie guy) is WAY too young and didn't your mother ever tell you about women you meet in
bars?"
This did not deter him from playing kissyface with me. I never notice anyone else playing kissyface
but where ever I go, men just come up and kiss me.
ScaryDan picked me up because he owes me and I'm not walking home
from that bar at night anymore because a month ago a young lady(22) got killed and dumped in a lot
right around the same neighborhood that I walk through.
No more walking home.
I don't remember taking a shower last night but I must have because I woke up not smelling like
cigarettes and with wet-bed hair.
Choices:
- go out and have a good time kissing on young cutie pie guys and joking around with Myron
- OR
Stay home and wait for someone to climb on a rock so he can call me which he didn't
The Captainneeds to be getting me an expensive ring, preferably something hawkable, to ward off such occurrences.
That's what I'm thinking.
8:29 a.m. 2004-03-13
Go about my business, feeling fine
"you're fucking hilarious"
I'm pretty funny alright. While standing in line behind 500 other people I was trying to convice the
crowd control usher guy that I actually Jewel's secret lover. Unsuccessfuly.
- "No one knows that I'm her secret lover because it's a SECRET."
Dumbass usher guy who wouldn't let me in front of the line.
I ran in to one of my sisters friend Chris, the Troll, Tammy and one of the ice guys. The Venue holds
like 1500 people who have to stand in line. If I got my ass in gear I could set up a cart on the
sidewalk and make tons of money on concert nights. I'm thinkin' about doing that. Just thinking.
Jewel didn't allow drinks to be served during her concert but you could go into the other bar and get
a drink and bring it in so all she accomplished was to take wages away from miniumum waged waitresses
and bartendars in the concert bar.
I stopped by the Norm bar to see my girl Friday because I haven't seen her since...."the slight
indiscretion"
we're cool.
Some girl flipped me off as she and her boyfriend was leaving because he talked to me. He's a pig who
thinks he is SMOOTH but he's not, he's a pig. She shouldn't have flipped me off because I never
encouraged him. It's not my fault she chooses to be with a pig.
This kind of took me by surprise when
Hippy Dave says,
I think "What the hell?" but after a couple more drinks I think "what's one more old hippy guy seeing
my titties? Besides he asked so politely.
I'm going skiing.
8:55 a.m. 2004-03-14
Allah has a much greater punishment in store for you
The Captaincalled sounding distraught. He was trying to get a hold of me unsuccessfuly yesterday when I was
skiing to see if he could meet up with me at the airport because he borrowed a friends plane for the
afternoon. Poor guy sounded like his guts were in his throat. He's having a tough time of it right
now. His truck (towing a boat) broke down in Seattle and he has so many irons in the fire, everything
in his life is complicated.
- He said, "you're going to dump me like you did Ken because I'm never
there"
Na, I dumped Kendoll because he treated me like shit. I told him
that Ken called about 10:30pm last night and his offer was summarily dismissed. This did not seem to
comfort the Captain, knowing that ex's are calling me. So I didn't tell him about the Good Dan taking me out to lunch today. Ken's not the one he needs to
be worring about. The Captain doesn't need to worry at all actually. I love him today.
Meanwhile, as I have an uncomplicated life, skiing was glorious. I rode up once with this 10 year old
red headed girl who thought she had it good because her parents were divorced so she gets a ski pass
where her dad lives and one where her mom lives. It's all a matter of perspective.
I rode down the gondola with this nice goodlooking man named Mark who said "I was refreshing". He was
a nice guy but any one who knows me, knows how I feel about Marks.
6:30pm The Good Dan laughed at me telling him about me flashing old hippy Dave. Most folks would
figure that a night out on the town flashing old hippies is "not being good" however, if you happen to
be me, it's considered "tremendously behaved".
Again, just a matter of perspective.
I wandered over to the mall this afternoon and watched the Arabian horse movie. I haven't been on a
horse since college days when I got bucked off and I landed on pavement. I thought that all of my
brains were all over the road because I hit the back of my head. I was afraid to move so I just laid
there until one of the neighbors came and aske< "Are you ok?.
- "Are my brains all over the
road?"
When I was a kid I use to get on horses that hadn't been broken in yet and they would buck off my
shoes then me, then the saddle. One time my dad came running out to the field because I was just
sitting there and not getting up.
"Are you ok?" --
- "yup, just puttin on my shoes"
to grow up, the fact that I no longer ride horses that haven't been broken in yet goes in the "I'm an
adult now column". Yea me.
This is me medicated and sober and take a hit for me Mr.Spanky as I'm not partaking of the finer herbs
anymore either.
YIKES.
Later kids,
totallyworthless worthless.html
The Worthless One
Way back in 1991 I dated this
guy who was WORTHLESS. I told his mother that the only good thing I had to say about her son was that
I didn't have to worry about him shorting out. I yelled at his father for not teaching him any "Man
Skills". At the time he was living with me I decided to replace all of the crappy cabinet handles with
nice brass ones. My mom was over and said, "you should get Worthless to get the top ones since he is
so tall" I say
- "Mom, it's all I can do to get him on top at night"
Anyway, The Worthless One work at the same bank as The Troll and
I. Everyday I would leave him a suggestive letter on his desk. When I was cleaning out my desk
Saturday I found some copies of my letters to him.. This one was the first
Dear Piece-O-Meat: I just thought I'd let you know that my respect for you has vanished into thin air along with any
|
That was before everyone in the world had email.
One day Cuntzilla (the graveyard shift operator) found one of my notes referring to him as a
- "Thigh Plier"
- "Could it be the troat lozenges I am sucking on may
increase the suction muscles thus being beneficial to us both"
still in the printer and promptly brought it to the attention of my manager who, bless him, read it
OUTLOUD at the 2:00pm meeting the next day with tears running down his cheaks.
| Dear Degrader of fine women,
|
I have kept about a 100 or so of THESE letters. It's a good thing that I never intend to run for
public office because it would just be one scandal after another. Just like my life during "The Lost
Decade" which I am trying my hardest to remember parts of and write here because it was REALLY REALLY
fun,
I just can't remember it.
Later kids,
2:31 p.m. 2004-03-15
I feel all safe NOW.
My sister Murtle said my niece,(20) who is in the airforce, is going to Iraq.6:54 a.m. 2004-03-16
Suspicious Minds
How's that not drinking coming along?
Apparently "not" as I have to walk to my car. Men just fuck me up.
morning when I walked to my car. The day bartender and I could spot him as a loser even though he was
REALLY good looking. Scam artist. I told him(the bartendar) I'm usually attracted to men like that,
kind of surprised I haven't dated him yet, luckily I'm drinking coffee this morning instead of beer.
watered down drinks and 3 ultralights is like "TWO drinks"
have ONE but old hippy Dave was there and bought me two more just because he is a nice guy and not
because I flashed him Friday night. That was a freebe. I try to do what I can to make peoples lives a
bit brighter.
Week total
- wine 7
- beer 6
- Long Islands 2
15 divided by 7 days is only around 2 per day which, according to Dr.B is probably an unacceptable level. Sometimes there is no
pleasing some folks.
The Captain didn't call me all day yesterday again and he changed his cell number again so I can't
call him, how hard is it to call and say "this is my new cell number" ? I would like to believe him
but it has been my experience that you men are nothing but a bunch of dam liars, not all of you, some
of you are dead. ~Bartlett
3:14pm
TheCaptain just called and wont know until later tonight if he will be over this week or not. I don't
know what I'm going to do with him....just don't know. I probably should have asked him his cell
number when I was on the phone with him, it just didn't occur to me to ask. I think I'm becoming
dis-enchanted with The Captain.
Theory Conspiracy conspiracy.html
Lost in the land of OZ
A short incomplete list of the forces
out to get Mom and her family because "they see the truth".
decades. That and proof that the Rapture is right around the corner.
That's why they were ambushed.
security numbers so he could get a petition going to sue the government. He left a propaganda pamphlet
that he published in my sister's suitcase. She is too polite to tell him he is "full of shit". I am
not.
them".
intense push for antidepressant consumption. Updated 11/2/03
little or no control over a car when it begins to hydroplane. You are at the mercy of the Good Lord.
Updated 11/06/03
operations of the corrupt banking plutocracy that owns and rules America, and is gradually and
clandestinely imposing a worldwide tyranny on the rest of mankind. Understand how international
bankers gain control of America.Updated 11/11/03
makes suppliers follow its pricing decisions. Updated 12/01/03
(Besides the cross reminds of the voodoo films of priests warding off the evil spirits.)And I don't
want to keep him on that cross for my disobedience to his wishes
Updated 12/13/03
China has made it clear that they want to replace the United States
as
the predominant power in Asia and much of the rest of the developing
world.Updated 12/16/03
AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors. Updated
12/16/03
understanding of how the world has been being run?
Updated 2/20/04
here perhaps to join the muslims to the christian faith and againt the jews?
Updated 3/01/04
plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam
their minds and break that union with Christ.Updated 3/02/04
- Mom quote:"I hate to tell you, but I wasn't crazy"
the New World Order -
Revelations and Explanations
at http://www.infowars.com/transcripts/ degranpres.htm UPDATED 3/28/04
From http://www.rumormillnews.com/
Scalar scientist Tom Bearden on the possibility that scalar weapons may be use to trigger a
super-eruption at the Yellowstone calders and how such weapons can be used to intiate earthquakes and
volcanos.
Yes Mom, if it's on the Internet, it must be true.
UPDATED 3/28/04
18th century. The Illuminati is an important part of the Luciferian
plan to control an antichrist world order. Adam Weishaupt was the
initial framer of THE PLANUPDATED 5/19/04
5 Easy Steps To Create A Manchurian Candidate Updated 9-27-04
- All righty then
The Lost Decade insanity.html
Insanity flare up
I'm bi-polar. I got this link from Proofrok who is a much better communicator
then I am.
Excert on Bi-polar:
|
I take my meds when I am at the "depression" stage.
This is what happens when I'm about to be locked up insane.
I think that TV programs are trying to program my mind. Hard to explain. At one point when I lived
with Steve the Weirdo I thought the TV could see inside the living
room. I called 911 once and told them that MTV was scaring me. I had an out of the body death
experience and heard messages through the TV and radio telling me things. Even when I put on records
it didn't stop. It is like an acid trip from what I understand but I never took acid. I become "one
with the universe" ~ delusions of grandeur and paranoia.
I've been institutionalize 3 or 4
times. The last time. St. John's Wart tea set me off. Evidently I am not suppose to be drinking it. It
made me euphoric. Murtle, next time, if it is between a hospital
and a state institution please choose the hospital. My doc had it arranged for me to go to the
hospital but my sister, bless her anyway, stuck me in the institution because she had a friend working
there. Bad decision. Ambulance alone cost $750 fucking bucks. They wouldn't let me out, even though I
wasn't suicidal but apparently I had made some "threats" to my manager at work. At least I have
resources and a great family. My sister Wink said that she came to
see me every day I was in there but I don't remember so I have to take her word on it. I feel sorry
for the people who do not have a supportive family. Perceptionss.
9:07 a.m. 2004-03-17
Happy Saint Patrick's Day
or
Kiss Fuck me I'm Irish
It's been almost a month since I've been laid if you dont count my girl Friday, which was just a
one time lapse of judgment that I am so well known for. My well documented career as a wanton slut has
certainly taken an unfortunate hiatus.
"I was going to do an entry about how...ah, never mind. It was just going to be more complaining."
~ LivingWreck ~
Things to do on St. Patrick's Day beside drinking.
1. Find a midget (not a dwarf), hit him on the head and see if he gives you some gold pieces.
2. Wear green, no one wears green on St. Patrick's Day.
3. When the bars close find a passed out drunk and write things on him in permanent marker, drawing a
penis across the forehead is always fun.
4. Go up to drunk guys or girls (depending on your sex) and tell them to kiss you you're Irish, if
they do then say "do me I'm Irish", it might just work.
5. Go over to someone's house that you don't like, give them green non-alcoholic beer but don't tell
them it's non-alcoholic and see if they act drunk.
6. Get some spoiled meat and make someone else eat it all the while telling them it's corned beef and
that's the way it's supposed to taste.
7. Put green food coloring in your mouth then run up to random people and tell them you just blew a
leprechaun.
8. If you find a leprechaun blow him to give a dose of reality to your fake story of blowing a
leprechaun.
9. Find someone that's Polish and beat the crap out of them.
10. If you're a guy unzip your pants in public and yell out "who wants to touch my shalalee", you
might find yourself in the drunk tank after all.
3:09 p.m. 2004-03-17
Cat People
My favorite sister Malibu Barbie & her friend JsCuteLittleFriend are working at my company this week (CPA's) so we went to Vietnamese
for lunch today. JCLF is going to Vegas with her sisters and new lawyer boyfriend is giving her $200
to take and gamble with. Any boyfriend who gives his girlfriend $200 to take to Vegas is OK in my
book. We talked about getting bit by dogs on the walk back. Once JCLF got bit in the ass by a dog and
ripped her new pants that she just bought. I got bitten when walking to the post office in Hell when I was living with the Good Dan. Both JCLF and I are now afraid of dogs, although JCLF is
more likely to use mace on them. My sister did not express an opinion one way or the other about dogs
but I know for a fact that she is a cat person as well. I do hope no cats were eaten during lunch. If
it was a dog, I wouldn't complain because if it was, it was mighty tasty.
If you are having problems seeing this site, (I am trying to lock it up without having to move or
REALLY lock it up because it pisses me off when people lock up their diarys that I'm reading) please
email me ms_k2@hotmail.com unless you are one of the Hens, they can go to hell.
Later kids,
5:00 a.m. 2004-03-18
She's such a freaky girl
Just when I think I've got it figured out someone, (we'll call him gerg69) emails me and says he can't see my site because he is
on a mac using a Safari browser. Can you see me now?
I'm trying to make this site only visible when the Hens are at work but I keep
changing my mind about it and fucking the scripting all up. I know that if I move they will just find
me there so this is just a little game I'm playing right now because I'm a paranoid freak.
Under the Contact there is a notify list. That is if you can see "contact section", I couldn't see it
under the Safari browser. If you join the notify list I will email you when I change the password or
move. I'm just getting too many readers that aren't leaving me notes so I don't know who they are.
They just read my site every day for free and think that I'm this weird insane person who doesn't need
to know their email. Well folks, that ain't right.
Of course they could just "wait it out" and check back during Monday - Friday 7am-4pm and read it for
free like they have been doing. Sometimes I care who reads this site. Sometimes I dont.
And dang that SaveCraig for being so
funny that I copy his url into a service order at work for the hens to trace back to my site.
No word from The Captain...I'm crushed, really, he'd better call
today because I'm going skiing with a bunch of guys tomorrow instead of working. I can't believe how
behaved I've been lately.
That behaving not going to last.
Courtney Love arrested atNYC nightspot
NEW YORK (AP) — A few hours after a loopy Late Show appearance in which she lifted her shirt to expose
her breasts at least six times, rocker Courtney Love was arrested early Thursday for allegedly
throwing a microphone stand and striking a man in the head.
- I'm thinking that that LOVE character has some behavior problems.
I'm not one to judge but I'm
guessing that when she dies, she's probably going to hell.
5:37 a.m. 2004-03-19
I'm sorry for anyone who is not me today
Last night MissyB invited me over for pizza and beer. Again no word from The Captain so I'm not sure if he is alive or dead. Have I told you
(men) lately how much I hate you? I HATE you.
I'm off skiing today suckers. Now skiing, I love.
I sent out a Notify list yesterday but I didn't get notified so I'm not sure it is working so I sent
another one. If you joined the list yesterday and got two notify notices, please disregard the 2nd
one. Thanks.
Later kids
lovetoski diamonds.html
Black Diamonds
Do you know what's better than taking a day
off work and going skiing? Going on a bus with 40 crazy people with a keg and vodka on the bus. that's
what.
The guy sitting next to me told me he would give me a dollar to eat a bananna. I got it up to $5.00
because I know how to drive a hard bargan.
I told nice truck guy to make my vodka grapefruit drink weak as it was 8:00am but he apparently wasn't
listening. His girlfriend says " I think you should give Janet a hug" how often does one hear that?
Joke: two nuns were walking along when a couple of rapists came and started raping them. One nun
goes,
- "forgive him father, he knows not what he does"
- "this one here
does"
A joke about nuns getting raped may not sound very funny, yet it was.
Go figure.
My joke:
- Nancy & Wendy
Two blonde sisters were working on a house. Nancy who was nailing down siding, would reach into her
nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other
blonde(Wendy), figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
- "Why are you throwing those nails
away?"
- "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me I
throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
Wendy got completely pissed off and yelled,
- "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't
defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"
I skied with some snowboarders that go for 10 minutes then have to take a 5 minute break. Fuck you
guys... I came here to ski. See you at the lodge losers. Fucking snowboarders always wasting my time
sitting and resting up.
Sometimes I can judge my skill level.. sometimes I overestimate my skill level,
my inner thighs got quite the workout today.
This was a "work" bus ski trip. Every body knows me but they don't know who I am until we had to
introduce ourselves.
- I'm how can I help you? Janet at the helpdesk
Response:
I told them that when I'm bored, I randomly change passwords and revoke userids so the management
thinks we are busy thus giving me job security and if anyone on this bus gave me any more shit, come
Monday they are going to find themselves non-existant as far as the system goes and some one might
think of getting me a drink because how do you people expect me to sit here and not drink?
The final drops of the keg were finished at my house (as I have a party house). I believe I may have
kissed a half a dozen or so (fine young men) and then sent them on their merry way home.
I cannot believe how well behaved I've been lately.
So you think you want to kiss me do you?
I LOVE my life.
11:30 p.m. 2004-03-20
My best friends girl
The Captains friend Ruben took me out tonight he is currently sleeping upstairs. He has nothing "good"
to say about the Captain. Nothing. This is his BEST FRIEND. Humm. Ruban said the first time I saw you
I thought that you are WAY out of his league and someone must have been drunk. I'm not really sure if
I should take that as a compliment or not.
Ruben is taking me to a Metallica concert tomorrow night. Ruben would be a better person for me to
date however, I am not attracted to "stable men". Tis a shame. Maybe when I am OLDER.
metallica metallica.html
Off to Never Never Land
There was a 19 year old kid sitting next to me at
the Metallica concert last night.
Before the concertstarted he told me that he's sorry if he gets a little excited and goes out of control. I say, "out of
control is my middle name". Minutes of fun.
I told Ruben that Dumbass probably was there, he was. I saw him in
the hall and yelled, "hey Dumbass, where's Pete?".
That concert would have been more exciting had I'd been partying with Scary Dan all afternoon and took my sister Taz instead of my current
boyfriends friend who is a non-excited type of person and not been on anti-phycotic medication all
month and had a couple more drinks in me... I'm just saying, it would have been more enjoyable.
I always thought it was just me that has overwhelming urges to jump to my death off the balcony but
the 19 year old guy sitting next to me girlfriend said, "he just said the same thing". I like crazy 19
year old guys who get excited and want to jump to their death off of balconys. I don't know why that
is?
Ruben thinks that since he has told me that The Captain is an
- ass
- jerk
- non-reliable prick
that I should break up with him. Little does he realize that is what I normally date.
I only have to take my meds 2 more days then get my blood checked and I'm good for another year.
2004-03-21
I like being "not bored"
I made Ruben and I a wonderful omelet Sunday morning and we watched "Out of time", then went skiing
for 1/2 a day, watched "The Italian Job", went to the Metallica concert.
Sunday was a boring day. You wouldn't think it would be boring but the meds I have to take make my
brain bored. I don't like being bored. Ruben was not entertaining to me as most "NICE GUYS" bore me to
tears. I like being entertained. That good for nothing Captain best be coming to town this week and
entertain me. That's all I'm saying.
Later kids.
4:54 p.m. 2004-03-22
Another one bites the dust..
well, we'll see
Every time I meet a new guy I think that they may be the ONE. However, soon after, I realize that they
are just ANOTHER one. The Captain called and I told him that his
friend said he was 3 inches longer, 1 1/2 times thicker, and has twice as much stamina. This is a lie
of course, ~ OR ~ is it?
I like to keep my options open none the less.
To Everyone on the ski bus last Friday:
- Someone left a coat at my house. I'm guessing they MAY have
been a little drunk and forgot it.
It is at the helpdesk if you wish to pick it up but I will not be responsible for the ensuing
rumors.
Janet
I'm WAY cranky today.
10:07 a.m. 2004-03-23
one more way to identify the corpse
This morning -
I lose control again)
Still made it to work on time. Yea me.
I opened the psycho bitch door when I was talking to the Captain yesterday, not all the way open, just
enough to make him think twice about not keeping in touch. He dam well better be putting a twinkle in
my eye this week else that door is going to be swinging wide open. That would not be a "GOOD THING"
for anyone.
I had my review at work today, I told my boss that I always come out of those meetings with the
mindset "I think I need to work a little less". No worries. I have a job, getting a raise not now but
in July, my boss says," I would like to give everyone a raise now but everyone will get more if you
wait" I say, "sure those people are friends, but they are work friends so screw um".
I can alway tell that a lot of effort get put in to these "Performance Assessments". Example: Got me a
"7" out of ten on "Relationship Building"
- has this man even MET me?
and a "6" on "Market Insight"
- what the HELL does our company do anyway?
It's all nonsense.
My sister Malibu Barbie is working at my company this week. She
walked with SuzyQ and me today, she reads my diary but she never leaves me any comments. I think that
is kind of rude being my FAVORITE sister and all. She has stories as well, remind me to tell you
sometime of
- "THE DARK YEAR"
stripper) who help himself to her tips out of her tip jar. (Working 3 jobs to put herself through
college by the way) She, being the ever so diligent accountant, caught him. She passive/aggressively
from then on wrote the total amount of money she was suppose to have in the tip jar.
Don't get me
started about her bonds that she had when she was little and gave to dad who cashed them in to pay her
child support.
That's HER story.
- I forgot about the bond story. She would always save her money when she was little and give it to
dad to buy bonds. When she finished college she asked dad,
- "Hey dad, where are my bonds?"
"I gave them to your mother"
- Jen, "why would you do that?"
Conclusion: Dad=asshole
And why am I attracted to assholes you may ask? There ya be. Psych 101 folks.
Oops...I almost forgot to ask how's that
- NOT DRINKING
thing is coming along?
- Way better then last year when I cut my arm up after breaking into my house at 2:30am because I
lost my keys
drink at the Chinese Dance place to pick up the Captains friend Ruben, 2 glasses of wine at the Horse
bar with the Itailian guy, Ruben, & Bad Breath Guy
I'm guessing Dr.B is going to bitch about that amount which is
MORE than 2 1/2 per day,
- THAT IS
that lying up from my Dad and you fucking lying men.
Later kids
7:20 a.m. 2004-03-24
Anything but typical
The guy who organized the ski bus trip invitedme to the Country bar last night. That's the third time I've been in that bar. The first time was with
Mr.Next who left and I had to walk home, the second time is when I
met that guy who on our first date my friend Karl came up and
kissed me so it scared him away. Cant remember his name right this minute.. I shall look it up later.
Mr.GD that's his name. A couple of months is a long time in my
crazy world.
A couple of the regulars came up to me and said, "nice to see you again".. who the hell are you
people? I hate it when people remember me.
I sat at Mr.Skibus's table along with a half dozen fine young things and one old guy who use to work
with me. He says, "do you know who I am?" I say, "all you old guys look alike to me", He was a lady at
works lousy ex-husband and was puffing himself up because he knew me. I say,
- I know who you are now, you have more hair then I remember you having, are you using that Rogain
stuff?
All the other guys laughed at him. I like making men the butt of my jokes, especially lousy
ex-husbands of friends of mine.
I didn't have to buy one drink, not one. Ya gotta like that. Both the guys sitting by me have been put
into the "possible next one if The Captain doesn't pick up the pace" category. I was whining because I
haven't been laid in a month but Mr.Dreamy eyes said he hadn't had any in a year and a half.
YIKES.
It'll be a cold day in hell before I go a year and a half unless I'm in some kind of coma or something
and there are no perv graveyard shift assistants working. You may as well pull the plug.
That's
all I'm saying.
ScaryDan had to come pick me up, I'm guessing I'd better take him
out to dinner this weekend unless the Captain is in town. I best not be able to walk come Monday...I
mean it.
Fucking month.
11:27am -- bored bored bored. I wish you people would entertain me today
I fixed the "hiding from the Hens" Script:
script
var x= new Date();
var dayofweek = x.getDay();
var y=new Date();
var h=y.getHours();
var xframes="n"
var xweekend="n"
var xhens="n"
var xok="n"
if(h>6&&h<16) xhens="y" length ="=" xframes="n" xframes="y" dayofweek="=" xweekend="y" dayofweek="=" xweekend="y" xframes="=" xhens="=" xweekend="=" xok="y" xframes="=" xok="y" xok="=" location="http://miss--k2.diaryland.com">
So if you can't see my site and you get the little kid flipping you off that is why.
I almost feel like working. I'll try to shake that off.
11:37am perhaps I'll take this opportunity to clean my desk
12:44pm med free one day.. just waiting until the sanity wanes and then I can be entertained by the
voices in my head.
12:47pm I'm wondering if they ever monitor my internet use, oops the boss, got to look busy
12:54pm Whew, close one. Where does that SaveCraig get all that funny shit. I think I'll randomly read his diary today even
though he is responsible for the HENS finding my diary in the first place.
SAVECRAIG Quotes:
- I saw a guy at lunch with red string stuck to his butt, I would've said something but then I'd be
telling a guy that I was looking at his butt.
annoying girl just asked how my weekend was, I replied 'fine'.
I didn't ask how her weekend was because if I did I'd still be listening to her instead of typing
this.
- I just saw a guy with a button on his coat that said 'No War', at home he probably has a poster
that says 'Gore/ Lieberman in 2000!'
Talk about backing the wrong horse.
1:15pm Pretty funny stuff folks. Time for my 1/2 hour break in ten minutes.
2:10pm back from my 2 mile walk with SuzyQ. It was crappy outside so we walked down in the tunnel.
Luckily for me it was nice when I walked to my car this morning at 6:30am. I'm hungry today because I
didn't eat any dinner last night unless you count wine. I had two breakfasts though and tomato soup
for lunch. TheNewGuy has rocky road energy bars, I think he might be sharing one of those bars with
me.
YIKES:
- Calories 210
- Fat 7
- Carbs 23
- Fiber 1
That's like 5 points and I'm only SUPPOSE to have 20 points all day.
No wonder I got a fucking fat ass.
Fucking NewGuy for sharing.
2:42pm More SaveCraig Quotes:
my office manager said she had a dream and I was in it, she said I was eating pudding (mmm, pudding)
and to be funny I shot it out of my nose...
that sounds about right.
3:18pm Tonya just called and said she would be over Friday to
clean the Weenie Wagon. I could save $30 and clean it myself but she needs the money and I hate to
clean. My first event is on April 3rd so hopefully I can make some money because I'm really poor. Not
poor enough to clean the Weenie Wagon myself but poor enough to whine about it.
3:22pm I wish the Captain would call and tell me he is coming to town
- OR
from last night who got my number but probably wont call because I said I had a boyfriend. How stupid
was that of me?
4:38pm got busy there for a minute updating an "ANAL Report". Earned my keep today.
4:46pm blogrolling is down. That sucks because I blog roll all you people. I wonder if Joe Cartoon has
anything new for me?
4:47pm Nope.
4:49pm The Onion: Hippie Will Tell You What The Real Crime Is
Wait a minute is Hippy spelled
"HIPPY" or "HIPPIE"?
I'll take this opportunity to look it up for you folks.
hip·pie also hip·py ( P )
Pronunciation Key (hp)
n. pl. hip·pies
- A person who opposes and rejects many of the conventional standards and customs of society,
especially one who advocates extreme liberalism in sociopolitical attitudes and lifestyles.
Now you know.
Jim Anchower
5:12pm Then there's this war. Man, that shit is fucked up. We sure showed that crazy camel-fucker
who's boss. I just wish it would've taken a little longer. I had this great idea for a T-shirt. It's a
picture of Saddam Hussein, and it's got a target on him, and it says "Saddam's Insane," 'cause that
guy is nuts.
5:16pm There are 444 messages in my deleted items from the last 2 days. I wonder if they will let me
change my WORK internet email address.
5:17pm still no call from the Captain. I'm calling him...no answer. Probably over on the Island and
not on the rock where he can get service. Of course there is the slightest chance that he is married
with 6 children and is just using me for sex or he lives with his mother and is using me as a cover
for his homosexuality. Fucking lying men.
TYPICAL.
5:52pmThe Captain just called and told me ithurts his feelings when I leave messages threating him with physical harm. AWE. I love him today.
Sure hope he's not lying.
Later kids.
10:57 a.m. 2004-03-25
lie to me somemore darlin
Apparently Tuesday night Mr.DreamyEyes called about 6 times but I didn't check my messages until
Wednesday night. The first time he called was at 9:30pm, I was at the Norm bar, and said, "This is Rob
just thought I'd give you a call" but the other 5 times he called he just hung up which I think is
rude but am willing to cut him some slack if the Captain doesn't come to town this weekend.
Mr.DreamyEyes is pretty.
Very busy today. Not really WORK related but Weenie Wagon work related. I picked up like 9 horse shows
at the fair ground because their normal vendor quit. Whoo hoo!
This is odd, The Captain told me last night that the new cell phone that he just got is in the "not
quite x-wife's" name and the last time she saw a call to me on the bill she tried to sratch his eyes
out.
- Hummm...
Very odd, I'm thinking The Captain might just be "full of shit" kind of a guy. We'll see.
You gotta love Australians though. Bless their little hearts.
~ Edgarfrog ~
Such a sweet lovely entry. I wish more of you people would write about such things without having
names like "fuckmeharder" in the domain name. Edgarfrog just sounds like a site about a frog named
Edgar but really it's all about butt fucking and other such topics. See folks, I'm at work here and
"Fuckmeharder" would likely set off the "PORN FLAG" where as "EdgarFrog" would not. Unless they read
an entry, any entry, then it would be, "I'd like to see you in my office" again.
I changed my work internet address. It's nice not to have to filter through 200 crap emails a day.
Although I do miss the FREE PORN.
This is my favorite picture ofmy little sis Malibu Barbie with Garfield. She was somewhat of a homely child yet she is not homely
looking any more. So if you happen to have a homely looking kid and you're thinking,
- "God what did
I do to deserve this butt ugly child,"
there are plenty of cute kids that grow up to be BUTT UGLY adults so you cant always figure it out.
I'm glad I didn't have any. That's just one less thing I have to worry about. It's great to be me, no
worrys, except for the fucking lying men in my life but that's mostly my fault because I find fucking
lying men entertaining.
- It's a flaw.
Explain something to me, will you people? Why are those smilie folks so pushy? Poping up in my face
all of the time, spamming me. Has anyone ever actually BOUGHT a smilie? EVER. I'm taking your silence
as a no.
10:01 a.m. 2004-03-26
Fine, call the police
Under the heading of
NOT GOOD IDEAS:
because it was icky outside so you spent the day cleaning the Weenie Wagon because Tonya did such a
half assed job of cleaning it even though you paid her $30.
no matter how yummy those apple martinis are
drinking and/or are drunk about how little respect one has for the
current management
your money was spent on jager shots for Darla who is moving to England with
her yummy English boyfriend and apple martinis.
wallet when he should have just drove you home in a couple of hours
because he lives close by and whenever his BMW breaks down you let him
borrow your car for FREE until his car gets fixed.
more downtown to pick up another fare then wanted money and said he was
going to call the police.
- "fine, call the police, I'm calling Scary Dan"
Other then the fight with the cab driver I was relatively behaved and didn't
play kissy face with anybody as most of them were "work friends" and it's
just not a good idea to play kissy face with "work friends" like last Friday
night.
I've been on hold with American Express for a fucking hour.
Where's my car?
6:43 p.m. 2004-03-27
Egads, what has he done now?
The Captain called and told me that both his mom and the
not-quite-yet-ex-wife are having a "MEETING" with him tonight in Moses Lake but he doesn't know what
it is about. He did ask me not to answer the phone if it rings though. Maybe it's just me, but I find
that rather an odd request. Stay tuned.
Note: if you happen to pick up a friends wallet at the bar be sure to call and tell them that you have
the wallet before they spend all day canceling credit cards and looking for their passport. Just a
thought.
2004-03-28
You got another thing comin'
No word from The Captain. NONE. I'm thinking he got caught using
the trust fund money from his stepson to make a realestate deal and it fell through or maybe he lost
custody of the kids or maybe is lying in a ditch some where or maybe he knocked up some hooker. I just
don't know because the fucker hasn't called. I've had enough.
NEXT.
It's my one year aniversity at diaryland today.
A lot can happen in a year in my crazy world.
I've noticed that:
10:30pm knock knock... who's there? why it's the Captain who I haven't seen in a month and can only
stay 10 minutes. I gotta say folks, he sure stood up well to a full force pycho bitch from hell
yelling at him.
- How FUCKING hard is it to FUCKING call?
been married.
Apparently, the Saturday meeting was about me and him moving with the kids here. I told him,
- that
offer has been resinded
and further more, looking like a puppy who's been repeatively kicked will not cause me to withdraw the
demotion to "piece-o-meat".
He's on his way back to the coast, I got nothing, just a little kissyface. Man I did better with
the work ski bus guys I had no business kissing on. Sometimes life aint fair.
I should have stabbed him. Stabbed him in the eye. Then maybe he would think twice about not seeing me
for a month and not calling.
10:34 a.m. 2004-03-29
What happens at Fast Eddies
Big boss guy standing by my desk; I say,
- Please disregard our conversation last Friday night as I
was probably drunk and I've been lying to men in bars for many years
He says,
- What happens at Fast Eddies,
Stays at Fast Eddies
Cool.
ScaryDan came over yesterday after I had got back from skiing and
brought Crocodile Hunter, that Croc guy is INSANE. I took Dan to a Chinese buffet for picking
me up Friday night. When Dan was talking, there was one sentence of his that by the time he said the
last part of I had forgotten what the 1st part was so it made no sense. He normally makes sense.
We watched part of the old Star-trek movie when they were going through a worm hole Dan looks over
at me and says, "they way they are talking is part of the movie right?" I say, Well that makes sense.
2:55pm So I'm sitting in the dentist office waiting to pick up my whitening stuff and this nice man
and his wife who's arm was in a sling came in. I ask,
- "What did you beat her?"
The nice man asks me, "that's a strange thing to ask, have you been beaten?"
- Nope. Not tolerated in our family...and I proceed to tell of my great-grandfathers untimely death
from rat poison
The nice man says, "you remind me of our daughter, I told her we would have a better chance of getting
her married off if we would get a muzzle for her"
- What do you mean by that remark mister?
Receptionist says, "Father, we're ready for you now"
There ought to be a law that men of the cloth should tell you before you start flipping them shit. Man
if I don't end up in HELL for my fornicating around, it will be for not having one of those muzzle
things.
9:12 a.m. 2004-03-30
Reality for instance.
I got out bid on a espresso machine on Ebay yesterday.
Current price: US $355.00
Your maximum bid: $350.00
End date: Mar-29-04 12:57:18 PST
Good thing too as I have NO money and payroll screwed up because we were suppose to be paid today
but we're not getting paid until tomorrow. I think I have $3. I'd better make some Saturday at the
Ham radio show else can you say, "CASH ADVANCE".
How's that NOT DRINKING coming along?
Mr.DreamyEyes.
control if you count me talking to the big boss and getting in that fight with that cab driver. Some
people may not count THAT as being out of line. Some people would. Fuck them.
Captain was going to come to town or call.. which he did not. I haven't been getting laid a lot.
My sister Taz is coming to town Saturday night to party. She's
crazy. How she managed to stay out of mental wards all these years is beyond me. A lot of things
are beyond me, reality for instance as in
- re·al·i·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-l-t)
n. pl. re·al·i·ties
That which exists objectively and in fact: Your observations do not seem
to be about reality.
Edgar Frog: I was thinking
maybe AOL could just lower their price to like one dollar a month until gas prices go down.
- How that Edgar Frog:
manages to stay out of mental institutions is beyond me as well.
The Alton boys just called, "MissK your summer tires are bald"
- Can you pull out the studs on my winter tires and use them?
- please note: if you are a man and think this is a stupid question to ask. fuck
you
That would cost you more in labor then new tires.
Fuck.
3:21pm Just got off the phone with a guy who makes at least twice as much as I do because he sent an
email to his boss and it didn't show up in his
- "SENT ITEMS"
folder. Remoting into his pc I see he has sorted his SENT ITEMS folder by subject instead of by date
so I fix that.
- "Oh, there it is"
I say, "well don't you feel..."
- I hesitate due to me always being in trouble
He finishes my sentence with, "silly". Yes silly would be better to use while working with higher
ups than STUPID. Probably, but STUPID fits better. I love my job today, I shall
endeavor to use the adjective "Silly" instead of "Stupid" as long as I know deep down underneath, I
mean STUPID.
3:37 I'm just twirling around in my chair now. Well not RIGHT now. I had to stop because I was getting
dizzy.
I got my bald summer tires on now. TheNewGuy drove me to pick up my car. His car is a piece-o-shit, I
hope he gets hired for real (currently a temp) even though he is one of the Hens. Todd and TheNewGuy are into the GPS games and find trade toys then log it
into a website. I think it is stupid, oops, I meant "Silly".
3:52pm News of the Weird
- A case report in the January issue of the Indian Journal of Chest Diseases
and Allied Sciences described a 27-year-old woman with an unshakable cough who, based on a radiograph,
was found to have a condom lodged in her "upper right lobe bronchus," which eventually she disclosed
to doctors had happened because she had accidentally "inhaled" it during fellatio.
So glad it wasn't me "going down" in history for THAT. Excuse the pun.
Later kids.
8:57 a.m. 2004-03-31
Blondes are notorious whores
And me? I can't give it away. I got nothing. Ok maybe a little kissyface in the parking lot. That'll
hold me.
Mr.Dreamyeyes bought me a glass of wine but it was my 4th one so unless I wanted to get falling down
drunk, which I did not as it was a school night and it's just not a good idea to get falling down
drunk when you are trying to pick up a guy.
Leaving FREE wine on the table when I left, WASTEFUL. Mr.DreamyEyes is WAY too nice of a guy
for me, doesn't gamble, told the waitress to turn the music down when the Scorpions
came on when I was thinking "turn it up", encouraged me NOT to drink the 4th glass of wine even though
he bought it for me. I just can't figure you men out.
You're just silly.
- Please see yesterdays entry
regarding the word silly
Mr.Spanky asks:
- "What is the average survival rate of male creatures in your captivity?"
They all survive, scarred but alive. Normally after me, they settle down with a NICE girl and live
happily ever after except for Scary Dan.
Tell us how you really feel.
ASK A SLUT
- "What is the average survival rate of male creatures in your captivity?"
Who the hell cares?
Perhaps I'll be a little nicer once the bitterness of my last entanglement subsides. Don't hold your
breath.
3:04pm bitterness subsided - hopefully no one held their breath, sometimes it takes DAYS for me to
get over it.
All right then back on the horse. Reopened my Crack Ho
ad. Lets see what kind of responses I get this time.
So Mr Spanky, do you want a piece of me? One
would think that you would be thankful you live on the opposite side of the continent as I know you've
been reading me for sometime now. Are you just looking for trouble mister? Are ya?
It's fun to laugh at people who fall on their face
One of my skis fell off when I was getting on the lift because I hadn't kicked off all of the packed snow on my boot and it didn't lock in properly. They handed me my ski after stopping the lift and trying to reattach it to my boot unsuccessfully.
Luckily for me it was a slow day so there wasn't a line of people waiting to get on the lift while I was holding it up.
On the way up, I see some guy take a spectacular crash. His poles and skis are spread over a 100 yard area and he is lying on his back and not moving. When the lift is closer I yell, "are you going to live ?" he says "Probably" but still is laying spread eagle on the snow.
The lift operator at the top was talking to the ski patrol about the guy and asked me if he was ok ? I said, "he says he is ok but that he hadn't got up yet". As I have been skiing most of my life, getting off the lift has never been a problem, except when I'm on one ski. Right smack on my face. The lift operator laughed but then tried to cover it up by asking if I was hurt ?
Naw, just my dignity. AGAIN.
2004-02-02
I must have missed a memo
Manic Monday. Please somebody kill me.
Weekend Recap
Friday:
- Saw Big fish with MomAtWork, which was great then had a couple of martinis. We then went to the Norm Bar and drank wine and danced with old guys until Kendoll pick me up. He's being nice to me because he is out of a job and needs friends. He will probably return to being an asshole once he gets another job.
Saturday
All about Polly with Mr.Black, excellent movie, Mr.Black is a nice guy, he is on the back burner for now. Saturday night,
Old Marilyn Monroe movies with the cat. Very exciting.
Sunday
Skied for 1/2 day then I went to the
DogBar but no one I knew was there.
I asked some guy in the bar who was playing, he said
- "The Seahawks & The Yankees"
Fucking lying men in bars. My favorite commercial was the Referee - tuning out.
I left at half time and went over and ate pizza and drank more beer with
Missyb. Her birthday is Wednesday, I'm bringing her white Zin and getting her drunk.
12:54 p.m. 2004-02-03
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Goodness gracious, it's been busy at work. I'm not use to working, I'm use to being a slack off.
Mr.Black called last night about 9:30 asking if I was alone. That kind of weirded me out a little.Mr.Sta called yesterday, we are going to the Van Helsing movie when it comes out. That's about it. I only want to win the lottery ONCE. Is that too much to ask ? I think not. Back to work.
If I had the success to back up my delusions of grandeur I would be unstoppable.
~ TvZero ~
I apologize for the boringness of my entries as of late. I'll try to shake things up a bit.
Later kids
Happy birthday Almostaflake
3:13 p.m. 2004-02-04
tart, bitch, trollop not necessarily in that order
Everyday I walk two miles at work with SuziQ who is a very nice lady normally, however today she called me a tart, a bitch and a trollop not necessarily in that order. Some young cute guy walked by she said,
- "he could be my son"
- "he could be my young lover".
She told me to watch my language around this other guy who was behind us because he was really religious and I am always embarrassing her. He says,
- "you girls walk too fast, I'll just stay behind in the rear"
- "did you just say ?,
- 'you girls are too fast, I'm staying behind you so I can see your rears".
SuziQ calls me a tart.
I can't remember what I did to deserve to be called a bitch, I'm sure I deserved it though. I'm thinking it has to do with me saying that when she dies I'm going to tell her family I was her
- "life partner"
- "You bitch".
So what with walking to my car this morning at 5:30am which was at the Norm bar, that makes 4 miles. I owe Scary Dan dinner for picking me up but not tonight. Tonight I'm drinking White Zin with the birthday girl MissyB and her sister.
Today is not a good day to own CISCO.
YIKES.
Later kids.
4:06 p.m. 2004-02-05
you people go out & buy some fucking routers
Last night at MissyB's birthday party, her sister had brought over coconut cream pie and we drank wine and ate pie. I told MissyB that I bought her and I concert tickets for next month. That's just how fucking nice I am. One of her brothers was there as well. Last time I saw him he was trying to win a car at one of those "hang on the car the longest" wins the car contests. He hung on to the car over night but let go in the morning. So much for a free car.This has been the busiest week ever at work. EVER. I've been working so hard even Horseface emailed me three "ATTA GIRLS" and cc them to the boss. Our boss is looking for another job so I'm thinking I'm going to ask him for a big raise before he leaves because if I had a REAL boss there is no telling how long I'd last here what with all my slacking off and inappropriate internet use.
Routers people. Go out and buy some fucking routers.
4:31pm: KenDoll just called me at work which he has NEVER done before. He is coming over to night because he needs my help with something. Yea, I need something from him as well, too bad what I need is permanently attached to him.
Later kids.
8:59 a.m. 2004-02-06
what has love luck got to do with it
The KenDoll spent $400 on a "get rich quick on the internet" scheme from an infomercial and wanted to know if I could help him as he barely knows how to sign on to the email account I created for him. Some people may view having me for a girlfriend as BAD LUCK but I'm thinking having HIM for a boyfriend is just as unlucky.
Ken is just not salesperson material. My nephew who flunked kindergarten has more sales charisma then he does.
- Kid..it's 1 2 3
One time I had my nephew helping me with the Weenie Wagon and he stood on the corner yelling
HOTDOGS
at the top of his lungs for 2 hours straight. Just goes to show you that even if you flunk kindergarten, you may still turn out to be a valuable employee. First $5 the kid ever made. Yes I know that's only $2.50 an hour but if you want to make the big bucks, you need an education. So stay in school and hope that your mom didn't visit the shallow end of the pool during your conception like my sister did.
Well I spent all morning researching this company and I was going to test out the clock that he could buy for $12.95 Suggested retail price $37.95 but it was Unavailable due to being out of stock.
I found same clock on ebay for $8.50
The company said he could get the frogs for $11.65 & shipping and handling of $9.00. Retail price of $34.95. Same frogs $3.95 on Ebay. I can see where if you were on top of things you could make money at it but I'm telling him to try to get his money back because the only thing he's on top of ever is me.
I bid the Marilyn Monroe clock up to $20 but the seller has a reserve price on it. Tricky bugger.
It's a game folks.
Thanks to all you fine people who went out and bought routers yesterday. My day trading account is way up nevermind that it is down $1000 from last week. Just another game I play that doesn't require visits to the clinic.
I'm easy. when I'm drunk, why don't more people take advatage of me ?
~ Satellitebob ~
my life is like a hayride through deliverance
~ Common-tegus ~
I am not sure when it happened exactly but obviously my brain has become as robust as a sack of gravel.
~ Gutterpoet ~
Some one bid $20.50 on the clock. Well fuck them. I'm bidding $21.00 take that.
Time left on auction.. 7 hours 33 minutes.
- Seriously, I need to be locked up
 | Minutes of fun |
I'm bidding on those frogs too. $4.50 yup I'll get the clock or the frogs. Crap I just can't live without. I don't know how much money he expects to make with this
- Get rich quick on the internet scheme
all I'm gettin' is poorer and I am WAY smarter then he is. Ask anyone, anyone at all.
I just asked my boss for a raise. He said, "good luck" not like in
- I wish you good luck
- No chance in hell
How fair is that ?
I got high score of 1224.1 on the Smash the Penguin game. Savecraig got 1224.5 but I think I did all right for a girl.The KenDoll use to be a millionaire but ever since I've known him he hasn't had any money and he is quite bitter about it. It's going to be tough for him to find a job with the felony thing on his record. I'm not quite sure what that all was about because Ken is not a talker. He said something about his ex wife thinking he was threatening her and not stopping for the police when they wanted to talk to him. Felonies are bad because you can't get into Canada if you have one or if you have a DUI. I don't think that's very fair but being born with two heads isn't very fair either so it really all is a matter of perspective.
Someone just bid $4.75 on those frogs. I'll fix them. $6.50. Game on Fuckers.
It's kind of slow today. I think I call Ken.
Ken & I are going out for drinks and discuss his new business plan which will not include his
- Get rich quick on the internet scheme
Guess who gets to pay, that's right ME.
Dang my luck.
Later kids.
9:29 a.m. 2004-02-07
Running Amuck
I wish I had a dick so I could tell Ken to go suck it. We broke up again.- Get out...is that your quaint way of indicating dissmal ?
I wish he would have broken up with me after sex but I just couldn't bring myself to fetch him a beer and made him go get it himself and that pissed him off.
Hey Ken, Suck my dick.
Ken and I get along as long as we are not in public together. Whenever we are out in public like last night, he chases after every woman in the bar and says shit to me like "I should have come alone" and "look at all the women here I don't need you". And of course there is ME kissing on all the guys.
We ran into a couple of his friends at the Chinese dance place. Both of his friends were married but obviously big time hounddogs. They all got kisses.
- Remind me to never get married.
One of their friends, Mr. SanJuan Island Guy, who is in town visiting our fine city just happened to talk me out of my phone number. I think I'll be having me a little fling if he calls. Mr.SanJuan looks at me and says, "You're dangerous". He's just silly, why I can't even buy a gun.
Men tell you that they will call you but normally they are drunk when they say that and never call once sobered up but I hope Mr.SanJuan calls, he's dreamy and not a loser like Ken. I'm sick of dating fucking losers.
Later kids.
3:38 p.m. 2004-02-07
I tire of my current lover's neglect
I'm closer to despising you then I ever have been.
Mr.SanJuan called twice today but I forgot his real name. Perhaps I was a bit tipsy when we were formally introduced. He is on his way back to the SanWans but he said he would call me next week. I couldn't really talk to him because Scary Dan was here and then my sister Murtle and her boyfriend showed up. Maybe I should call Ken and see if he remembers it but Ken is not answering the phone. I did tell his machine that he could come over and I would help him set up a paypay account for his "Get rich quick Internet Scheme" thing even if last night I ended up not getting any after buying all of his drinks last night. That's just how fucking nice I am.
No matter. I have a date with the Good Dan tonight so I'm going out dancing. I hope I'm able to drive as Scary Dan and I have been partying this afternoon. I feel magnificently sleepy.
I LOVE my life.
Later kids.
9:32 a.m. 2004-02-08
No little blue pill required
Unless my legs miraculously solidify, I don't believe that I will be going skiing today.
- KenDoll, "I like you when you are nice. You were being a BITCH last night.
- Me, "I like YOU when YOU are nice you were being an ASS
He was VERY nice last night. I love him today. He went out with his two married hounddog friends who must have been talking nasty to him all night.
We get along really well as long as we don't go out in public together and I don't have to listen to him whine about how poor he is and how he could go home with other women. As a matter of fact last night when I was out with the Good Dan, I picked up 3 women. Dia,Trudy & MissLA.
MissLA said I smelled nice and was cute and danced with me and wanted my phone number. She said she wasn't gay but I'm thinking she may be just a little bit curious because she kept on looking at me curiously. I didn't tell MissLA that I had a
- "penis not really required policy"
she just must have picked up on that. I think men pick up on that too that is why I recon they like me, what with the challenge and all. All those women loved the Good Dan and kept asking me why he was my ex-boyfriend, everyone loves him but men to me anymore are just pieces of meat.
Gumby Bendables
Flex em, pose em, bend em however you like with these Gumby & Pokey bendables!
I got Gumby legs today. Guess I'll be crawlin' up them stairs. What can I say ?
I love meat.
Later kids.
3:48 p.m. 2004-02-09
Dear Dr. Kick, when am I real ?
Virginia Cunningham finds herself in a state insane asylum...and can't remember how she got there. The Snake Pit 1948
been there, done that. Not the "shock therapy" though, Mom did that. Mental instutions are not quite as glamorous as they make them out to be in movies.
Horseface updated my database this weekend or should I say, "fucked it all the hell up". Fucking dumb cunt. I'm having to have it restore from last Friday.
Mr.SanJuans guy called, I blew him off but he said he would be in town on Wednesday and take me out for a drink. He kept trying to talk to me when I SAID I was busy. I find men much less tolerable if I'm not drinking.
- Friday
Met some of Ken's friends & Mr.SanJuan at the Chinese dance place, kissed them all. You ass, you bitch fight with Ken. Didn't get any. - Saturday:
- Movies with Scary Dan and met some women who like to go out and dance when I was out with the Good Dan. The Good Dan says while we were at the table, "come out to the truck, I have something for you".
I of course start rubbing his upper inner thigh making my new friends think that I would be getting some but all I got was a box of chocolates for Valentines day.
Ken called at 1:30am. He's dreamy, I love him today.
- Sunday:
- Went to the Lost in Translation, I was not entertained. Stopped by the Dog Bar and talked to Karl. Scary Dan and I watched Biosphere (crappy movie) and I gave him the box of valentine candy that The Good Dan gave me. Well 1/2 the box that I hadn't shoveled into my face yet. I yelled at the Good Dan for bringing me chocolate instead of flowers or jewelry even though he legally isn't required to give me anything because we aren't together anymore. His stupid new girlfriend will probably get some though. I'll get nothing from Ken even though technically I've been his girlfriend for almost a year now. Fucking loser.
Weekend Recap:
I'm kind of cranky today.
None of the "Get rich on the Internet stuff" I was selling on Ebay for Ken sold. I hope he gets his $400 back.
9:12 a.m. 2004-02-10
Life AD
In Answer to Mr.Bub,
Yes, this is my life. Kind of dull now that I am older than dirt. I separate my life into before Dan, during Dan, after Dan. with Dan being the Good Dan.
- Back in the early years BD when I was dating Stevethe Werido and ScaryDan I wish I had a diary thing because I was somewhat "Out of Control" so there was some interesting living going on during that time. Ended up in the mental ward 3 or 4 times.
- NO more psychedelic drugs for THIS young lady.
I can't really blame it all on the drugs because insanity runs in the family. See Mom.
- The Good Dan, the only man I ever wanted to marry, took me around the world when we were together for 5 years.
Those were the boring years as I had to live out on his farm in Hell. Ended up in the mental ward 1 time but I didn't have drugs or drinking to use as an excuse.
Currently I am just "dating" around some people may use the term "whoring" but "whoring around" sounds so untactful. And KenDoll ?, yes he's an ass but he is really really good in bed. I've narrowly escaped the mental ward by "LOOKING SANE" which is no easy task with all those colors coming at you.
If you email me, I will help you fix your site Mr.Bud.
I got up 14 minutes before I had to leave for work and the bottom button of my dress popped off when I got into my car but I made it to work on time. It's been hectic. That word "hecktic" looked to be misspelled so I looked it up in the dictionary online and fixed it for you readers who are anal about spelling. I can't spell but some days spell better then others. This is one of those, "I'd better run it through spell check" kind of days.
Why doesn't Andrew of Diaryland put a spell check when you do entries ? I'm guessing laziness.
I don't need some fat-ass slob at Taco Bell eye-fucking me while I eat.
People eye-fuck me a lot, I think.
It's gross.
~ Edgarfrog ~
It's about time he updated again.
Another lazy fucker.
I'm trying to do my taxes but I keep getting interrupted by work and finding things other to do then them. I'm not going to get any money back so there is really no hurry.
Mr.SanJuan's name is Ron like Captain Ron. A mnemonic trick for me to remember his name. I spelled mnemonic wrong the first time but it was easy to find in the dictionary because it started with "MN" and how many words even start like that ? When I introduce myself I always give a mnemonic trick.
- My name is Janet, like Damit Janet, where's my shoes ?
I know it's suppose to be "I love shoes" but I'm not a shoe person and I more likely to forget where my shoes are. I do that with my keys and my car a lot. It's a flaw.
From: Mom
Subject: Scars
Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy
decided
to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a
hurry to
dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind
shoes,
socks,and shirt as he went.
He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the
middle of
the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His mother in
the
house was looking out the window saw the two as they got closer and
closer
together.
In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly
as
she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made
a
U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. Just as he reached
her,
the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her
little
boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began
an
incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much
stronger
than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go.
A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams,raced from his
truck,
took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in
the
hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by
the
vicious attack of the animal, and on his arms, were deep scratches
where
his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on
to
the son she loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma,
asked if
he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then,
with
obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have
great
scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let go."
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No,
not
from an alligator or anything quite so dramatic, but the scars of a
painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us
deep
regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to
let
go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to
you. The
Scripture teaches that God loves you, you have become a child of God.
He
wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes
we
foolishly wade into dangerous situations. The swimming hole of life
is
filled with peril-and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack.
That's when the tug-of-war begins-and if you have the scars of His
love on
your arms, be very grateful. He did not and will not let you go.
Please pass this on to those you love. If you see someone without a
smile,
stop ...and give them yours. God has blessed you, so that you can be
a
blessing to others.
You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they
are
going through.
That is why it is soooo important that we are not
selfish
to receive the blessings of these messages without forwarding them to
someone else.
I am so selfish not to forward this on.
With such a nice mom you would think that I would have turned out a little better. Then again I NEVER send out chain emails to my friends and family so who's to judge. God might have made a "YOU GO TO HELL" rule that includes sending chain letters and junk mail. If I were God, that would be one of my rules instead of the "NO FORNIFICATING" rule.
Later kids.
9:03 a.m. 2004-02-11
More Inappropriateness
Yesterday I was helping someone over the phone and he says, "you're really smart". I say, "no, I'm just fakin' it". He says, "well then you must be really good at fakin' it then". I say, "yes I am, especially if I want to go to sleep". Silence. OOPS. I recon I'll be getting another "CHAT" with the boss.
My links page opens several windows(diaries) at once and it takes me a while to read to all of them, recently there have been a rash of fine young women posting their boobies
- very nice by the way Wanda
On my daily walk, who do I run into but ex-Newguy as SuzieQ and I walked past him he asked, "Can I come ?" I say, "Well that's entirely up to you". He's a hounddog so I probably wont have to have a "CHAT" with the boss about THAT remark.
What a fucking waste of time, police resources and taxpayer money.
- DALLAS, Texas (Reuters) -- Joanne Webb is a mother of three, a Baptist, a booster of the town of Burleson, Texas, and a former schoolteacher. She also faces trial for being a smut merchant.
Yes, lets fill up our prisons with tupperware moms. Does this make any sense to anybody ? Anyone at all ?
Mr.SanJuan (Captain Ron) just called. He's taking me to Chinese dinner tonight.
- "bring that pretty smile of yours".
Aw. That is so sweet. Sure hope THIS one doesn't turn out to be an ass. Apparently I seem to bring assness out in men. What can I say, it's a flaw.
Later kids.
12:41 p.m. 2004-02-12
Residual Sex
I'm in trouble kids. Captain Ron is coming over to my house for dinner tonight to make up for The KenDoll crashing in our first date last night at the Chinese dance place. I like Captain Ron. A lot. I think I'm going to move him in and make him have my babies.Good riddance Ken, last night was probably your last.
Next.
10:18 a.m. 2004-02-13
Street... feathers... semi...splat
I think I may possibly be in love. YIKES. What's up with that ?I'm dying today. Why hasn't he called yet ? Kill me. Please.
What am I 14 years old ? fuck.
Current brain level:
Oz
- Don't try this on dial-up
Work is sending me to Seattle for a week in May for Crystal Report Training. I is goin' be gettin real smart and look good on a resume in case I move to San Juan Islands.
2:36pm Still nothing
Well make me purr.
He called. Dinners at Chilis tonight.
- Please don't turn out to be an ass
The first date
Captain Ron takes me out to Chinese dinner, not my favorite Chinese place but a nice place. We have a couple of drinks and then head over to the Chinese Dance place where I had met him last Friday. I showed him how to play Erotic photohunt. My cell rings, it's Ken, "what are you doing ?"
- Me: having a couple of drinks
Ken: Where at ? I'll come join you
- Me: oh..I'm at Chinese dance place
So Ken showed up and I left with him. Captain Ron said his last wife was sneaking around on him a long time before he found out and that he appreciated the fact that I was honest about what I was doing when Ken called. He's a keeper, Captain Ron that is, Ken is history.
BTW..Ken got the out of town job, he turned it down until I convinced him to take it until he found something closer. He started Thursday. When I called and asked him how his first day was and "friends but no more sex" he asked if I had someone in the wings waiting. I'm hopin' so. I could be wrong. I've been wrong before.
Later kids.
10:14 a.m. 2004-02-14
He's squirming like a worm on a hook
Well Captain Ron and I spent the night playing kissy face/pressy body and he gives fucking unbelievable full body massages. I'm tellin' you, I could get real use to this. I made him watch my favorite movie Moulin Rouge with me on couch with me after dinner. I missed most of it but that's ok I've seen it a million times.
He's funny.
- "the 2nd time I was in jail it was because I pushed this guy down a flight a stairs, how was I suppose to know he was a cop ?"
He has very entertaing stories. I like to laugh. I laughed a lot last night. Sure is nice to be with someone who is not a total ass for a change.
This morning he brought me a rose. Awww. But he is setting up a trailer for his mom today so I think I'll mosey on over to the mall and watch a movie. Not too sure if I am going to see him tonight or not he may be heading back over to the coast to pick up his two girls, (7 and 9) from his ex-wife, (he has custody of them). He showed me photos on the internet of his property on the San Juan Island. He says it takes him an hour 1/2 to fly from there to here. Very nice. I'm thinking 5 to 10 years from now...
The only thing he said to me that caught me off guard was
- The only problem I can see us having is your (meaning me) mouth
What ?
And the first thing out of his mouth this morning was "you're scary". Why do men keep saying that to me ?
Now that I am sober, I realize he is not a pretty boy like Kendoll but that's ok, they all look the same in the dark.
I LOVE my life.
Later kids.
9:50 a.m. 2004-02-15
We'll see if YOU flinch
Well Captain Ron showed back up a my house around 8:00 Saturday night and I cooked him Salmon & rice for dinner. He said, "I have something for you".
- Friday night when we were on the couch playing kissyface he stopped and asked me what I was thinking. I said, "I'm thinking that your squirming like a worm on a fish hook"
So he gave me fish hooks for Valentines day. Awww.
He was telling me about his sordid past and asks, "I'm telling you all these horror stories and you're not even flinching"
- I say, "You are going to have a 300 pound ex-combat Vietnam vet mean old biker guy with no teeth tell you to RUN. We'll see if YOU flinch.
He is so nice, goofy looking but nice. He is a coach for special Olympics and keeps telling me not to hurt him. Awww.
Why I wouldn't hurt a fly, or a worm, or a worm squirming on a hook.
5:16 p.m. 2004-02-16
Just give me something to bitch about
Captain Ron is coming to town tomorrow. It's a twelve hour drive. My entries might start to get a little boring if I don't have anything to bitch about. That's the one thing I'm going to miss.Bitching.
9:06 a.m. 2004-02-17
Ask me about: how I plan to rock your world
When Captain Ron called on his way from the SanJuan Islands last night, I told him he has to meet my sister, Malibu Barbie when he comes to town. So either we are meeting for lunch or I will run him over to her house tonight or tomorow. He's squirming. Might as well get sized up right away, if my sisters don't like you, you're just going to be wasting your time.
He wants me to get a pilot license. Both my friend Miss IBM and my sister think that that's a BAD idea. I the
worst driver in the world. Don't be getting me in a plane.
I found Captain Ron's personal ad: no picture though.
I like to fish and play and travel have boats and I am a pilot and love the skys Kids are my life Like to cook for the right person lets have dinner in Reno some time or seattle or ? ? ?
"kids are my life...YIKES"
My idea of romance includes: a weekend getaway
In my spare time I enjoy: traveling
I Value: showing affection freely
Ok, I'll take that.
- I couldn't resist: your sensuality
- Ask me about: how I plan to rock your world
- Friday: fun time with Weird Aunt Janet. His two little girls are gorgeous. The Little Rat (7) held my hand all the way to Chuckie Cheese. Aw. Best performance from the Captain to date. Atta boy.
- Saturday: Captain Ron served me breakfast in bed then he and the kiddies left and I went skiing which was glorious.
Saturday night: The girls from work, Miss IBM and MissKC and I went to a Very nice dance place. My old friend JohnHO show up and danced with all of us. JohnHO has an over inflated opinion of himself but he is fun to dance with.- I'm out of control
After dancing do I go on home like I'm suppose to ? NO, not me. I stop by the bar and the Friday night bartender is off and is getting drunk so I decide to join her.
She's seen how friendly I get when I've been drinking wine so you would think that she would the common sense to not kiss me, especially since she works there. I am NEVER taking Captain Ron to the Norm bar EVER. I called ScaryDan to drive us home as we both were drunk so he drove us to my house.- I'm never going to hear the end of this little tryst.
Sunday: I got up early and drove my little friend home then went skiing. ScaryDan came over to watched movies later. You know you're fucking up when an mean old scary biker ex-combat vet is sideways head bobbing at you.
9:16 a.m. 2004-02-24Do I look stable now ?
Well fine, I started taking my meds (Depakote) again. Hope you people are happy, I feel like I've licked one of those cow salt licks all night.
JohnHO sent me this.
12:35pm: I'm so bored. My meds are eating away at the lining of my stomach.
My left leg is KILLING me. I think it is because I skied both on Saturday and Sunday and may have pushed myself a little too hard.
1:18pm MomatWork gave me some aspirin, everyone around me is tired of my whining today.
1:27pm Savecraig is one sick fuck.
I'm going on a big ski day in March with people from work. ex-Newguy and Nice Truck Guy are both going. So is Horseface. I hate her. She will probably ruin the trip by talking to me. I hope I'll be able to hide in the woods along a ski trail and "ACCIDENTALLY" hit her in the face with a branch.
1:44pm
The Captain just called. He's on his way back over to this side of the state. He should be here late tonight or tomorrow depending on traffic. He said that he should just not call and surprise me sometime as he has a key to my house. I'm thinking that I'd better quit kissing on people when I've been drinking wine else I'm going to be back on the market faster then a blue ribbon pig after the fair.
2:13pm One of the guys at work gave me some of his pain medicine. I happy girl now.
I'm reading Liar-by-rote's diary today. I find her quite entertaining. I like being entertained.
to be honest, he didn't please me in bed. i like to fuck those that are below me. is this fate ? or luck ? it's true. i have dirty, sick, sex, with dirty, sick, men. that's the way i'm wired, fuck you to judge me. ;)
i will tell my mother to meet me at the airport with pills. "ma, let me have a xanax now so i can deal with you." not very christ like.
guys get better as they age. but it's a short window, i have to admit. i like them between the ages, 35, to 35 and 7 months and 1 day.
4:24pm I'm eating some oatmeal at my desk because my stomach is making strange noises and I feel like puking. I'm the only one on the phones from 4:00pm to 6:00pm, the first time they yell at me for missing a call because I'm in the bathroom puking, that will be the day I borrow a semi-automatic.
Guess the answer to the "STABLE" question is NO.
Later kids.
9:09 a.m. 2004-02-25Nasty boys are yummy
Captain Ron was in a storing telling mood last night.- I spent my birthday with 5 hookers in a hottub by Reno
- When I took the kids camping I told them they might have got buttworms from the water and the only way to check was to check their poop. So they all were excited when no buttworms were found
- When his oldest son (now 23) was 19 the Captain bet him $100 he could make him eat dogshit. Stupid kid took the bet
- One of his friends was screwing this girl at a lake cabin and there was a hole in the ceiling over the bed below. The Captain (in the loft above) thought it would be funny to spill water on his friends ass crack while he was screwing this chick. Minutes of fun until the chick saw him and started screaming
One of the managers came up to me today and ask me what's wrong ? I say what ? He says you look very nice today and do not seem angry or bitter for a change.
The Captain and I are going to get along even though he lives on the other side of the state.
Atta boy Captain. I love him today.
Nothing quite says Good Morning like having your eyes roll into the back of your head.
~ Butch Moneyshot ~
Some asswipe charged $153 at Nordstroms on a credit card that I had paid off, cut up and canceled last month. If I had my credit limit I would go out and charge a car or a trip to Hawaii or Paris. Stupid fucker for risking going to jail for a couple of blouses. Stupid fuckers just piss me off.
I have an appointment with my shrink at 6:30am tomorrow. AM I INSANE ? Six fucking thirty am. Just how the HELL did I expect to get my fat ass out of bed at that ungodly hour ? I'm expecting to get some sideways head bobbin' because I haven't seen him in a year. A lot can happen in a year in my crazy world.
7:50 a.m. 2004-02-26welcome to the emotional disaster which is me
Fallen.My shrink is one handsome man but he always makes me cry. He just looks at me and I start crying. Pavlo's dog thing I think.
I can trick some people but I can't trick him. As soon a as I pull myself together and quit crying I have to go to work. He started treating my Mom in the eightys and me a couple of years after so he knows.
Mom spent 6 months in the Snakepit and had shock treatments. She talks and talks about conspiracy's and Russians
and communists so I felt sorry for him having to listen to her for an hour every week. He and I just normally discuss medication level and my drinking problem. I don't dare discuss my "love life" because I think that will be just one more step towards being institutionalized but I let him know about who I "consider" my boyfriend which is The Captain right this minute.
My doc hates Scary Dan and is disappointed that he is still in my life even if I'm not sleeping with him. Scary Dan encourages "out of control" behavior. He liked the Good Dan who he met the last time they had me locked up but everyone loves the Good Dan, he's responsible.
Doc says I have to quit drinking and I have to track how much drink and tell him in April at our next appointment to see if he should prescribe anibuse ? for me.
I hate going to my shrink because he always is trying to straighten me out.
Ask the fruit cake lady- I want to be like HER when I grow up
My mom has been trying to learn Excel. She wanted a spread sheet that had prices and percent off so when she was at work she wouldn't have to use the calculator all of the time. I sent it to her yesterday but she is trying to make one herself.- From Mom:
- 1.Now what do you mean "copy the formula to rest of spread sheet
- 2. Do you put the AMOUNT, 20%, ect. first ?
- 3. after you enter an amount, what do you do to get the answer ?
More ? ? ?
I'm the best daughter in the world to try to figure stuff out for her even though I didn't get my brains from her, the brains part came from dad. Insanity part of my brains...that was from mom.
I love my mom.
Spent my lunch hour crying in the womans room. Had to go up three flights to find an empty couch to lay down. Great fucking day I'm having.
This morning my doctor asked me how I was doing and I said, "I'm here aren't I ? Apparently not as well as I've led the authorities to believe."
On the way out of my shrinks office I told him, "at least I haven't killed anyone yet". Just a joke between a shrink and a crazy woman and her mom who is really good with guns.
Luckily for me he thought the last time I had been in was on October 2003, but it was October 2002 so I didn't catch too much static for not seeing him. He wants me to take my meds every single fucking day and not drink. As Miss Donna would say- "That sucks big hairy donkey dick".
Not in a good way either.
2:23 p.m. 2004-02-27No captain intends to pile his ship upon a reef, but it happens
I'm only working half a day today as my stomach & leg is killing me. I bought some "Pink Bismuth" on the way to work it's the same color as Pepto Bismol so it ought to trick me. The Captain took me to Outback last night for dinner and I had all of three bites of it. He took off early this morning back to the island but said he would be back next week. He's hooked, hook, line and sinker. I'm starting to feel a little sorry for the guy, see, I've met me.
In other news, Missyb called last night and told me her & KenDoll are "Dating". Ok with you ?- Peachie. Fuckin' Peachie.
I need a beer.
Later kids,
10:18 a.m. 2004-02-28I wonder if that is in my file ?
Over breakfast with Scary Dan this morning I say,"you look uncharacteristically calm"- He said his VA anger management counselor gave him some pills to take and that while he can still spot pinheads, he no longer has the urge to
"knock the crap out of them"
Some times drugs are a good thing.
I asked him why do you think my doc doesn't like you ?- Dan, "I called him a quack, because he is a quack"
I wonder if that is in my file ?
Driving home he ran a stop sign. I'm screaming.."HEY PINHEAD, you just ran that stop sign".- Dan says, "my angermangement counselor says I can drive on these pills apparently that's not entirely correct"
ScaryDan cracks me up
9:28 a.m. 2004-02-29totally oblivious to the world around me
Someone fire bombed a car parked right in front of my house. The car belongs to the neighbor's directly across the street from me "shit son". They had slit all four of the tires. Cops and sirens..big goings on. I'm sure I was home at the time, just missed it... go figure. My neighbor Linda wants me to call the city and have it hauled away. I say, "don't they have a few days to tow it ?" She said it's been sitting there all week. I'm oblivious, I go out the back of my house not the front. I don't like to piss off neighbors but I went over and bitched at them to move the car. If it is not gone by today I'll call the city on Monday. Decent people would have at least swept up the glass or made their "drug dealing low life shit son" do it.
Note to self: "Don't be getting yourself any shit kids"
Speaking of having "shit kids",
The Good Dan is taking me out to Mexican for lunch today. My face is all broke out because last night Missyb and I went to a "lotions and potions type party" and had facials and foot spa treaments. My face is not use to expensive products. Good thing I only bought some smoothing foot stuff and some great smelling lamp oil.The Captain called me all day yesterday but when I was at the party he left two despondent messages on my machine. "Where are you at ?" I was only gone for an hour and a half. Poor guy.
He's going to have to toughen up.
3:16 p.m. 2004-02-30Luckily I'm on medication right this minute
How fucking stupid are you men ?
The Captain left his cell at the soon to be ex's (he's says they have been legally separated for 2 1/2 years or at least that is the story I got) and she, bless her, decides to see who left him a message. Of course I don't leave normal "hi, hope you got there ok, have a safe trip home" oh no, not me, no it's one of the more suggestive "let's get down and dirty" messages I have EVER left. She blew a fuse. I think she called my house twice this afternoon.I think I'm getting a new roommate or two. Soon.Both the Dans are going to shit when they hear this.
I do not see how Dr.B can expect me NOT to drink.
Gender: Male
Age: 43
Height: 6'0"
Body Type: fit
Ethnic Background: caucasian (white)
Smoking Habits: do not smoke
Drinking Habits: socially
Have Children: have and live with part-time
Want Children: do not wantWhew!
Education: prefer not to say
Annual Income: prefer not to say...it's lots
Religion: prefer not to say
Location: ANY, Washington he has property all over the state, took me a while to find him as he based his personal ad in the middle of the state
Last Changed: Jan 24, 2004.
Last online: Feb 1, 2004.
Smile sent: Feb 17, 2004
I sent him a smile- I sent:
Busy today. No lunch..but we be visiting her later tonight. Be gentle sis.
Bad dog or Atta boy ?
Ron just called. I asked him what he wanted to eat tonight and he says,
- "why you, of course"
How could you not like that response ?
Atta boy.
Later kids.
12:48 p.m. 2004-02-18 20
use me,abuse me, make me write bad checks
Last night went well. Captain Ron brought me flowers and met my sister Malibu Barbie, one down, four to go. I've got to let him meet them one at a time otherwise meeting all my sisters at once is just too much.
He called after I went to work and said he did my dishes and made the bed before he left. Awww. ♥
The 1st time we went out apparently I told him that I didn't give blow jobs, "they are disgusting". I think he bought up the subject and that's just one of my standard responses. This morning he was smiling and I said, "what the hell are you smiling about ?". He said he told his friend, (the friends of Ken's) that I didn't give blowjobs and they had told him to dump me but he told them that it was
- "too late, I'm hooked"
Awww.
He wants to buy me a ring so "some hunk doesn't think you're single and sweep you away"
I say,"Oh I'm done with Hunks, I'm with you now"
He takes abuse well. Kind of a requirement I'm afraid.
9:32 a.m. 2004-02-19
No mommy, NO
Captain Ron brought over his youngest (9 years old) daughter he refers to her as "The Rat". For someone who lives on the other side of the state, he sure is coming around more often then someone who lived less then a mile away. It's early though in the relationship so we'll see.
I'm not sure if you people silently reading have picked up on this yet but I'm not quite the "Mommy Type". We had fun though. While her dad was pulling off some upholstery on his boat cushion that needed cleaning I showed her how to melt crayons between two pieces of wax paper. Not many moms let young children play with a hot iron but I think, "what the hell". No young children were hurt during the crayon ironing activity.
When we were kids we use to go to the dump and find colored bottles then take rocks and break them up into little pieces. We would glue them in to pictures. Minutes of fun. Most parents wouldn't let their children rummage through the dump picking up nasty bottles and let them break the bottles with rocks but we were poor. Broken dump bottles were all we had. Young children were hurt during the "broken dump glass" activity. But what the hell, kids are going to get hurt, just a fact of life. That shards-o-glass commercial during the super bowl brought back many fond dump glass memories.
"The Rat" really like my cat Scatches even though I told her that Scratches had murdered my other two kitties, one being her brother, because she wanted to be the only kitty that I loved. There I go again letting a child play with a murderous cat.
They didn't stay overnight, he just drove all that way (3 hour drive) so she could meet me or as he phrases it "meet your new mommy". YIKES. Now I'm squirming.
9:09 a.m. 2004-02-20
Turned my whole world upside down.
There was wine and stuffed pork chops for dinner waiting for me when I got home from work last night. I'm getting too emotional I need to take a pill.He vacuumed, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned my bathroom, but he didn't vacuum the dining room. I'm going to have to beat him.
Today is our 1st week anniversity. I actually met him on Feb 6,2004 but we are using Feb 13 as the REAL date, because if I use Feb 6, I've all ready cheated on him twice with The KenDoll. That's just not a good way to start out a relationship.
I'm thinking he is going to be meeting my sister Taz tonight. She's a force to be reckoned with.
I'm use to dating assholes. I can deal with assholes. I'm not dealing very well today. Medic.
12:41pm: Finally shook off that "love shit" and went and filled my car up with gas for the drive tonight and had some of the leftover porkchops from last night. He did the dishes as well. Why that man's earned himself a FREE blowjob.
The insanity ensues:
FROM MOM:
Subject: Glad I wasn't a lone nut
The January 17th, 2003, one is the first interview of Hutton Gibson by Alex Jones. Hutton is about 85 years old, and thus can speak about how he began to become aware that "somebody is trying to take over the world" when still a young man, during WWII.
This background information on the family in which Mel Gibson grew up explains much about him, I think, and sheds light on several of his films, notably the ones made by his own Icon Production company. I'd figure those to include 'Braveheart' and 'The Patriot', and probably also 'Conspiracy Theory' - plus of course 'The Passion' that is generating so much conversation and controversy, right now. (Is the movie a Faction 2 effort at reversing effects of 'Vatican 2' ? Dunno, but you get the idea. :)
All that leads to this:
I'm wondering, now, "who knows what" in Hollywood and in the entertainment industry in general. For example: Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts probably spent months together during the making of 'Conspiracy Theory' - so, how much does Julia know, about how the world is being run... ?
Similar question: Cast members of the TV series 'St. Elsewhere' included David Morse (now starring in the series 'Hack' on CBS); Mark Harmon (now starring in 'Navy NCIS', a series from Faction 2 guy Donald Bellasario), and Denzel Washington. How much do they know ? Was there some reason that _everyone_ connected with "St. Elsewhere" might have an understanding of how the world has been being run ?
Let's take the general question further:
I think there might be a sort of "black listing", going on for the past several decades, of folks who consciously stand opposed to the Gnu Whirled Odor and who, because of it, have been kept from having thriving film careers and/or other entertainment careers - and I'd bet there's someone who could tell us which acting and other professionals those folks are.
I think it'd be really interesting if someone were to step forward, anonymously if need be, and tell the tale on that.
Another addition to the Conspiracy Theory page. Luckily she lives in Kansas, the land of OZ, so it'll be awhile before Captain Ron gets introduced to mom.
2:00pm Change of venue. He's coming to town and bringing both of his daughters. "The Rat" speaks highly of me. Yea me for tricking a nine year old into thinking I'm normal.
10:17 a.m. 2004-02-21
Friday night...Chucky Cheese
My life is over.
8:09 p.m. 2004-02-21b 20040221b.html
don't call me mom, call me weird aunt Janet
The Rat(9) and the little Rat(7) and tard or Drat 19 We had hot dogs and chilli for dinner. I say, "the first one who farts has to do dishes". Children LOVE me.
Drat was 5 years old when he got hit by a car. fucked him up. His real father disowned him. Ron has been taking care of him just because he happened to be dating his mother at the time.
Drat was sitting with me at chucky cheese and telling me about his real father and how he always says he is busy but he really isn't. When the car hit him it did some brain damage and this poor kid says inappropriate things because it affected part of his brain. He can carry a conversation but when talking to him you could see his thoughts racing. The captain was very hesitant about me meeting him but I told him that I get along with people who are off kilter. Drat loves me. he told the captain that he want's me to be his mom. aw. Drat also told me he wanted to lick my ass. I told him that "that's probably inappropriate". I'm going to be a GREAT MOM.
6:47 p.m. 2004-02-22
those other MEN meant nothing to me
I got way drunk last night. Wait a minute... Captain Ron doesn't have long blonde hair and breasts. My bad. I have some splainin' to do.
Scary Dan told me today that his mom told him to NEVER marry me. "that woman is crazy". I think I need to see my shrink this week, apparently
- "self medicating"
10:29 a.m. 2004-02-23
I try to be discreet but then blow it again
I'm never going to that bar again. I always get in trouble when I go there. At least the women aren't worring about me being after their husbands now. Lots of sideways head bobbing going on though.
- Why can't I behave ?
Weekend Update
Friday, December 17, 2004
Friday, December 10, 2004
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
ScaryDan and I were watching movies when he got up to go to the bathroom. I TOLD him not to crap in my bathroom but he did anyway and stunk it all up.
The no crap rule is a hard one to enforce.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
wake me up
- If you are looking for a
casual dating experience that is more fun and exciting than anything you've ever
experienced, then date the insane.
~ Gutterpoet ~
I would have gone skiing but it was so cold and windy. It snowed all day, good day to spend
winding down instead of cleaning my house or doing laundry like I had planned.
My soon to be ex-boyfriend went to the New Years eve party at my friend Karls last night with me.
Charlie & Ruth Ryan were there. He was the writer and original singer of "Hot Rod Lincoln". He and his
wife have been married 66 years, very cute couple. I'm never going to find someone to stick by me for
66 years. I made Ruth's drinks and we both got a little drunk. Her husband played the guitar all night
but she had to help with with the lyrics once in a while. I hope that when I'm 88 I have as much love
of life as that couple do. It was so sweet.
I hadn't seen my so-called poor excuse of a boyfriend Ken for
almost a month but he show up at my door a few days ago again. He says he hasn't been with anyone else
but men lie. I know this to be a fact. I need to move on except that he knocks my socks off. I'm
auditioning for a NEW boyfriend and as soon as I find one who can knock off my socks like Ken, then
it'll be
- "Goodbye to you"
Later kids,
2004-01-02
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
http://5A292" target=new">Fallen
I have a "let myself down" feeling today. Probably because I was planning on breaking it off with Ken
and I didn't. I have no guts.
Earning my keep today, the first of the year is always busy for me. I updated 21 reports today and I'm
not even a quarter of the way done.
Ran to the clinic during lunch, I like to start off the year making sure I didn't catch any deadly
disease from any of my guys and start an epidemic. Lucked out again. That's one of the reasons I keeps
the KenDoll around, he's safe. Boring out of bed, outstanding in bed, and safe. Well, safe so far. I
shall endeavor to be a little more cautious in the future while auditioning the new hopefuls.
Later kids.
2004-01-03
Auditioning
Dear boys,if you think that little blue pill would help you, please spend the $1.00 and quit
wasting my time.
Thanks.
New rule. I am never having sex with any man whose vechile is worth more than my house again.
That is all.
Later kids.
2004-01-04
I love my life
In time these wounds will scab over and heal into alife long scar.
9:12 a.m. 2004-01-05
Kill me now
I broke up with the KenDoll yesterday. Well not him, his answeringmachine on his cell which he never answers. I've broken up with him before, like every other month I
break up with him, but THIS time I told his machine to tell him to drop off my house keys. I
hope it sticks. No Guarantees.
- I know how weak I am.
Weekend News:
Joybitch called and wanted me to go out with her and MissL.
- Why would I go out with them
again?
kissed Joanae in the bar where kissing other women is frowned upon and going home with the hummer guy
just to piss off his girlfriend(she is married to someone else) but she is always glaring at me for no
reason. Now she has a reason for glaring at me.
- I need to seek professional help.
KenJr called, he wanted to borrow the Bronco that my friend Caleb is borrowing. As much as I like KenJr, I'm thinking that if
I only met someone in a bar last week, I wouldn't be asking to borrow their car. KenJr sounds exactly
like my old roommate Mr.Clean. I think I will not let
KenJr rent out the room in February.
- Now there I go being sane.
Saturday night went out dancing at the Horse place. The Italian guy was there. I like him because he
always is laughing at me. I'm trying to convince him to take me to Rome for a month next time he goes.
I have been unsuccessful to do so as of this date but I have faith in my abilities. He would be doable
if he were just a little bit taller or if he took me to Rome.
- I am one shallow woman.
I went skiing but it was so cold my cheeks felt like someone was sticking needles into them so I
didn't ski long however I did enjoy one or two coffee & kahluas in the ski lounge. That warmed me up a
bit.
Scary Dan brought over a movie "Colinwood" that we watched. I
make him sit on a blanket when he comes over because he stinks but his stink went right through the
blanket onto my couch. I need to get a thicker blanket for him to sit on. He smells like feet. He says
it is jungle rot from the fields of VietNam. Dan is not doable either, it's all I can do to let him
sit on my couch.
The guy who had the New Year's Eve party was suppose to come over Sunday night for dinner and bring
my crock pot and deep fat fryer back that I had taken to the party. He didn't show up or call. He has
been wanting to audition but I think I'm really tired of men who do not the common courtesy to call
when invited over for dinner.
- I have "Zero tolerance".
2:13pm: I'm less bitchy now than I was this morning. That's just my opinion so I could be wrong.
Paid all of my bills with the money that I got from selling $1000 worth of stock last week except for
a $466 dentist bill (that's after insurance). I still owe him $200 but he can wait until next month. I
need to remember to floss. I need to get a roommate. One that doesn't want to borrow my car or just
got out of jail.
I'm halfway done updating all those stupid reports that I have to update every year. My brain isn't
use to working so hard. It would be nice if someone would come over and pleasure me tonight. Maybe
I'll call Ken and apologize for talking mean at his answering machine. Maybe I wont.
- I am so weak.
Later kids.
9:10 a.m. 2004-01-06
Teflon
Yea that break up didn't last long. He happened to drop off my house keys when I waswatching "Real Sex" on HBO. It didn't have a chance. Ah but I am smiling today.
It is so cold out that unbeknownst to me my automatic garage door didn't not open all of the way
resulting in me backing into it. Something else for ScaryDan to
fix.
I put the KenDoll on probation:
- I do not think that is unreasonable as I am not someone who calls ALL OF THE TIME.
- He says, "But that's like every other day".
- I say, "Why yes, yes it is."
- He says, "I have NO money".
- I say, "you can be my designated driver so it wont cost you anything the other option that you
have is to quit bitching when I go out with other men who DO have money."
Later kids.
9:24 a.m. 2004-01-07
Just give me one more reason darlin'
Some nice citizen went around myentire block and removed the snow on the sidewalk. Only took me a couple of minutes to shovel from my
porch to the sidewalk this morning so I had time to relax instead of running around like a chicken
with it's head cut off trying to get ready for work.
This is the most snow I have seen in years. It didn't snow Sunday, nice clear skys, silly me thinking
I could ski in -7 degree weather but the drive up was beautiful and the view from the top of the
mountain was so pristine it was worth the drive.
I called KenDoll at 8:05pm last night so he still has 10 hours to
call me back. He goes out "with the boys" on Tuesday nights.
- Just give me one more reason darlin'
Mr.GD (Gil/Darrin) who I met a couple of weeks ago specifically 12/27/2003 called last night. He is taking me to the Lord
of the Rings next weekend. We talked for a long time which is odd for me as I am not a phone person.
Mr.GD called me a couple of times last week but kind of blew me off on Friday. I was bitching at him
about that but he said he had a houseful of people watching a football game and he didn't invite me
over because he knows I don't like sports. He likes to go out to dinner and movies and concerts.
- I'm starting to like this guy
Ken and I have been to ONE movie since I met him last May and I paid for it. ONE.
This afternoon Mr.Sta-ndmeupyetagain calls me at work. I haven't
seen or heard from him since we went to Christmas at
Dads together. He told me last time I saw him that he was going to take me to the Lord of the
Rings so that is why I haven't went to it yet. I told him that I would be more than happy to see the
movie more then once but he wanted to know what time I'm going with Mr.GD so he could as he put it, "take me away from him".
He told me he thinks I am oversexed.
- How can that be?
- I can go without sex for days.
to come over for dinner tonight and I'm not sleeping with either of them because Mr.Sta has to not
stand me up 3 times in a row and if he shows up tonight, that is only number 2. He also said he would
take a look at the garage door. That's sweet.
Whatever will I do if The KenDoll shows up? Hey it's not ME who's on probation here, let the chips fall where they may.
I really need to get over this love lust shit I have for Ken, been thinking about him all
day. I think there may be the slightest possibility that I am in heat today.
Please piss me off so I can move on...
PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
- In the morning though after hours and hours of sock obliterating -
mind numbing -
toe curling hot monkey sex.
Later kids,
8:55 a.m. 2004-01-08
Anger Management
ScaryDan was ona roll last night, I about peed my pants laughing. I try to write down what he says but I can't read
my writing. This is as much as I could make out of my scribbles:
- My anger management counselor is concerned about my concealed weapons permit.
- They don't like me to talk about Nam in group therapy because it upsets the others.
- If you only have 2 pair of boots, you're going to stink them both up
That was REALLY funny to me last night.
The boys down in the rage control center need to start out sourcing or hire some gifted new talent.I
can actually see the vessels in my veins bubbling.
http://
Mr.Standmeupyetagain lived up to his name. KenDoll voilated his probation. Forks in both of their eyes, I say.
Tonight I'm going out with a friend from work, MissKC to a 50's
Elvis Birthday Bash. I couldn't fit my fat ass into the plaid skirt I wanted to wear but I found a
pink & green one that will work. Should be minutes of fun.
I feel unburdened today.
9:22 a.m. 2004-01-09
Now that's a strange recording
The Good Dan called last night when I was getting ready to go out
to the 50's dance and I didn't reach the phone in time to pick it up so he got my answering machine. I
don't remember leaving that message on it but it was funny.
- Hey don't hang up because I wont know who called because I don't have caller id or star 69 so if
you hang up I'm just not calling you back and you only have yourself to blame
I changed my message to reflect the fact that I would be at the 50's dance just up the street and for
anyone who called to "come on up" thinking that if Mr.GD called he
could come up and dance with us.
And who do you think shows up but KenDoll which is odd because it
cost $5 to get in. MissKC and Mr.NiceTruckGuy showed up. Wait a minute, Mr.NiceTruckGuy who I have
been going out to Margaritas with on Tuesdays for most of the summer brought his girlfriend of 3
years. How strange that the fact he had a girlfriend never came up. Very strange.
Anyhow, a good time was had by all Ken was good and danced with everyone. One guy who was dancing with
me remembered me from when I worked at the racetrack which was a LONG time ago.
I should have got up with Ken this morning so he could drive me back to my car instead of me being
late for work because I forgot I left it there and Caleb has my
other car so I had to walk.
No matter. It's a great day to be alive. Got my socks knocked off and he's so tall and dark and handsome and strong and dreamy.
I love him
today.
10:32 a.m. 2004-01-10
What? Me scary?
Friday night Mr.GD and I went to the dog bar for a couple of
drinks. I like talking to him but I'm not physically attracted to him but he is a real nice guy. Real
nice. Probably too nice for me to ruin.
He told me that one of his friends at the party told him that "She has a boyfriend and to stay away
from her"
- HER meaning ME.
being seen with me in public thus probably ruining his reputation in this town.
He told me I was "scary". What? Me scary? Why I'm practically the nicest person on the planet just
ask any man around after I've had 4 or 5 glasses of wine.
You know how adults talk in the Charlie Brown Movies? That's how men sound to me when they talk about
sports or cars or other such "men topics". I find it very hard to keep focus however the guy last
night was a self conversationist. He thinks I'm a real good listener.
TheGeneral, who I am physically attracted to, was there and
caught my eye. He was at the NewYears eve party, wasn't too happy with me bringing the KenDoll and I
haven't seen him since. I'm still voting for him but he needs to start calling me and taking me out.
Anyway, Mr.GD and I are going out dancing tonight so we'll see.
Wandered over to the mall and saw "Cold Mountain". I didn't care too much for the ending which I wont
ruin for you except to say that I hate movies that insinuate that your life has meaning only if you
have a man and a child.
The Good Dan called this afternoon and had me meet him at the
Mustard Seed at 5:00pm. I had osaka chicken my favorite. Always one to be early, I drank a pot of tea
waiting for him. It's always good to see him even if it is only once every other week. I think that
after he is done with this job out of town, we may just see a little bit more of each other. He's is a
good man, I hope that he is always in my life.
When I got home my favorite sister Malibu Barbie called and said
she was having a few people over for a party and to come on over soI called Mr.GD and asked him if he wanted to go there instead of
out dancing. He said he had a busy day and was tired and needed a shower so he just wanted to stay
home but would see me tomorrow. HUM... I'm thinking he's starting to bolt.
Off I go to sis's party. Some guy there was cooking up some mexican food, kind of made me wish that I
hadn't just got done eating. Her friends are all young, beautiful, fun to be around and have good
jobs. My friends are on the lam, stinky, broke and alone. I love her.
I decided since Mr.GD bailed on me to go out dancing to the Horse bar where the Italian Guy normally
is so he could dance with me. However, it seemed to be he was going to get lucky that night because he
was sitting with some blonde and gave me that "I might be getting lucky tonight" wink. There wern't
very many people there and all that I had to dance with was this ugly guy with bad breath who squeezed
my hand lovingly after every dance. Ugh.
Enough of that. Damm Italian Guy.
Stopped by the "Norm" bar on my way home and talked to Hillbilly for a while. Joane and her boyfriend were there
but my stomach was all acidy from drinking all of that tea at the Mustard Seed and I wasn't in the
mood for a threesome because it would be me that would be the one puking so I just had a beer and went
home.
Saturday night 10:30pm. Home alone. AGAIN.
- My life is so boring
Later kids,
6:39 p.m. 2004-01-11
We didn't lose Nam, It was a tie
yup'm he bolted. Owed to Scary dan and a Fish Called Wanda. No matter. I LOVE my life. Scary Dan
scares a lot of people but he doesn't scare me but then again, I'm a scary woman.
later kids.
9:38 a.m. 2004-01-12
Let me just check your file
10:00pm Sunday night:Knock knock. Who's there? Why it's Mr.Next wanting to
have another go at it because he LOVES me. Had I not drank a half of bottle of wine with Scary Dan and
feeling like playing a little kissy face I would have shut the door in his face.
- I like playing
kissyface, harmless fun.
of my attention during "Buffy".
- Let me check my Mr.Next files
Round 1 Aug 25,2003
pawn shop
honey stuff last night?
Round 2 Oct 12, 2003
steal anything.
apologizing.
today?
Oh wait a minute... I forgot that he also stranded me at that bar where I didn't know anybody and I
had to walk home.
But he's very entertaining...I like being entertained and he has such pretty eyes. We'll see.
10:48 a.m. 2004-01-13
I don't know. Let's just see what happens
I spent most of the morning watching my desktop manipulate space pictures with an
image applett that I downloaded from Intel's website a few years ago.
Oz
I have that whole "moonwalk" in the head thing going on.
http://
brain dead today. see other folks who are way more interesting reads
I won't be denied as I plunge into her dark, moist, neither regions.
http://
instead of killing myself i've opted to clean my mittens and hat and call najda. then read about
birds.
~Common-tegus ~
Don't tell me you love me.... I'm instantly going to think that you are lying to me, and second, I
don't need that kind of pressure.~ Bub66ohm ~
This beer they serve tastes like ass water.
~ Dennis ~
Dear Men,
Please explain to me the reason WHY the male persuasion refuses to even look at, read or even ask for
or about any kinda directions when it comes to doin' somethin' that they have absolutely NO knowledge
of or goin' someplace that they've never been before.
http://
MeanDonnaJean ~
He once accused me of trying to choke him. his dad looked like a molestor, and his son had a bowl
haircut, accused me of trying to choke him, and he was a little shithead. maybe I was trying to choke
him.
~ Satellitebob ~
Kittys may be smart, but they're bad liars. Animals are honest. Except squirrels. They're evil.
http://
He stood behind her, letting her feel his masterful gaze.
~ Warmleftover ~
She's a little wierd right now and called me "sweetie" on the phone again. That just makes me feel a
little uncomfortable.
~ Rokazu ~
Humanity doesn’t seem to keep well. With every day that goes by, people are looking more and more like
potato salad that’s been out in the sun for a day or two.
~ MagicWhiskey ~
2:40pm. This day is just dragging.
Mr. Spanky, Always a favorite of mine:
- Nostrils blaring she describes the ordeal of dealing with japs at her country club.
http://
Takes me a minute or two to understand what he is trying to express... the man can "turn a phrase"
but sometimes I have a hard time understanding the sentence structure that he uses. Very unique
writer.
Spent the rest of the afternoon with some Spanky favorites from last year.
- If the whole holes in the t-shirt rugged man thing works for you, book a flight to NYC immediately so
I can bone your mouth as soon as possible.
~ Spanklin ~
- "Look, I either gotta shoot it in ya or on ya."
http://
Nasty boys are yummy.
Later kids.
9:18 a.m. 2004-01-14
Stay Scared
Last night we were yapping it up when ScaryDan said,- "That's a long fucking walk home on acid"
because she pissed him off. Scary Dan cracks me up.
He is coming over tonight to watch the finale of "The Simple Life" with me.
Dan is very political, listens to talk radio all day, and was on a rant last night. He says that if
he went to Mexico and gave up his American citizenship then snuck back into this country he would get
more benefits than this country now gives it's Vets. He's bitter. Very bitter. War fucks young men up.
I'm a pacifist but I can't own a gun because of the insanity thing.
- it's a crazy world we live in kids
The KenDoll called at 2:00am, surprisingly I did not invite his
sorry ass over for playtime and it's been almost a week since I've been laid, I must be sick or
something.
- Don't you think it's a little late to be calling? I have to work tomorrow, you
ass.
without sex because he is an ass? Well not totally without, somethings can take care of themselves.
I never let the Good Dan meet Scary Dan until after we broke up. I
had a BBQ a couple of years ago and both of them were there. The Good Dan says,
- "I can't believe
you talk to her like that."
Round the coffee area.
The higherups were giving a tour to WAY higherups.
- I say, "Am I in your way?"
- "So
you were lying to me when you said I wasn't in your way? You're the first man to lie to me today."
WAY higherup said "I was the 68th employee of "XXX"
- (XXX has 80,000
employees)
- I say, " you must be really old"
higherups.
- One of the programmers says, "I don't think that that was the response he was looking for".
someone else fetches it for me."
9:12 a.m. 2004-01-15
just push the button
No more free cable, I had to return the cable box because I am not on welfare and cannot afford it. Ican afford Basic Cable $12.95 but I have to use the remote control on my vcr which sucks because it
doesn't have a up/down channel button so I have to type in 02,03,04 that's a extra button everytime.
Over time, that will add up to a lot of extra button pushings and it pisses me off that I am so cheap
that I wont spring for cable and that I am so lazy I'm bitching about having to push an extra button.
I woke up at 3:00am and couldn't get back to sleep because there was a gallon of snot that was
attempting to concrete the inside of my nose and I couldn't breathe. I should have called in sick
today. I'm thinking my employers are going to get less than 100% of me today.
When I updated my Links html today, with those cool eyes, TheNewGuy was standing over my shoulder,"that's cool". I had to yell at him AGAIN. Do not stand over my shoulder you ass, it's only a matter
of time before those two hens find my diary, so I better quit calling Todd & TheNewGuy hens. Fuck.
Scary Dan wants to use my home internet, to look up diabetes
stuff. He better not find this diary either, I hope I deleted the history files on my home pc. He
would KILL me. If I stop writing here it is probably because Scary Dan found my diary and killed me. I
better quit calling him stinky. Again, Fuck.
Todd sent me 62 t-shirt sayings, this was the best one.
- "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
erasers up my nose. Not pleasant.
From: imnost_1174
Subject:Come see me now.. Melissa !!
It wasn't the Melissa that I know. Yea, Free Porn. I love the internet.
...explain to me again the derivation of Kepler's Second Law?
http://
When I weighed 320, it was hard for me to reach around to my behind. So, there was
always caked-on feces clinging to my ass hair because I couldn't wipe it.
- I'
hurt.
I may call in sick tomorrow, not
- "I'm sick of work so I need to go skiing"
all chapped and red from the sandpaper this company has for toilet paper and I need to lay on my couch
all day and watch tv" kind of sick and I'm relatively sure I'm not getting any lovin' tonight either.
Again Fuck.
Later kids.
9:10 a.m. 2004-01-16
total despair
Feeling much better today so I made it to work only to be bitched out for categorical lazyness. Ishould have called in sick. Should have.
i was in total despair this morning, almost with tears running down my face on the train thinking, why
am i bothering to do this back and forth thing? this BREATHING thing at all? and then i told myself to
fuck off and i bought a pair of socks with cowboys on them.
http://
I found out that 37 is pretty much the maximum number of rocks that you can fit into a dead cat's anus
before post-mortem liquids start leaking from its eye sockets.
http://
- Another diarist who belongs to the
Dear Mr.EdgarFrog,
I was quite offended by that obscene display of young women's boobs and asses on your Fan Club
registration page. I shant be party to such a organization.
Although for some strange reason it did put me in somewhat of a better mood and moistened my pantys a
bit.
I can't even show my rectum to children without them screaming in terror.
~ EdgarFrog ~
- I just have nothing to say to that statement.
3:30pm. Being the male FREE woman that I am I decided I would re-activate my Crackho ad in Yahoo. Let's just see what happens this time.
Crackho Last Year3:35pm. Still no responses. What the hell is the matter with you men?
3:39pm. I recognize some faces on my matches that were on the personals last year. Maybe they are just
waiting to meet "The One", where as I am waiting to meet the "NEXT One".
4:00pm. Still nothin. I'm changing my age from 91 to 44.
Cisco stock went up $1.97 today. I hope everybody goes out this weekend and buys a couple of routers.
Yea, that would be good for me. How come I never see any router commercials of theirs during the
superbowl? Maybe they never thought of advertising there. I should write them an email suggesting it.
I wouldn't have to get a roommate and God knows I can't keep a man around long enough to support my
sorry ass.
4:15pm still nothin. Fuckin men.
4:42: What the hell is an Icebreaker?
First Response
Icebreaker Message:Wanna talk?
1st line in profile.
- I spend most of my days restoring cars from the 60's error.
37 years old. classifies himself as a sports nut
I can reply to this Icebreaker thing for free. Options are.
There is no
I think I'll inactivate it again. This ain't fun today. Their responses are boring.
Horseface is after my job, I would have appreciated a headsup. I think I'm going to go out and get
stinking drunk.
Total Dispair
9:25 a.m. 2004-01-17
Before I end up like Chang One Eye
I am NEVER drinking again.
2004-01-18
Pissing the night away
I don't have a drinking problem.- See, No problem
face. A couple of kind gentlemen strangers graciously drove me home because I had lost my keys. It's
only a matter of time before I end up in a ditch.
- These are the lies I am telling because falling on the ice is so boring of a story.
driving me to the bar to pick up my car: ScaryDan punched me in the face. ScaryDan says "she needs to
learn when to shutup".
walked in and punched me in the face. He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend, she should have punched
him in the face, not me.
she caught me sitting on some guys lap. I'm lying to Karl, ha ha.
week when I lost $20 my husband punched me in the face. See?
I hate telling boring falling on the ice stories. These stories are much better. This is so fun it
just encourages me to lie more.
Later kids,
p.s: Please disregard yesterdays
5:42 p.m. 2004-01-19
domestic skills zero
I stopped by and had a little chat with the boss this morning. We're cool.What happened to your eye?
- "bar fight"
Busy today.
My sister Murtle is going through a divorce and has to move out of
her house. She wants to store stuff in my garage for a yard sale this spring.I told her boyfriend the
- "sitting on some guy's lap story"
- it was a hocky puck that hit my eye
don't like sports.
We went and had Mongolia for lunch. The Mongolia place is right next door to where the KenDoll works. My sister and I invite him over to have lunch with us
but he can't leave because he is expecting a client. Ken's boss ask me how I hurt my eye. I told his
boss that
- "Ken hit me".
My sister asked, "didn't you break up with Ken?
- Yes, but it's been 2 weeks since I've had Mongolian
Weekend Recap
I got nothing
Friday.Mr.Next was at the Norm bar. He loves me. Awe. What a jerk off. I got drunk, Fell down and landed on
my face, lost my car keys/dignity.
Saturday.
I took Scary Dan out to breakfast because he drove me to go get my car. Some guy thinks he recognizes
Dan and comes over to our table and asks, "Are you Dawn's Dad?"
- Was Dawn's mom a stripper?
Mr.Next calls and wants me to go out of town with him. Well that's just not happening.
I met Cowgirl-Wendy. She cracked me up.
- Why did that girl let her hair down it looked so much
better up?
- I have to have 4 lemons in my drink. Not limes, lemons. Four
- Did you see how short that girls skirt is?
- That song would be just as good if they used the word "HECK" instead of that "OTHER" word
and she only gets to see him once a month. She would be fun to go out with as most of my friends who
are girls, do not go out anymore. Pity.
The Italian Guy danced with both of us and wanted to come over to my house and watch tv. How sweet. I
want to go to Rome again. Take me to Rome Italian Guy and then you can watch tv at my house. Not too
hard to figure that one out. If only he were just a little bit taller. I went home alone. Again.
Sunday.
I went over to the mall to see The Return of the Kings movie which I was suppose to see LAST SUNDAY
except that I scared Mr.GD away,
- which,by the way I am
blaming on Karl for coming up and kissing me on the lips in the middle of Mr.GD and my first date.
Karl was just being a pill, I think if that's all it takes to scare men away, they wouldn't last long
around me anyway.
house to watch.
- This is just how domestically stupid I am.
Dan brought a pizza he was putting it in the oven and asked me to set the timer. I say I don't use
the timer I look at the clock. He says that I will forget and then the pizza will burn so set the
timer. I start messing around with the dials on the stove and the heat light for the oven goes off. I
can't get it back on. What's this start-stop time dial thing? It's like I'm trying to get the oven on
for 20 fucking minutes and I can't figure it out. I have to call my Dad to get it figured out. My
dad is real smart.
- It's not like I put lettuce in the freezer, not mentioning any names though she happens to
be my favorite sister. Love you sis.
Futuristic movies that were made when the twin towers were standing can't possibly come true.
I called The Good Dan later, he works out of town so I only get to see him once or twice a month. I
was whining to him because I have only got laid 2 1/2 times since the start of the new year and I
can't find anyone who will put up with me who is not a complete ass/loser.The Good Dan said,
"well I put up with you"
- "Yes, but then you kicked me off
the farm, that makes you an ass."
I wish he would quit spurning my sexual advances.
if I'm horny, who can I have sex with now?
http://
- The answer to that my dear Lauren is infinite.
- 1. Having no boundaries or limits.
- 2. Immeasurably great or large; boundless:
- 3. Existing beyond or being greater than any arbitrarily large value.
in·fi·nite ( P ) Pronunciation Key (nf-nt)adj.
If they had a brand of whiskey named "Lucky" you could be the model spokeswoman for "Lucky Shot
Whiskey" being pregnant and all. Of course once you had the kid you'd probably get fired because no
one wants to see a spokesmodel holding a baby on a "Lucky Shots" billboard.
Later kids.
2004-01-20
Listening to reason
I ask you, "Why should I not have hours and hours of
- sock obliterating
- mind numbing
- toe curling
- hot monkey sex
Then again, "Who are you people to me? Nothin', so stop bossing me around."
Just talking to myself. Nevermind.
I'm thinking I need to get my couch steam cleaned real soon. I am so weak. Aw, but I'm smiling.
2004-01-21
The Deluded
The only time I'm really unhappy is when I am trying to straighten up. I'm going to quit that, except
for the financial responsibility shit. I need to get my shit together there.
I got my first credit card rejection, it kind of hurt my feelings. I never knew you could throw bill
away until I met my friend Kenebinal Kelley.
- I'm not really sure what kanebinal is some sort of drug he was always taking. I couldn't
find it under any drug reference site so I probably misspelled it. I am very surprised he is still
alive. I have Kelly stories.
to take care of business and not live beyond my means. Not tonight though. Tonight I'm going out.
This is not HEART Idol ~ Simon
Don't these people have friends? The reason why I like this show is as insane and messed up as I am Iwould NEVER go on national television to have it recorded for prosperity. So then I can say to myself,
"you are saner then them there folks on that show, that's for sure". It makes me feel all good about
myself.
I felt sorry for the Heart guy. I've dated guys like him. I felt sorry for them too.
Yesterday my power supply blew out of my hard drive at work. They gave me a new one, it's pretty and
clean. Makes me kind of want to clean up my desk area. Kind of.
Don't you have a girlie friend Mr.Bingoguy? One would
think having a girlie friend would stop you from leaving highly suggestive remarks on some trashy
internet slut's comments page? I think you are just asking for trouble.
- Are you dreamy?
- Are you asking for trouble?
Because I like to date dreamy men. Ken's dreamy. He says fuck a lot when I say that.
- Me to Ken: "you're dreamy"
- Ken: "fuck"
It don't matter if they are assholes because as you know, I'm starting to think ALL men are
assholes. But that's ok too, because I date assholes, almost exclusively. Except for the Good Dan, he
is not an asshole even though he did kick me off the farm. I probably had it coming. I still love him,
platonically of course, he will eventually cave in to my sexual advances.
"Mommy, why does the monkey have a tail in the front AND the back?"http://
~ Edgarfrog ~
- I'm reading this guys diary but I'm only up to July 14,2002.
"Didn't you see the signs that said 'Unstable cliffs', you dumb motherfucker? I should take you to
jail right now, you stupid prick. I bet your friend feels like a stupid asshole hanging on to that
cliff right now, you stupid motherfuckers."
http://
- I can say to myself, "you are saner then Edgarfrog, that's for sure". It makes me feel all good
about myself.
"If Albert Einstein were here, he'd probably lock himself in his room and cry if he knew the
disgusting things you were thinking in the name of science"
http://
- That Edgarfrog needs to seek professional help and that's coming from someone who flunked a
"REALITY TEST" and ended up in one of those uncomfortable white jackes .
- How do you study for one
of those reality tests anyway?
I called Mr.Standmeupyetagain because a few of us from work are going
bowling tonight Metro Girl's boyfriend(now fiancé) is leaving for England. Mr.Sta is a great bowler
and I wanted to see if he wanted to go.
- Sorry can't.
Hey, how was the movie?
- Me: I didn't go. I got stood up. (Mr.GD)
- Mr.Sta: I'll go with you next Saturday then.
- Me:ok then, but if you stand me up again I'm coming over to your house with a hammer, I know where
you live.
There's something invisible crawling on my hand and it is freaking me out.
CNN:
An Israeli rabbi has composed a prayer to help devout Jews overcome guilt after visiting porn
sites while browsing the Internet.
The rabbi recommends that Jews recite the prayer when they log on to the Internet or even program
it to flash up on their computer screens so they are spiritually covered whether they enter a porn
site intentionally or by mistake.
And they lock ME up.
Later kids.
12:20 p.m. 2004-01-22
Call your shrink Joe, and tell him you finally lost it.
I lost my keys last night. AGAIN. I had to use the hidden key to get into my house when Caleb's dropped me off. He waited until I got in the house this
time before taking off.
- Last year at St.Patricks day and I lost my keys and Caleb drove me home he didn't wait and
I had to break the window open with a rock and climb inside but I cut my arm up on the glass. My keys
were in my coat pocket, however I was wearing some other persons coat that looked similar to mine.
Coat and keys were retrieved the following day. St.Patricks day was a big drunk that I can't remember
much of except that Caleb was incouraging me to kiss this one girl at the bar where I lost my
coat.
That's two full sets of keys in a week. They might be in his car, or at the bowling alley, or at
Fizzy's, or the pizza place. Luckily I keep 3 full sets of keys just in case I lose the other two,
which I have.
I think I kissed a guy who was 100 years old last night. Caleb was not encouraging me to be doing
that. He's more into women kissing stuff.
I had pizza for lunch (not on diet) but I think it is ok because I walked four miles to get my car at
the bowling alley this morning. I could have taken the bus, or called someone to pick me up but it's
just my way of punishing myself for getting too drunk to drive my car. It's not much of a punishment
though, because I LIKE to walk. Not drunk walking, I fall down on my face when I drunk walk like last
Friday night. My face is almost looking like nobody punched me in it which is good because it is
almost Friday again and I would like to go out without a punched looking face.
This whole "partying with the youngsters" thing is going to end up getting him hurt if he can't be
responsible.
~ Captvfirefly ~
To Caleb,Metro Girl,Sossman:
- I can't believe you guys, my so called friends, did not discourage me from kissing on that 100 year
old man. I am disgusted with you all.
- Fucking so called friends
 | HappyI love my sisters, except for Bitch Sister Shelley, she's a bitch |
from work is probably reading it because I am getting too different IP addresses from my work address.
It's probably Todd or TheNewGuy who's always sneaking up behind me to see what I'm doing.
- Fuckers.
reading internet porn at work. I didn't see anything in the handbook about writtin' it. I could be
wrong.
Later kids.
9:32 a.m. 2004-01-23 20040123.htmlWhat a good wife you would be
So last night I
stayed home and didn't drink at all. I think I got this alcoholism thing beat. I did laundry but I
forgot to turn on the dryer after throwing in the clothes so this morning they were still wet and kind
of smelled like clothes that had sat wet all night. I had to put another bounce thing in to overcome
that "sitting wet all night" smell.
I find it odd that I can stay out to all hours of the night and still have time to walk four miles to
my car before work yet if I stay home I can't get my fat ass out of bed in time to do the dishes. I
did shovel the walk because it snowed again. I wouldn't have walked to my car yesterday if it was
snowing like today but yesterday was spring like, today is winter like.
I made a bacon omelet. I LOVE bacon omelets but they are like 8 points. Last year I got in the habit
of only used egg whites for omelets and bacon bits so then it was only 3 points until I went down to
Kansas to see Mom. I just couldn't bring myself to throw away egg yokes in front of her. Wasteful.
Ken left a half of a beer when he was over last Monday, I had put it in the refrigerator and drank it
this morning with my yummy bacon omelet. It was kind of flat but throwing out beer just because it is
a couple of days old is just wasteful.
You know what I hate? I hate knocking an almost full roll of toilet paper into the toilet with my
curling iron cord because I was too lazy to put in on the holder. I hate that.
I was watching the news this morning and I see a guy that looks like a child molester or rapist
heading for my door. Never mind he was just walking across the street.
- That was a close one
long time ago when I was first dating the Good Dan, my post office
man got a show.Dan acted all innocent acting like even though he saw the postman come up the sidewalk, "I didn't
think he could see in with all your plants in front of the window".
I took Dan outside just to show him how much the postman could see. It was a lot. That's why it's
prudent for me to put dark car window stuff on them. Kids you know. Lots of kids around that cut
across my lawn to go to school. Don't want them to go home and tell their parents that the crazy woman
on the end of the block was trying to bite of some guys peepee off or whatever I happen to be doing on
my couch when they look into my window.
- My couch sees a lot of action.
Miss MeanDonnaJean,I think its a waste that cool artwork (tats) just end up rotting away when you die. There ought to bea way to skin ya and save all those cool tats for prosperity or heirlooms for the kids.
That's my
million dollar idea today.
Cisco dropped $1.16 so far today. That's not good. I'm probably going to get a fucking margin call on
Monday. Fuck. If you people went out and bought routers like I told you last Friday I wouldn't be
getting margin calls. You fucking people.
And fuck The Troll for getting me into buying penny stocks in
2000 and losing tons of money that I didn't have. Although his recent stock tip IONA is up to $6.91
and I bought 200 shares around $5 a share. Of course I bought another 100 a couple of days ago at
$7.50 because I had extra money in my day trading account and I can't stand to see money just sitting
there even though it would have been prudent to pull some money out and pay off some bills. I guess
I'm not a very prudent person, except for the not letting kids see what I do on my couch thing.
3:31 I've been working all day.
Horseface sent over a new crappy excel sheet with how we are
suppose to do things but it is crap. I trained at the company she works at for a week last year and
created a database that has how we are suppose to categorize the service tickets for that company
which they have changed thing all around so it needs to be updated now. Mine is better because I can
run reports off it and create nice web pages that sort everything and has a find keyword thing that
makes it fast and easy.
- I like things fast and easy
and see if my database needs to be changed. I told her if she makes a change move the item to the
bottom of the excel sheet so I don't have to check every fucking item.
Fucking dumb bitch, I hate her. I'd like to punch her in the face right now.
5:37pm Mr.Standmeupyetagin just called and said he would be at my house
at 11:00am tomorrow so we could go to the movie tomorrow. He best not stand me up or I'm going to be
coming at him with a hammer.
I don't have any plans tonight so I don't know what I'm going to do. Hopefully it wont involve me
losing any fucking keys. I'm going to marry Mr.Sta when I'm eighty because I'm just not ready to
settle down yet.
5:50pm Just called The Good Dan he is on his way home from working
out of town and is tired so he will see me tomorrow night. He would never stand me up, ever. Dan would
be a better man to marry except he's looking for more of a "wife type" kind of girl. I'm more of an
ex-girlfriend type of girl that's why I got me tons of ex's littering this fine town but I would marry
The Good Dan if I could trick him into it until I was eighty then I would have to get divorced because
I all ready promised Mr.Sta I would marry him.
Later kids.
9:33 a.m. 2004-01-24
I am not a Nazi
Apparently the *skinning for tatoo thing was thought up by Hitler to make lamps and if you start
talking about skinning people to save artwork at a bar people look at you weird and think you're a
Nazi.
I'm not KILLING people, I'm just skinning them to save the artwork. Fucking stupid people,
looking at me like I'm insane.
Karl said I could probably get $40 on Ebay for Charles Manson tatoo on his forehead.
I think Karl was LOWBALLING me.
Karl didn't think I was a Nazi but Karl
is cool. He's in a band and has an autograph picture of G. Gordon Liddy in his basement which is a
recording studio. I'm going out with Karl next Thursday.
I bought my favorite niece concert tickets to the American Idol because I am the best aunt in the
world. She is so excited, this will be her first concert.
How many Nazis would go to a Clay Aiken concert?
Probably none.
Fucking Nazis.
*skinning for tatoo thing
|
My landlady promised to buy a spaceheater, but I have yet to see it. Think she'd be angry if I killed
her and wore her skin for warmth?
~ Unwittingly ~
2004-01-25
lost in your eyes
I met a couple of mutts Saturday night, Steve andhis cousin Scrappy Rob last night.
Steve is African American, Chinese, English and NezPerce. My mom would hate that I was kissing on him
because she is a racist. My mom hates the NezPerce for some reason, and the Russians. Mom thinks that
all Russians are communists.
Ever since the "save the children from the communists and
devil incident" I have been trying to stay away from Russians and the devil. Both mom and I aren't
suppose to have guns. She is more scary then me because she is a really good shot. She use to shoot
chicken hawks out of the sky that were trying to get her chickens. We(my sisters and I) have to go
visit her in Kansas because her relatives convinced her we will have her committed again if she comes
here. We really wouldn't unless she tried the "Saving thing"
again. The Mom relatives are very religious and insane. --
the land of oz 2003
Mr Sta fixed my garage. I thought he stood me up again because he
still wasn't at my house at 11:30 and he said he would be there at 11:00 I headed off to the mall
without him and I was getting mighty pissed off. On the way I saw him heading for my house so I
u-turned it and followed him back. He got a bitching out all the way to the mall for being late and
not calling and making me think I got stood up again and I wanted to get there earlier because I
wanted to go get a latte and get good seats. After we got are good seats and he bought me a latte I
settled down and quit bitching at him.
Great movie - Return of the King. He sniffled more then me during it but I did tear up a little. I
love the dwarf.
- Certain death, little chance of success, what are we waiting for?
When we got back to my house he got some tools out of his car and fixed the garage door that was
messed up because I had backed into it unintentionally because it was so cold out that it didn't go
all the way up and my ski racks knock the bolt to the bottom glider out.
I really like Mr Sta when he doesn't stand me up.
I had to go to Costco because I was out of both salsa and jalapenos, I normally wait for payday on the
1st for my Costco shopping but I cannot live without salsa& jelapenos for my bacon omelets. They had
swimming suits on sale for $20 so I bought one even though it is the middle of winter. I lost my other
swimsuit somewhere, I lose stuff. It looked pretty good on me but I cut myself a lot of slack.
Saturday night, Mr black says to me, "I'm getting lost in your eyes"
- Me: "They have done studies that show that the first thing men notice in a woman is her eyes and the
first thing women notice about men is that they are a bunch of liars"
character and cracks me up. I'm glad I went to this Chinese dance place instead of my normal horse
bar because the horse bar is way across town and the Chinese dance place is within staggering
distance.
- Remember, Chinese food in China is called "food".~ SaveCraig ~
thought" maybe I should stick closer to home tonight" . The Italian guy was probably wondering where I
was. Mr. Black had to work earlier but scrappy didn't want to leave so I told them I would drive
Scrappy home. He has a hot tub. I say "what a coincidence. I just bought a swimsuit today" how's that
for premonition that I would need a swimsuit.
I like hottubbing but I think I may need to lay off those bacon omelets. fucking fat ass.
I told my skinning story to Mr black . he said "you could just take a picture of the tattoos instead
of skinning them"
- Yea, for a BORING alternative maybe
2004-01-26
I got some, but fuck.
Mr.black called me at work and is taking me to Big Fish next Saturday. He's a photographer and want's
me to make him a website. He might be lying about the photographer thing just in case I am one of
those type of girls that like to get their picture taken naked. I'm not.
Steve the Weirdo tried that when I was nineteen. It really
pissed me off. He was a masturbating to naked girlie picture pervert all right. I could testify to
that. Always masturbating and bringing home used porno magazines because he was too much of a
cheapass to buy non-used porno.
That's a whole lot of next-day apologizin.
Thanks%20to%20all%20you%20people%20and%20went%20out%20and%20bought%20routers%20this%20weekend.%20No%20margin%20call!%20I%20was%20kind%20of%20
I%20looked%20all%20day%20on%20the%20internet%20for%20jobs%20for%20Ken%20today%20and%20printed%20out%20the%20ones%20I%20thought%20he%20might%20
Some%20people%20would%20think%20that%20I'
far as a friend thing goes, I'm less shitty.
Fun Biology Facts: Your brain needs sleep to function properly, or else you'll go crazy. Alcohol
dehydrates the brain causing it to not function properly and make you go crazy. So, when you drink AND
you don't sleep, it's like you're dead....Except you're not. There was no time for sleep. All time was
spent on gambling and drinking.
~ EdgarFrog ~
Ken is coming over for dinner tonight. He's pretty depressed because if he doesn't get a job he is
going to lose his truck. If I lost my job I would probably lose my house. Ken lost his house last year
in the divorce, the truck is all he has. He's a lucky man to have a girlfriend that can't keep her New
Years resolution to dump his poor sorry ass.
I guess that depends on how you look at that. Some
people may view having me for a girlfriend as BAD LUCK.
Weekend Recap
Friday:
next Thursday
AGAIN. YEA ME!
Saturday:
What 1:00am calls really mean:
Instead of saying:
- "I know I've blown you off for the last week or so but I'm horny now and want a piece of ass and I
can't find anyone this late to take me home and fuck so I thought I'd give you might be in the mood
to give it to me."
- "Hi, Just thought I'd call and see how you are doing."
- I got nothing.
Sunday:
- He will be done working out
of town in a year or so, I told him,
- "I'll wait for you, but hell if I'm going to wait
alone".
cheapass for not giving me the change back from his $20 when he bought my breakfast.
- I need my kitchen floor replaced and the Good Dan said to get it properly done I need to pull up the
old tiles. I could get the brown squares up that I put on when I first bought my house 10 years ago
but I could not get the crap up that was under that. I even put an iron on it to melt the glue and
stuff. A fucking hour I was trying to get that crap up. Luckily I started to rip up the tile that was
under my stove and when I moved my stove I found $25. I took it as an omen to go skiing instead of
trying to pull up the stupid tile. Skiing kicked ass.
- Called Scary Dan to bring over some movies so he came over and we watch something about Mary, and
Heavy Metal.
Notable movie quotes:
- Love blisters
- if you please me I may let you live
Later kids,
10:22 a.m. 2004-01-27
you don't bring me anything but down
Scary Dan stopped by last night around 7:30pm to watch The Simple Life with me.
- Paris is the smart
one because she had to explain what a laundry mat is.
over for dinner. I was a little apprehensive about Ken meeting Dan but anyone who is wanting to live
with me is going to have to put up with my mean old biker guy ex boyfriend showing up to watch TV with
me and my Robert Redford looking ex-boyfriend, The GoodDan, who takes me out to dinner and dancing
every other week. That's just how it is.
Ken was suppose to be over at 8:00 but didn't show up until 8:30. So I served him up his dinner.
- Aren't you going to eat? Ken asks"
- I'm kind of
a bitch. Kind of.
Dan leaves at 9, Ken leaves at 10:30. I may be old fashioned but I'm thinking that if you drink 2 of
my beers and I go to all the trouble of making you dinner and looking for jobs for you, you should put
out.
Email from Mr.Edgarfrog,
- In reply to your note about leaving notes, isn't it already fairly easy to leave a note in my Notes
section? You should know, since you just left a note in my Notes section about leaving notes.
Incidentally, when are you going to join my Fan Club and/or volunteer for Women's Lib?
E.F.
I am not in the habit of emailing strange men such as yourself and as I have explained before, I
was quite offended by that obscene display of young women's boobs and asses on your Fan Club
registration page. I shant be party to such a organization.
Love Missk2
P.S:How fucking hard is it to put up a fucking link? http://
http://
Some people, who are not me, might find that game in poor taste. tonight with some other folks from work.
open mike night.
may go to a movie.
I have a pretty full plate this week, except for Wednesday, I got nothing going on for Wednesday.
Man that ZooAss site is run by
a bunch of sickos.
12:21: I'm having couscous lentil soup for lunch. Couscous is yummy.
I did ask her what she wanted to do for her Birthday. She said she wants to get
laid. I was a bit taken back, she usually bites her tongue rather than say what she
wants to. She thought she offended me, if she only knew what it took to offend me.
http://
Feel free to skip this joke from my sister which I rewrote for her.
Sisters night out:
- Last night, my sisters and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the sisters Wink wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, Wink licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, Taz pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. She also rips open her shirt thus showing her well endowed boobies and says"What do you think of these?"
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, Kaytwo pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks his butt then sticks the $50 bill to it. Kaytwo is into butt licking, she embarrasses us all.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to Malibu Barbie! Now everyone's attention is focused on her, (which Barbie likes it when it is all about her) and the guy is egging her on to try to top the $50. Her brain was churning as she reached for her wallet
- ... What could she do??!?
And what was Murtle doing during all of this??????!?!?!?!? Hello, she is the reason the male dancer came over in the first place! SMILES :) and starts singing "Brown Eye Girl" because she had a coupleof drinks and we all know that Murtle CANNOT hold her liquer.
As you know this is just a joke because anyone will tell you that Wink hates men and would never give any of them $10.
Me to The Troll:
- IONA is up to $7 now. I have 300 shares. I owe you a drink one of these days.
Replies The Troll:
I fucked up bigtime on this one. I had 3300 shares, bought in at 2.98. I got scared and bailed at
5.00. It hit 8 the other day. That was an easy 10K I passed up on. ARGH! I bought back in at 6.86
for 1000 shares. It still looks very promising to make money soon.
It was so busy today. I converted the inventory system which was on a piece of crap software into
Access so I can run Crystal reports off it and make a nice little web site interface. I'm thinking I
need a raise.
Later kids,
9:08 a.m. 2004-01-28
A lot must get past me
Cranky today, running late for work because Icouldn't get my ass out of bed this morning. The KenDoll was keeping me awake with his snoring from
1:00am when it started to 4:00am. I kept kicking him until he stopped, 5 minutes later he started up
again.
I never realized he snored until last night. Figuring that I probably slept with the man at least
81 times since I met him and this is the first time I noticed he snored?
- A lot must get past
me.
He already got a job offer for more than he makes now but it is in another town 80 miles away. That's
a good thing because if he doesn't find a job in town, he can take that job.
I had strange dreams last night because I kept getting woke up in the middle of them due to the
snoring. Not good sex dreams. Dreams where I'm trying to clean out my makeup cabinet and am trying to
decide if I should throw away several eye colors that come in a 4 pack but there is the one ugly color
that is full that I never use. I can't remember if I was wasteful and threw the ugly eye color away
because I got woke up by the snoring.
Normally I want Ken to spend the night but last night I was looking at him snoring and all I could
think was
- It would be nice if he would go home.
I think I'm going to get a fucking margin call tomorrow. Fuck.
Later kids.
8:35 a.m. 2004-01-29
Smokin crack
I remember KenDoll putting me to bed but I woke upalone. Maybe he left because I was snoring or maybe he left because I was kissing on old hippy Dave at
the bar or maybe he just had to go somewhere really early. No matter.
So I'm walking to my car after work last night thinking I'm just going to go home and have a boring
evening when my cell rings. Why it's Mr.Next with the offer of his
company and a couple of drinks.
Not being one to decline such an offer, I agreed to meet him.
Whatever did I see in that man? Was I smokin' crack? Did someone switch my Lithium with
birthcontrol pills? What a good for nothing prick.
He asks, "are you ever going to take me skiing?"
- I say, "I go up most every weekend if it is nice anytime you want to catch a ride just call and
I'll pick you up."
- I say, "what the HELL are you talking about?"
- I think you have me confused with one of your other skanks, you fucking ass.
stopped at the Norm bar and Hillbilly bought me a glass of wine, then old hippy Dave bought me
another.
- red pepper - breakfast +
- couscous - lunch +
- 2 vodka cranberries +
- 3 glasses of wine
hippy Dave but even old hippies need a nice kiss once in a while. Just my way of saying t o Ken,
"Maybe I'm just not ready to have you be moving in".
Scary Dan drove me to my car this morning, he's and old hippy too
but I don't kiss him, maybe I should.
NAW. Too scary.
Later kids.
10:17 a.m. 2004-01-30
Smigger
Last night when I went to go see Karl play on open mikenight, I was sitting by Scotty the bartendar who has known me forever because it was my old stomping
ground that my sister Malibu Barbie and I use to go to every Friday a decade ago when someone asks if
I was Scotty's wife.
- I say, "No, I'm his secret girlfriend guess the cats out of the bag now."
- I say, "wait until the wife hears about this, you're in deep shit"
- "are you going to buy me
a drink or are you going to have to move?"
- What do you call a black
smurf?
Smigger
That Scotty cracks me up.- Please note I am not responsible for Scotty's off color jokes so
if you have anything to say about it, talk to Scotty
For Dick:because I LOVE hairy men.
Todd has a radio that is voice activated. He can say rock and a rock station comes on. He says
classical and a classical station comes on.
He was driving to work this morning and somekids ran in front of his car causing him to hit the
brakes. He yells,"fucking kids" and his radio tunes in Michael Jackson.
Friday, joke day.
I got a new laptop at work today. Wad set it up for me. It's
pretty.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
Another Todd joke.
MomAtWork and I are going out for a couple of martinis tonight.
I'll probably not get into trouble tonight because she is driving and is very responsible. Unlike
myself.
2004-01-31
It's about time you begin to act like a young lady
Big Fish was an excellant movie. I askedMr. Black if my joke was offensive as he being black would know if it is offensive or not, he laughed
and said he had heard it before and told me a couple of other smurff jokes. I forgot them though. I
forget jokes unless I write them down.
Mr.Black wanted to kiss me after the movie but I had not been drinking so no kiss was had. I need to
quit kissing on guys in bars. That's all there is too that.
Saturday evening I didn't even go out which is odd because I'm not sick and I have money because I
just got paid. Ken was not feeling well so I just watched old movies with my cat on the couch.
- And now I'm going to take you in my arms and kiss you,very quickly and very hard.
Seven Year Itch
sick or out of money.
wake me up
If you are looking for a
casual dating experience that is more fun and exciting than anything you've ever
experienced, then date the insane.
~ Gutterpoet ~
I would have gone skiing but it was so cold and windy. It snowed all day, good day to spend winding down instead of cleaning my house or doing laundry like I had planned.
My soon to be ex-boyfriend went to the New Years eve party at my friend Karls last night with me. Charlie & Ruth Ryan were there. He was the writer and original singer of \"Hot Rod Lincoln\". He and his wife have been married 66 years, very cute couple. I'm never going to find someone to stick by me for 66 years. I made Ruth's drinks and we both got a little drunk. Her husband played the guitar all night but she had to help with with the lyrics once in a while. I hope that when I'm 88 I have as much love of life as that couple do. It was so sweet.
I hadn't seen my so-called poor excuse of a boyfriend Ken for almost a month but he show up at my door a few days ago again. He says he hasn't been with anyone else but men lie. I know this to be a fact. I need to move on except that he knocks my socks off. I'm auditioning for a NEW boyfriend and as soon as I find one who can knock off my socks like Ken, then it'll be
- \"Goodbye to you\"
I don't know what it is about him that I can't let go, lack of resolve I recon.
Later kids,
2004-01-02
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Fallen.
I have a \"let myself down\" feeling today. Probably because I was planning on breaking it off with Ken and I didn't. I have no guts.
Earning my keep today, the first of the year is always busy for me. I updated 21 reports today and I'm not even a quarter of the way done.
Ran to the clinic during lunch, I like to start off the year making sure I didn't catch any deadly disease from any of my guys and start an epidemic. Lucked out again. That's one of the reasons I keeps the KenDoll around, he's safe. Boring out of bed, outstanding in bed, and safe. Well, safe so far. I shall endeavor to be a little more cautious in the future while auditioning the new hopefuls.
Later kids.
2004-01-03
Auditioning
Dear boys,
if you think that little blue pill would help you, please spend the $1.00 and quit wasting my time.
Thanks.
New rule. I am never having sex with any man whose vechile is worth more than my house again.
That is all.
Later kids.
2004-01-04
I love my life
In time these wounds will scab over and heal into a life long scar.9:12 a.m. 2004-01-05
Kill me now
I broke up with the KenDoll yesterday. Well not him, his answering machine on his cell which he never answers. I've broken up with him before, like every other month I break up with him, but THIS time I told his machine to tell him to drop off my house keys. I hope it sticks. No Guarantees.
- I know how weak I am.
Weekend News:
Joybitch called and wanted me to go out with her and MissL.
- Why would I go out with them again?
- I need to seek professional help.
KenJr called, he wanted to borrow the Bronco that my friend Caleb is borrowing. As much as I like KenJr, I'm thinking that if I only met someone in a bar last week, I wouldn't be asking to borrow their car. KenJr sounds exactly like my old roommate Mr.Clean. I think I will not let KenJr rent out the room in February.
- Now there I go being sane.
Saturday night went out dancing at the Horse place. The Italian guy was there. I like him because he always is laughing at me. I'm trying to convince him to take me to Rome for a month next time he goes. I have been unsuccessful to do so as of this date but I have faith in my abilities. He would be doable if he were just a little bit taller or if he took me to Rome.
- I am one shallow woman.
I went skiing but it was so cold my cheeks felt like someone was sticking needles into them so I didn't ski long however I did enjoy one or two coffee & kahluas in the ski lounge. That warmed me up a bit.
Scary Dan brought over a movie \"Colinwood\" that we watched. I make him sit on a blanket when he comes over because he stinks but his stink went right through the blanket onto my couch. I need to get a thicker blanket for him to sit on. He smells like feet. He says it is jungle rot from the fields of VietNam. Dan is not doable either, it's all I can do to let him sit on my couch.
The guy who had the New Year's Eve party was suppose to come over Sunday night for dinner and bring my crock pot and deep fat fryer back that I had taken to the party. He didn't show up or call. He has been wanting to audition but I think I'm really tired of men who do not the common courtesy to call when invited over for dinner.
- I have \"Zero tolerance\".
2:13pm: I'm less bitchy now than I was this morning. That's just my opinion so I could be wrong.
Paid all of my bills with the money that I got from selling $1000 worth of stock last week except for a $466 dentist bill (that's after insurance). I still owe him $200 but he can wait until next month. I need to remember to floss. I need to get a roommate. One that doesn't want to borrow my car or just got out of jail.
I'm halfway done updating all those stupid reports that I have to update every year. My brain isn't use to working so hard. It would be nice if someone would come over and pleasure me tonight. Maybe I'll call Ken and apologize for talking mean at his answering machine. Maybe I wont.
- I am so weak.
Later kids.
9:10 a.m. 2004-01-06
Teflon
Yea that break up didn't last long. He happened to drop off my house keys when I was watching \"Real Sex\" on HBO. It didn't have a chance. Ah but I am smiling today.It is so cold out that unbeknownst to me my automatic garage door didn't not open all of the way resulting in me backing into it. Something else for ScaryDan to fix.
I put the KenDoll on probation:
- I do not think that is unreasonable as I am not someone who calls ALL OF THE TIME.
- He says, \"But that's like every other day\".
- I say, \"Why yes, yes it is.\"
- He says, \"I have NO money\".
- I say, \"you can be my designated driver so it wont cost you anything the other option that you have is to quit bitching when I go out with other men who DO have money.\"
I feel sorry for anyone I date.
Later kids.
9:24 a.m. 2004-01-07
Just give me one more reason darlin'
Some nice citizen went around my entire block and removed the snow on the sidewalk. Only took me a couple of minutes to shovel from my porch to the sidewalk this morning so I had time to relax instead of running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get ready for work.
This is the most snow I have seen in years. It didn't snow Sunday, nice clear skys, silly me thinking I could ski in -7 degree weather but the drive up was beautiful and the view from the top of the mountain was so pristine it was worth the drive.
I called KenDoll at 8:05pm last night so he still has 10 hours to call me back. He goes out \"with the boys\" on Tuesday nights.
- Just give me one more reason darlin'
Mr.GD (Gil/Darrin) who I met a couple of weeks ago specifically 12/27/2003 called last night. He is taking me to the Lord of the Rings next weekend. We talked for a long time which is odd for me as I am not a phone person. Mr.GD called me a couple of times last week but kind of blew me off on Friday. I was bitching at him about that but he said he had a houseful of people watching a football game and he didn't invite me over because he knows I don't like sports. He likes to go out to dinner and movies and concerts.
- I'm starting to like this guy
Ken and I have been to ONE movie since I met him last May and I paid for it. ONE.
This afternoon Mr.Sta-ndmeupyetagain calls me at work. I haven't seen or heard from him since we went to Christmas at Dads together. He told me last time I saw him that he was going to take me to the Lord of the Rings so that is why I haven't went to it yet. I told him that I would be more than happy to see the movie more then once but he wanted to know what time I'm going with Mr.GD so he could as he put it, \"take me away from him\".
He told me he thinks I am oversexed.
- How can that be?
- I can go without sex for days.
I think he is just undersexed. Mr.Sta and ScaryDan are scheduled to come over for dinner tonight and I'm not sleeping with either of them because Mr.Sta has to not stand me up 3 times in a row and if he shows up tonight, that is only number 2. He also said he would take a look at the garage door. That's sweet.
Whatever will I do if The KenDoll
shows up? Hey it's not ME who's on probation here, let the chips fall where they may.
I really need to get over this love lust shit I have for Ken, been thinking about him all day. I think there may be the slightest possibility that I am in heat today.
Please piss me off so I can move on...
PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
- In the morning though after hours and hours of sock obliterating -
mind numbing -
toe curling hot monkey sex.
Later kids,
8:55 a.m. 2004-01-08
Anger Management
ScaryDan was on a roll last night, I about peed my pants laughing. I try to write down what he says but I can't read my writing. This is as much as I could make out of my scribbles:- My anger management counselor is concerned about my concealed weapons permit.
- They don't like me to talk about Nam in group therapy because it upsets the others.
- If you only have 2 pair of boots, you're going to stink them both up
That was REALLY funny to me last night.
The boys down in the rage control center need to start out sourcing or hire some gifted new talent.I can actually see the vessels in my veins bubbling.
~ Spanklin ~
Mr.Standmeupyetagain lived up to his name. KenDoll voilated his probation. Forks in both of their eyes, I say.
Tonight I'm going out with a friend from work, MissKC to a 50's Elvis Birthday Bash. I couldn't fit my fat ass into the plaid skirt I wanted to wear but I found a pink & green one that will work. Should be minutes of fun.
I feel unburdened today.
9:22 a.m. 2004-01-09
Now that's a strange recording
The Good Dan called last night when I was getting ready to go out to the 50's dance and I didn't reach the phone in time to pick it up so he got my answering machine. I don't remember leaving that message on it but it was funny.
- Hey don't hang up because I wont know who called because I don't have caller id or star 69 so if you hang up I'm just not calling you back and you only have yourself to blame
Dan says, \"Now that's a strange recording\" before I can pick it up. He is taking me out this weekend.
I changed my message to reflect the fact that I would be at the 50's dance just up the street and for anyone who called to \"come on up\" thinking that if Mr.GD called he could come up and dance with us.
And who do you think shows up but KenDoll which is odd because it cost $5 to get in. MissKC and Mr.NiceTruckGuy showed up. Wait a minute, Mr.NiceTruckGuy who I have been going out to Margaritas with on Tuesdays for most of the summer brought his girlfriend of 3 years. How strange that the fact he had a girlfriend never came up. Very strange.
Anyhow, a good time was had by all Ken was good and danced with everyone. One guy who was dancing with me remembered me from when I worked at the racetrack which was a LONG time ago.
I should have got up with Ken this morning so he could drive me back to my car instead of me being late for work because I forgot I left it there and Caleb has my other car so I had to walk.
No matter. It's a great day to be alive.
Got my socks knocked off and he's so tall and dark and handsome and strong and dreamy.
I love him today.
10:32 a.m. 2004-01-10
What? Me scary?
Friday night Mr.GD and I went to the dog bar for a couple of drinks. I like talking to him but I'm not physically attracted to him but he is a real nice guy. Real nice. Probably too nice for me to ruin.
He told me that one of his friends at the party told him that \"She has a boyfriend and to stay away from her\"
- HER meaning ME.
He disregarded the apparent insufficient warning from his friend and took the bold measure of actually being seen with me in public thus probably ruining his reputation in this town.
He told me I was \"scary\". What? Me scary? Why I'm practically the nicest person on the planet just ask any man around after I've had 4 or 5 glasses of wine.
You know how adults talk in the Charlie Brown Movies? That's how men sound to me when they talk about sports or cars or other such \"men topics\". I find it very hard to keep focus however the guy last night was a self conversationist. He thinks I'm a real good listener.
TheGeneral, who I am physically attracted to, was there and caught my eye. He was at the NewYears eve party, wasn't too happy with me bringing the KenDoll and I haven't seen him since. I'm still voting for him but he needs to start calling me and taking me out.
Anyway, Mr.GD and I are going out dancing tonight so we'll see.
Wandered over to the mall and saw \"Cold Mountain\". I didn't care too much for the ending which I wont ruin for you except to say that I hate movies that insinuate that your life has meaning only if you have a man and a child.
The Good Dan called this afternoon and had me meet him at the Mustard Seed at 5:00pm. I had osaka chicken my favorite. Always one to be early, I drank a pot of tea waiting for him. It's always good to see him even if it is only once every other week. I think that after he is done with this job out of town, we may just see a little bit more of each other. He's is a good man, I hope that he is always in my life.
When I got home my favorite sister Malibu Barbie called and said she was having a few people over for a party and to come on over so
I called Mr.GD and asked him if he wanted to go there instead of out dancing. He said he had a busy day and was tired and needed a shower so he just wanted to stay home but would see me tomorrow. HUM... I'm thinking he's starting to bolt.
Off I go to sis's party. Some guy there was cooking up some mexican food, kind of made me wish that I hadn't just got done eating. Her friends are all young, beautiful, fun to be around and have good jobs. My friends are on the lam, stinky, broke and alone. I love her.
I decided since Mr.GD bailed on me to go out dancing to the Horse bar where the Italian Guy normally is so he could dance with me. However, it seemed to be he was going to get lucky that night because he was sitting with some blonde and gave me that \"I might be getting lucky tonight\" wink. There wern't very many people there and all that I had to dance with was this ugly guy with bad breath who squeezed my hand lovingly after every dance. Ugh.
Enough of that. Damm Italian Guy.
Stopped by the \"Norm\" bar on my way home and talked to Hillbilly for a while. Joane and her boyfriend were there but my stomach was all acidy from drinking all of that tea at the Mustard Seed and I wasn't in the mood for a threesome because it would be me that would be the one puking so I just had a beer and went home.
Saturday night 10:30pm. Home alone. AGAIN.
- My life is so boring
Later kids,
6:39 p.m. 2004-01-11
We didn't lose Nam, It was a tie
yup'm he bolted. Owed to Scary dan and a Fish Called Wanda. No matter. I LOVE my life. Scary Dan scares a lot of people but he doesn't scare me but then again, I'm a scary woman.
later kids.
9:38 a.m. 2004-01-12
Let me just check your file
10:00pm Sunday night:
Knock knock. Who's there? Why it's Mr.Next wanting to have another go at it because he LOVES me. Had I not drank a half of bottle of wine with Scary Dan and feeling like playing a little kissy face I would have shut the door in his face.
- I like playing kissyface, harmless fun.
I made him leave at 11:00 because he wanted reasons why I wont get back with him and demanded to much of my attention during \"Buffy\".
- Let me check my Mr.Next files
Round 1 Aug 25,2003
Round 2 Oct 12, 2003
Oh wait a minute... I forgot that he also stranded me at that bar where I didn't know anybody and I had to walk home.
But he's very entertaining...I like being entertained and he has such pretty eyes. We'll see.
10:48 a.m. 2004-01-13
I don't know. Let's just see what happens
I spent most of the morning watching my desktop manipulate space pictures with an
image applett that I downloaded from Intel's website a few years ago.
Oz
I have that whole \"moonwalk\" in the head thing going on.
~ Perfectbone ~
brain dead today. see other folks who are way more interesting reads
I won't be denied as I plunge into her dark, moist, neither regions.
~ Biased Unfair ~
instead of killing myself i've opted to clean my mittens and hat and call najda. then read about birds.
~Common-tegus ~
Don't tell me you love me.... I'm instantly going to think that you are lying to me, and second, I don't need that kind of pressure.
~ Bub66ohm ~
This beer they serve tastes like ass water.
~ Dennis ~
Dear Men,
Please explain to me the reason WHY the male persuasion refuses to even look at, read or even ask for or about any kinda directions when it comes to doin' somethin' that they have absolutely NO knowledge of or goin' someplace that they've never been before.
~ MeanDonnaJean ~
He once accused me of trying to choke him. his dad looked like a molestor, and his son had a bowl haircut, accused me of trying to choke him, and he was a little shithead. maybe I was trying to choke him.
~ Satellitebob ~
Kittys may be smart, but they're bad liars. Animals are honest. Except squirrels. They're evil.
~ Fergie ~
He stood behind her, letting her feel his masterful gaze.
~ Warmleftover ~
She's a little wierd right now and called me \"sweetie\" on the phone again. That just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
~ Rokazu ~
Humanity doesn’t seem to keep well. With every day that goes by, people are looking more and more like potato salad that’s been out in the sun for a day or two.
~ MagicWhiskey ~
2:40pm. This day is just dragging.
Mr. Spanky, Always a favorite of mine:
- Nostrils blaring she describes the ordeal of dealing with japs at her country club.
~ Spanklin ~
Takes me a minute or two to understand what he is trying to express... the man can \"turn a phrase\" but sometimes I have a hard time understanding the sentence structure that he uses. Very unique writer.
Spent the rest of the afternoon with some Spanky favorites from last year.
If the whole holes in the t-shirt rugged man thing works for you, book a flight to NYC immediately so I can bone your mouth as soon as possible.
~ Spanklin ~
\"Look, I either gotta shoot it in ya or on ya.\"
~ Spanklin ~
Nasty boys are yummy.
Later kids.
9:18 a.m. 2004-01-14
Stay Scared
Last night we were yapping it up when ScaryDan said,- \"That's a long fucking walk home on acid\"
when reminiscing about his ex-wife who let him out of the car on his demand, 10 miles away from home because she pissed him off. Scary Dan cracks me up.
He is coming over tonight to watch the finale of \"The Simple Life\" with me.
Dan is very political, listens to talk radio all day, and was on a rant last night. He says that if he went to Mexico and gave up his American citizenship then snuck back into this country he would get more benefits than this country now gives it's Vets. He's bitter. Very bitter. War fucks young men up. I'm a pacifist but I can't own a gun because of the insanity thing.
- it's a crazy world we live in kids
The KenDoll called at 2:00am, surprisingly I did not invite his sorry ass over for playtime and it's been almost a week since I've been laid, I must be sick or something.
- Don't you think it's a little late to be calling? I have to work tomorrow, you ass.
Although I could have used him this morning. Used him REALLY bad. Damm, why should I have to go without sex because he is an ass? Well not totally without, somethings can take care of themselves.
I never let the Good Dan meet Scary Dan until after we broke up. I had a BBQ a couple of years ago and both of them were there. The Good Dan says,
- \"I can't believe you talk to her like that.\"
The Good Dan never had to sleep with one eye open, Scary Dan did.
Round the coffee area.
The higherups were giving a tour to WAY higherups.
- I say, \"Am I in your way?\"
WAY Higherup, \"no\". As soon as I move (out of the way) he opens the drawer to get at the tea.
- \"So you were lying to me when you said I wasn't in your way? You're the
first man to lie to me today.\"
WAY higherup said \"I was the 68th employee of \"XXX\"
- (XXX has 80,000 employees)
- I say, \" you must be really old\"
- One of the programmers says, \"I don't think that that was the response he was looking for\".
So much for my plan of keeping a low profile at work. I'm thinking, \"no more coffee today unless someone else fetches it for me.\"
9:12 a.m. 2004-01-15 20040115.html
just push the button
No more free cable, I had to return the cable box because I am not on welfare and cannot afford it. I can afford Basic Cable $12.95 but I have to use the remote control on my vcr which sucks because it doesn't have a up/down channel button so I have to type in 02,03,04 that's a extra button everytime. Over time, that will add up to a lot of extra button pushings and it pisses me off that I am so cheap that I wont spring for cable and that I am so lazy I'm bitching about having to push an extra button.
I woke up at 3:00am and couldn't get back to sleep because there was a gallon of snot that was attempting to concrete the inside of my nose and I couldn't breathe. I should have called in sick today. I'm thinking my employers are going to get less than 100% of me today.
When I updated my Links html today, with those cool eyes, TheNewGuy was standing over my shoulder, \"that's cool\". I had to yell at him AGAIN. Do not stand over my shoulder you ass, it's only a matter of time before those two hens find my diary, so I better quit calling Todd & TheNewGuy hens. Fuck.Scary Dan wants to use my home internet, to look up diabetes stuff. He better not find this diary either, I hope I deleted the history files on my home pc. He would KILL me. If I stop writing here it is probably because Scary Dan found my diary and killed me. I better quit calling him stinky. Again, Fuck.
Todd sent me 62 t-shirt sayings, this was the best one.
- \"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!\"
We all work hard here. I should have stayed home with my stupid cat today, I feel like someone shoved erasers up my nose. Not pleasant.
From: imnost_1174
Subject:Come see me now.. Melissa !!
It wasn't the Melissa that I know. Yea, Free Porn. I love the internet.
...explain to me again the derivation of Kepler's Second Law?
~ Gerg69 ~
When I weighed 320, it was hard for me to reach around to my behind. So, there was
always caked-on feces clinging to my ass hair because I couldn't wipe it.
~ EdgarFrog ~
- I'm wondering if they do lazer hair removal on ass hair? And if so, I think that it would really hurt.
I may call in sick tomorrow, not
- \"I'm sick of work so I need to go skiing\"
Later kids.
9:10 a.m. 2004-01-16
total despair
Feeling much better today so I made it to work only to be bitched out for categorical lazyness. I should have called in sick. Should have.
i was in total despair this morning, almost with tears running down my face on the train thinking, why am i bothering to do this back and forth thing? this BREATHING thing at all? and then i told myself to fuck off and i bought a pair of socks with cowboys on them.
~ Common-tegus ~
I found out that 37 is pretty much the maximum number of rocks that you can fit into a dead cat's anus before post-mortem liquids start leaking from its eye sockets.
~ EdgarFrog ~
- Another diarist who belongs to the
category.
Dear Mr.EdgarFrog,
I was quite offended by that obscene display of young women's boobs and asses on your Fan Club registration page. I shant be party to such a organization.
Although for some strange reason it did put me in somewhat of a better mood and moistened my pantys a bit.
I can't even show my rectum to children without them screaming in terror.
~ EdgarFrog ~
- I just have nothing to say to that statement.
3:30pm. Being the male FREE woman that I am I decided I would re-activate my Crackho ad in Yahoo.
Let's just see what happens this time.
Crackho Last Year
3:35pm. Still no responses. What the hell is the matter with you men?
3:39pm. I recognize some faces on my matches that were on the personals last year. Maybe they are just waiting to meet \"The One\", where as I am waiting to meet the \"NEXT One\".
4:00pm. Still nothin. I'm changing my age from 91 to 44.
Cisco stock went up $1.97 today. I hope everybody goes out this weekend and buys a couple of routers. Yea, that would be good for me. How come I never see any router commercials of theirs during the superbowl? Maybe they never thought of advertising there. I should write them an email suggesting it. I wouldn't have to get a roommate and God knows I can't keep a man around long enough to support my sorry ass.
4:15pm still nothin. Fuckin men.
4:42: What the hell is an Icebreaker?
First Response
Icebreaker Message:Wanna talk?
1st line in profile.
- I spend most of my days restoring cars from the 60's error.
37 years old. classifies himself as a sports nut
I can reply to this Icebreaker thing for free. Options are.
There is no
I think I'll inactivate it again. This ain't fun today. Their responses are boring.
Horseface is after my job, I would have appreciated a headsup. I think I'm going to go out and get stinking drunk.
Total Dispair
9:25 a.m. 2004-01-17
Before I end up like Chang One Eye
I am NEVER drinking again.
2004-01-18 20040118.html
Pissing the night away
I don't have a drinking problem.
- See, No problem
Friday night I fell on the ice and hit the side of my eye. It looks like someone punched me in the face. A couple of kind gentlemen strangers graciously drove me home because I had lost my keys. It's only a matter of time before I end up in a ditch.
- These are the lies I am telling because falling on the ice is so boring of a story.
I hate telling boring falling on the ice stories. These stories are much better. This is so fun it just encourages me to lie more.
Later kids,
p.s: Please disregard yesterdays
5:42 p.m. 2004-01-19
domestic skills zero
I stopped by and had a little chat with the boss this morning. We're cool.
What happened to your eye?
- \"bar fight\"
Busy today.
My sister Murtle is going through a divorce and has to move out of her house. She wants to store stuff in my garage for a yard sale this spring.
I told her boyfriend the
- \"sitting on some guy's lap story\"
I told my sister
- it was a hocky puck that hit my eye
The \"sitting on some guy's lap story\" is the most believable because anyone who knows me, knows I don't like sports.
We went and had Mongolia for lunch. The Mongolia place is right next door to where the KenDoll works. My sister and I invite him over to have lunch with us but he can't leave because he is expecting a client. Ken's boss ask me how I hurt my eye. I told his boss that
- \"Ken hit me\".
My sister asked, \"didn't you break up with Ken?
- Yes, but it's been 2 weeks since I've had Mongolian
2 weeks is a long time to go without Mongolian.
Weekend Recap
I got nothing
Friday.
Mr.Next was at the Norm bar. He loves me. Awe. What a jerk off. I got drunk, Fell down and landed on my face, lost my car keys/dignity.
Saturday.
I took Scary Dan out to breakfast because he drove me to go get my car. Some guy thinks he recognizes Dan and comes over to our table and asks, \"Are you Dawn's Dad?\"
- Was Dawn's mom a stripper?
Scary Dan cracks me up.
Mr.Next calls and wants me to go out of town with him. Well that's just not happening.
I met Cowgirl-Wendy. She cracked me up.
- Why did that girl let her hair down it looked so much better up?
- I have to have 4 lemons in my drink. Not limes, lemons. Four
- Did you see how short that girls skirt is?
- That song would be just as good if they used the word \"HECK\" instead of that \"OTHER\" word
She was very nice and pretty but you could tell she was high maintenance. Her husband is in Colorado and she only gets to see him once a month. She would be fun to go out with as most of my friends who are girls, do not go out anymore. Pity.
The Italian Guy danced with both of us and wanted to come over to my house and watch tv. How sweet. I want to go to Rome again. Take me to Rome Italian Guy and then you can watch tv at my house. Not too hard to figure that one out. If only he were just a little bit taller. I went home alone. Again.
Sunday.
I went over to the mall to see The Return of the Kings movie which I was suppose to see LAST SUNDAY except that I scared Mr.GD away,
- which,by the way I am blaming on Karl for coming up and kissing me on the lips in the middle of Mr.GD and my first date. Karl was just being a pill, I think if that's all it takes to scare men away, they wouldn't last long around me anyway.
- This is just how domestically stupid I am.
Dan brought a pizza he was putting it in the oven and asked me to set the timer. I say I don't use the timer I look at the clock. He says that I will forget and then the pizza will burn so set the timer. I start messing around with the dials on the stove and the heat light for the oven goes off. I can't get it back on. What's this start-stop time dial thing? It's like I'm trying to get the oven on for 20 fucking minutes and I can't figure it out. I have to call my Dad to get it figured out. My dad is real smart.
- It's not like I put lettuce in the freezer, not mentioning any names though she happens to be my favorite sister. Love you sis.
Futuristic movies that were made when the twin towers were standing can't possibly come true.
I called The Good Dan later, he works out of town so I only get to see him once or twice a month. I was whining to him because I have only got laid 2 1/2 times since the start of the new year and I can't find anyone who will put up with me who is not a complete ass/loser.The Good Dan said,
- \"well I put up with you\"
- \"Yes, but then you kicked me off the farm, that makes you an ass.\"
if I'm horny, who can I have sex with now?
~ Captvfirefly ~
- The answer to that my dear Lauren is infinite.
- 1. Having no boundaries or limits.
- 2. Immeasurably great or large; boundless:
- 3. Existing beyond or being greater than any arbitrarily large value.
in·fi·nite ( P ) Pronunciation Key (nf-nt)
adj.
Miss MagicWhiskey,
If they had a brand of whiskey named \"Lucky\" you could be the model spokeswoman for \"Lucky Shot Whiskey\" being pregnant and all. Of course once you had the kid you'd probably get fired because no one wants to see a spokesmodel holding a baby on a \"Lucky Shots\" billboard.
Later kids.
2004-01-20
Listening to reason
I ask you, "Why should I not have
hours and hours of
- sock obliterating
- mind numbing
- toe curling
- hot monkey sex
just because he, The Ken Doll, is an ass?\"
Then again, \"Who are you people to me? Nothin', so stop bossing me around.\"
Just talking to myself. Nevermind.
I'm thinking I need to get my couch steam cleaned real soon. I am so weak. Aw, but I'm smiling.
2004-01-21
The Deluded
The only time I'm really unhappy is when I am trying to straighten up. I'm going to quit that, except for the financial responsibility shit. I need to get my shit together there.
I got my first credit card rejection, it kind of hurt my feelings. I never knew you could throw bill away until I met my friend Kenebinal Kelley.
- I'm not really sure what kanebinal is some sort of drug he was always taking. I couldn't find it under any drug reference site so I probably misspelled it. I am very surprised he is still alive. I have Kelly stories.
I never use to be this irresponsible. No matter. There is no debtors prison in America but I will try to take care of business and not live beyond my means. Not tonight though. Tonight I'm going out.
This is not HEART Idol ~ Simon
Don't these people have friends? The reason why I like this show is as insane and messed up as I am I would NEVER go on national television to have it recorded for prosperity. So then I can say to myself, \"you are saner then them there folks on that show, that's for sure\". It makes me feel all good about myself.
I felt sorry for the Heart guy. I've dated guys like him. I felt sorry for them too.
Yesterday my power supply blew out of my hard drive at work. They gave me a new one, it's pretty and clean. Makes me kind of want to clean up my desk area. Kind of.
Don't you have a girlie friend Mr.Bingoguy? One would think having a girlie friend would stop you from leaving highly suggestive remarks on some trashy internet slut's comments page? I think you are just asking for trouble.
- Are you dreamy?
- Are you asking for trouble?
Because I like to date dreamy men. Ken's dreamy. He says fuck a lot when I say that.
- Me to Ken: \"you're dreamy\"
- Ken: \"fuck\"
Like that.
It don't matter if they are assholes because as you know, I'm starting to think ALL men are assholes. But that's ok too, because I date assholes, almost exclusively. Except for the Good Dan, he is not an asshole even though he did kick me off the farm. I probably had it coming. I still love him, platonically of course, he will eventually cave in to my sexual advances.
\"Mommy, why does the monkey have a tail in the front AND the back?\"
~ Edgarfrog ~
- I'm reading this guys diary but I'm only up to July 14,2002.
\"One cop kept calling me a dumb motherfucker and a stupid drunk asshole. He really hated me.\"
\"Didn't you see the signs that said 'Unstable cliffs', you dumb motherfucker? I should take you to jail right now, you stupid prick. I bet your friend feels like a stupid asshole hanging on to that cliff right now, you stupid motherfuckers.\"
~ Edgarfrog ~
- I can say to myself, \"you are saner then Edgarfrog, that's for sure\". It makes me feel all good about myself.
\"If Albert Einstein were here, he'd probably lock himself in his room and cry if he knew the disgusting things you were thinking in the name of science\"
~ Edgarfrog ~
- That Edgarfrog needs to seek professional help and that's coming from someone who flunked a \"REALITY TEST\" and ended up in one of those uncomfortable white jackes .
- How do you study for one of those reality tests anyway?
I called
Mr.Standmeupyetagain because a few of us from work are going bowling tonight Metro Girl's boyfriend(now fiancé) is leaving for England. Mr.Sta is a great bowler and I wanted to see if he wanted to go.
- Sorry can't.
Hey, how was the movie?
- Me: I didn't go. I got stood up. (Mr.GD)
- Mr.Sta: I'll go with you next Saturday then.
- Me:ok then, but if you stand me up again I'm coming over to your house with a hammer, I know where you live.
He best not stand me up again. That's all I'm saying.
There's something invisible crawling on my hand and it is freaking me out.
CNN:
An Israeli rabbi has composed a prayer to help devout Jews overcome guilt after visiting porn sites while browsing the Internet.
The rabbi recommends that Jews recite the prayer when they log on to the Internet or even program it to flash up on their computer screens so they are spiritually covered whether they enter a porn site intentionally or by mistake.
And they lock ME up.
Later kids.
12:20 p.m. 2004-01-22
Call your shrink Joe, and tell him you finally lost it.
I lost my keys last night. AGAIN. I had to use the hidden key to get into my house when Caleb's dropped me off. He waited until I got in the house this time before taking off.
- Last year at St.Patricks day and I lost my keys and Caleb drove me home he didn't wait and I had to break the window open with a rock and climb inside but I cut my arm up on the glass. My keys were in my coat pocket, however I was wearing some other persons coat that looked similar to mine. Coat and keys were retrieved the following day. St.Patricks day was a big drunk that I can't remember much of except that Caleb was incouraging me to kiss this one girl at the bar where I lost my coat.
That's two full sets of keys in a week. They might be in his car, or at the bowling alley, or at Fizzy's, or the pizza place. Luckily I keep 3 full sets of keys just in case I lose the other two, which I have.
I think I kissed a guy who was 100 years old last night. Caleb was not encouraging me to be doing that. He's more into women kissing stuff.
I had pizza for lunch (not on diet) but I think it is ok because I walked four miles to get my car at the bowling alley this morning. I could have taken the bus, or called someone to pick me up but it's just my way of punishing myself for getting too drunk to drive my car. It's not much of a punishment though, because I LIKE to walk. Not drunk walking, I fall down on my face when I drunk walk like last Friday night. My face is almost looking like nobody punched me in it which is good because it is almost Friday again and I would like to go out without a punched looking face.
This whole \"partying with the youngsters\" thing is going to end up getting him hurt if he can't be responsible.
~ Captvfirefly ~
To Caleb,Metro Girl,Sossman:
I can't believe you guys, my so called friends, did not discourage me from kissing on that 100 year old man. I am disgusted with you all.
- Fucking so called friends
My keys were in Caleb's car. I feel less stupid since I have them back.
 | Happy birthday sisI love my sisters, except for Bitch Sister Shelley, she's a bitch but that is only the opinion of people who actually know her. My lawyer thinks she is nice but he only knows her superficially, I can trick people into thinking I'm nice too, but it's just a trick. |
Lots of stranger voyeurs here about in diaryland that I don't know reading my site. I think someone from work is probably reading it because I am getting too different IP addresses from my work address. It's probably Todd or TheNewGuy who's always sneaking up behind me to see what I'm doing.
- Fuckers.
Later kids.
9:32 a.m. 2004-01-23 20040123.html
What a good wife you would be
So last night I stayed home and didn't drink at all. I think I got this alcoholism thing beat. I did laundry but I forgot to turn on the dryer after throwing in the clothes so this morning they were still wet and kind of smelled like clothes that had sat wet all night. I had to put another bounce thing in to overcome that \"sitting wet all night\" smell.
I find it odd that I can stay out to all hours of the night and still have time to walk four miles to my car before work yet if I stay home I can't get my fat ass out of bed in time to do the dishes. I did shovel the walk because it snowed again. I wouldn't have walked to my car yesterday if it was snowing like today but yesterday was spring like, today is winter like.
I made a bacon omelet. I LOVE bacon omelets but they are like 8 points. Last year I got in the habit of only used egg whites for omelets and bacon bits so then it was only 3 points until I went down to Kansas to see Mom. I just couldn't bring myself to throw away egg yokes in front of her. Wasteful.
Ken left a half of a beer when he was over last Monday, I had put it in the refrigerator and drank it this morning with my yummy bacon omelet. It was kind of flat but throwing out beer just because it is a couple of days old is just wasteful.
You know what I hate? I hate knocking an almost full roll of toilet paper into the toilet with my curling iron cord because I was too lazy to put in on the holder. I hate that.
I was watching the news this morning and I see a guy that looks like a child molester or rapist heading for my door. Never mind he was just walking across the street.
- That was a close one
I put car window dark stuff on my windows so I can see out but they can't see in. I did that because a long time ago when I was first dating the Good Dan, my post office man got a show.
Dan acted all innocent acting like even though he saw the postman come up the sidewalk, \"I didn't think he could see in with all your plants in front of the window\".
I took Dan outside just to show him how much the postman could see. It was a lot. That's why it's prudent for me to put dark car window stuff on them. Kids you know. Lots of kids around that cut across my lawn to go to school. Don't want them to go home and tell their parents that the crazy woman on the end of the block was trying to bite of some guys peepee off or whatever I happen to be doing on my couch when they look into my window.
- My couch sees a lot of action.
Miss MeanDonnaJean,I think its a waste that cool artwork (tats) just end up rotting away when you die. There ought to be a way to skin ya and save all those cool tats for prosperity or heirlooms for the kids.
That's my million dollar idea today.
Cisco dropped $1.16 so far today. That's not good. I'm probably going to get a fucking margin call on Monday. Fuck. If you people went out and bought routers like I told you last Friday I wouldn't be getting margin calls. You fucking people.
And fuck The Troll for getting me into buying penny stocks in 2000 and losing tons of money that I didn't have. Although his recent stock tip IONA is up to $6.91 and I bought 200 shares around $5 a share. Of course I bought another 100 a couple of days ago at $7.50 because I had extra money in my day trading account and I can't stand to see money just sitting there even though it would have been prudent to pull some money out and pay off some bills. I guess I'm not a very prudent person, except for the not letting kids see what I do on my couch thing.
3:31 I've been working all day.
Horseface sent over a new crappy excel sheet with how we are suppose to do things but it is crap. I trained at the company she works at for a week last year and created a database that has how we are suppose to categorize the service tickets for that company which they have changed thing all around so it needs to be updated now. Mine is better because I can run reports off it and create nice web pages that sort everything and has a find keyword thing that makes it fast and easy.
- I like things fast and easy
She makes changes to her stupid excel sheet and then I have to go through every single fucking item and see if my database needs to be changed. I told her if she makes a change move the item to the bottom of the excel sheet so I don't have to check every fucking item.
Fucking dumb bitch, I hate her. I'd like to punch her in the face right now.
5:37pm
Mr.Standmeupyetagin just called and said he would be at my house at 11:00am tomorrow so we could go to the movie tomorrow. He best not stand me up or I'm going to be coming at him with a hammer.
I don't have any plans tonight so I don't know what I'm going to do. Hopefully it wont involve me losing any fucking keys. I'm going to marry Mr.Sta when I'm eighty because I'm just not ready to settle down yet.
5:50pm Just called The Good Dan he is on his way home from working out of town and is tired so he will see me tomorrow night. He would never stand me up, ever. Dan would be a better man to marry except he's looking for more of a \"wife type\" kind of girl. I'm more of an ex-girlfriend type of girl that's why I got me tons of ex's littering this fine town but I would marry The Good Dan if I could trick him into it until I was eighty then I would have to get divorced because I all ready promised Mr.Sta I would marry him.
Later kids.
9:33 a.m. 2004-01-24
I am not a Nazi
Apparently the *skinning for tatoo thing was thought up by Hitler to make lamps and if you start talking about skinning people to save artwork at a bar people look at you weird and think you're a Nazi.
I'm not KILLING people, I'm just skinning them to save the artwork. Fucking stupid people, looking at me like I'm insane.
Karl said I could probably get $40 on Ebay for Charles Manson tatoo on his forehead.
I think Karl was LOWBALLING me.
Karl didn't think I was a Nazi but Karl is cool. He's in a band and has an autograph picture of G. Gordon Liddy in his basement which is a recording studio. I'm going out with Karl next Thursday.
I bought my favorite niece concert tickets to the American Idol because I am the best aunt in the world. She is so excited, this will be her first concert.
How many Nazis would go to a Clay Aiken concert?
Probably none.
Fucking Nazis.
*skinning for tatoo thing
|
My landlady promised to buy a spaceheater, but I have yet to see it. Think she'd be angry if I killed her and wore her skin for warmth?
~ Unwittingly ~
2004-01-25 20040125.html
lost in your eyes
I met a couple of mutts Saturday night, Steve and his cousin Scrappy Rob last night.
Steve is African American, Chinese, English and NezPerce. My mom would hate that I was kissing on him because she is a racist. My mom hates the NezPerce for some reason, and the Russians. Mom thinks that all Russians are communists.
Ever since the \"save the children from the communists and devil incident\" I have been trying to stay away from Russians and the devil. Both mom and I aren't suppose to have guns. She is more scary then me because she is a really good shot. She use to shoot chicken hawks out of the sky that were trying to get her chickens. We(my sisters and I) have to go visit her in Kansas because her relatives convinced her we will have her committed again if she comes here. We really wouldn't unless she tried the \"Saving thing\" again. The Mom relatives are very religious and insane. -- the land of oz 2003
Mr Sta fixed my garage. I thought he stood me up again because he still wasn't at my house at 11:30 and he said he would be there at 11:00 I headed off to the mall without him and I was getting mighty pissed off. On the way I saw him heading for my house so I u-turned it and followed him back. He got a bitching out all the way to the mall for being late and not calling and making me think I got stood up again and I wanted to get there earlier because I wanted to go get a latte and get good seats. After we got are good seats and he bought me a latte I settled down and quit bitching at him.
Great movie - Return of the King. He sniffled more then me during it but I did tear up a little. I love the dwarf.
- Certain death, little chance of success, what are we waiting for?
When we got back to my house he got some tools out of his car and fixed the garage door that was messed up because I had backed into it unintentionally because it was so cold out that it didn't go all the way up and my ski racks knock the bolt to the bottom glider out.
I really like Mr Sta when he doesn't stand me up.
I had to go to Costco because I was out of both salsa and jalapenos, I normally wait for payday on the 1st for my Costco shopping but I cannot live without salsa& jelapenos for my bacon omelets. They had swimming suits on sale for $20 so I bought one even though it is the middle of winter. I lost my other swimsuit somewhere, I lose stuff. It looked pretty good on me but I cut myself a lot of slack.
Saturday night, Mr black says to me, \"I'm getting lost in your eyes\"
Me: \"They have done studies that show that the first thing men notice in a woman is her eyes and the first thing women notice about men is that they are a bunch of liars\"
Mr. Black and Scrappy told me really old jokes and were really funny. Scrappy is kind of an animated character and cracks me up. I'm glad I went to this Chinese dance place instead of my normal horse bar because the horse bar is way across town and the Chinese dance place is within staggering distance.
- Remember, Chinese food in China is called \"food\".
~ SaveCraig ~
I was headed to the horse bar actually but the roads were so bad and cars were sliding around that I thought\" maybe I should stick closer to home tonight\" . The Italian guy was probably wondering where I was. Mr. Black had to work earlier but scrappy didn't want to leave so I told them I would drive Scrappy home. He has a hot tub. I say \"what a coincidence. I just bought a swimsuit today\" how's that for premonition that I would need a swimsuit.
I like hottubbing but I think I may need to lay off those bacon omelets. fucking fat ass.
I told my skinning story to Mr black . he said \"you could just take a picture of the tattoos instead of skinning them\"
- Yea, for a BORING alternative maybe
Fucking Nez Perce.
2004-01-26
I got some, but fuck.
Mr.black called me at work and is taking me to Big Fish next Saturday. He's a photographer and want's me to make him a website. He might be lying about the photographer thing just in case I am one of those type of girls that like to get their picture taken naked. I'm not.
Steve the Weirdo tried that when I was nineteen. It really pissed me off. He was a masturbating to naked girlie picture pervert all right. I could testify to that. Always masturbating and bringing home used porno magazines because he was too much of a cheapass to buy non-used porno.
That's a whole lot of next-day apologizin'.
~ Sturge ~
Thanks to all you people and went out and bought routers this weekend. No margin call! I was kind of whining about probably getting a margin call when The KenDoll came over last night. Ken thinks I need to quit gambling on line so I will have money to support him.
- Ken says, \"I'm just trying to help you with your gambling problem\"
I say, \"he's just trying to boss me around, no MAN is the boss of ME\"
I explained all this to my mother in a reasonable tone, but I'm sad to report, her
response was far less reasonable. She started to say some fairly hostile and
inappropriate things, things I won't repeat now so as not to offend my younger
readers. But suffice to say, these were NOT polite things.
I am also now very familiar with the terms \"restraining order\" and \"ungrateful
shithead kid.\"
~ Idiot-milk ~
I looked all day on the internet for jobs for Ken today and printed out the ones I thought he might qualify for. Looking for jobs is depressing. I hope I die before I ever get out of a job again.
Or win the lotto, winning the lotto would beat out dying.
Some people would think that I'm a pretty shitty girlfriend normally, normally I am, but I think as far as a friend thing goes, I'm less shitty.
Fun Biology Facts: Your brain needs sleep to function properly, or else you'll go crazy. Alcohol dehydrates the brain causing it to not function properly and make you go crazy. So, when you drink AND you don't sleep, it's like you're dead....Except you're not. There was no time for sleep. All time was spent on gambling and drinking.
~ EdgarFrog ~
Ken is coming over for dinner tonight. He's pretty depressed because if he doesn't get a job he is going to lose his truck. If I lost my job I would probably lose my house. Ken lost his house last year in the divorce, the truck is all he has. He's a lucky man to have a girlfriend that can't keep her New Years resolution to dump his poor sorry ass.
I guess that depends on how you look at that. Some people may view having me for a girlfriend as BAD LUCK.
Weekend Recap
Friday:
AGAIN. YEA ME!
Saturday:
Called Ken Doll 1:00am --
What 1:00am calls really mean:
Instead of saying:
\"I know I've blown you off for the last week or so but I'm horny now and want a piece of ass and I can't find anyone this late to take me home and fuck so I thought I'd give you might be in the mood to give it to me.\"
I say,
\"Hi, Just thought I'd call and see how you are doing.\"
Just got his answering machine so Friday, Saturday night
- I got nothing.
Sunday:
- He will be done working out of town in a year or so, I told him,
- \"I'll wait for you, but hell if I'm going to wait alone\".
I need my kitchen floor replaced and the Good Dan said to get it properly done I need to pull up the old tiles. I could get the brown squares up that I put on when I first bought my house 10 years ago but I could not get the crap up that was under that. I even put an iron on it to melt the glue and stuff. A fucking hour I was trying to get that crap up. Luckily I started to rip up the tile that was under my stove and when I moved my stove I found $25. I took it as an omen to go skiing instead of trying to pull up the stupid tile. Skiing kicked ass.
Called Scary Dan to bring over some movies so he came over and we watch something about Mary, and Heavy Metal.
Notable movie quotes:
- Love blisters
- if you please me I may let you live
I like the New York Cabbie in Heavy Metal.
Later kids,
10:22 a.m. 2004-01-27
you don't bring me anything but down
Scary Dan stopped by last night around 7:30pm to watch The Simple Life with me.
- Paris is the smart one because she had to explain what a laundry mat is.
I didn't know he was going to be stopping by, he just showed up. I told him The Ken Doll was coming over for dinner. I was a little apprehensive about Ken meeting Dan but anyone who is wanting to live with me is going to have to put up with my mean old biker guy ex boyfriend showing up to watch TV with me and my Robert Redford looking ex-boyfriend, The GoodDan, who takes me out to dinner and dancing every other week. That's just how it is.
Ken was suppose to be over at 8:00 but didn't show up until 8:30. So I served him up his dinner.
- Aren't you going to eat? Ken asks\"
I say, \"Dinner was at 8:00\". I'm long past the days where I wait for men who are late.
- I'm kind of a bitch. Kind of.
Dan leaves at 9, Ken leaves at 10:30. I may be old fashioned but I'm thinking that if you drink 2 of my beers and I go to all the trouble of making you dinner and looking for jobs for you, you should put out.
Email from Mr.Edgarfrog,
In reply to your note about leaving notes, isn't it already fairly easy to leave a note in my Notes section? You should know, since you just left a note in my Notes section about leaving notes.
Incidentally, when are you going to join my Fan Club and/or volunteer for Women's Lib?
E.F.
Dear Mr. Edgarfrog,
I am not in the habit of emailing strange men such as yourself and as I have explained before, I was quite offended by that obscene display of young women's boobs and asses on your Fan Club registration page. I shant be party to such a organization.
Love Missk2
P.S:
How fucking hard is it to put up a fucking link?
http://members.diaryland.com/edit/notes.phtml?user=edgarfrog
stupid fucker
Escape from Neverland
Some people, who are not me, might find that game in poor taste.
I have a pretty full plate this week, except for Wednesday, I got nothing going on for Wednesday.
Man that ZooAss site is run by a bunch of sickos.
12:21: I'm having couscous lentil soup for lunch. Couscous is yummy.
I did ask her what she wanted to do for her Birthday. She said she wants to get
laid. I was a bit taken back, she usually bites her tongue rather than say what she
wants to. She thought she offended me, if she only knew what it took to offend me.
~ Rokazu ~
Feel free to skip this joke from my sister which I rewrote for her.
Sisters night out:
Last night, my sisters and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the sisters Wink wanted to impress the rest of us,
so she pulled out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us,
Wink licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, Taz pulls out a $20 bill.
She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill,
and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
She also rips open her shirt thus showing her well endowed boobies and says
\"What do you think of these?\"
In another attempt to impress the rest of us,
Kaytwo pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over,
and licks his butt then sticks the $50 bill to it.
Kaytwo is into butt licking, she embarrasses us all.
My relief was short-lived.
Seeing the way things are going,
the guy races over to Malibu Barbie!
Now everyone's attention is focused on her,
(which Barbie likes it when it is all about her)
and the guy is egging her on to try to top the $50.
Her brain was churning as she reached for her wallet
- ... What could she do??!?
The woman in her took over!
As the stripper bent over in front of her,
she got out her ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of his butt,
grabbed the 80 bucks, and left.
And what was Murtle doing during all of this??????!?!?!?!?
Hello, she is the reason the male dancer came over in the first place!
SMILES :) and starts singing \"Brown Eye Girl\" because she had a couple
of drinks and we all know that Murtle CANNOT hold her liquer.
As you know this is just a joke because anyone will tell you that
Wink hates men and would never give any of them $10.
Me to The Troll:
IONA is up to $7 now. I have 300 shares. I owe you a drink one of these days.
Replies The Troll:
I fucked up bigtime on this one. I had 3300 shares, bought in at 2.98. I got scared and bailed at 5.00. It hit 8 the other day. That was an easy 10K I passed up on. ARGH! I bought back in at 6.86 for 1000 shares. It still looks very promising to make money soon.
I heard that before
It was so busy today. I converted the inventory system which was on a piece of crap software into Access so I can run Crystal reports off it and make a nice little web site interface. I'm thinking I need a raise.
Later kids,
9:08 a.m. 2004-01-28
A lot must get past me
Cranky today, running late for work because I couldn't get my ass out of bed this morning. The KenDoll was keeping me awake with his snoring from 1:00am when it started to 4:00am. I kept kicking him until he stopped, 5 minutes later he started up again.I never realized he snored until last night. Figuring that I probably slept with the man at least 81 times since I met him and this is the first time I noticed he snored?
- A lot must get past me.
He already got a job offer for more than he makes now but it is in another town 80 miles away. That's a good thing because if he doesn't find a job in town, he can take that job.
I had strange dreams last night because I kept getting woke up in the middle of them due to the snoring. Not good sex dreams. Dreams where I'm trying to clean out my makeup cabinet and am trying to decide if I should throw away several eye colors that come in a 4 pack but there is the one ugly color that is full that I never use. I can't remember if I was wasteful and threw the ugly eye color away because I got woke up by the snoring.
Normally I want Ken to spend the night but last night I was looking at him snoring and all I could think was
- It would be nice if he would go home.
You can't win with me.
I think I'm going to get a fucking margin call tomorrow. Fuck.
Later kids.
8:35 a.m. 2004-01-29
Smokin crack
I remember KenDoll putting me to bed but I woke up alone. Maybe he left because I was snoring or maybe he left because I was kissing on old hippy Dave at the bar or maybe he just had to go somewhere really early. No matter.So I'm walking to my car after work last night thinking I'm just going to go home and have a boring evening when my cell rings. Why it's Mr.Next with the offer of his company and a couple of drinks.
Not being one to decline such an offer, I agreed to meet him.
Whatever did I see in that man? Was I smokin' crack? Did someone switch my Lithium with birthcontrol pills? What a good for nothing prick.
He asks, \"are you ever going to take me skiing?\"
- I say, \"I go up most every weekend if it is nice anytime you want to catch a ride just call and I'll pick you up.\"
He then says, \"you (meaning me) are unreliable\"
- I say, \"what the HELL are you talking about?\"
At this point he gives me his Elvis snear.
- I think you have me confused with one of your other skanks, you fucking ass.
Then I left, but I didn't go home, no not me going home would have been the responsible thing to do. I stopped at the Norm bar and Hillbilly bought me a glass of wine, then old hippy Dave bought me another.
- red pepper - breakfast +
- couscous - lunch +
- 2 vodka cranberries +
- 3 glasses of wine
Equals me having to call Kendoll to come pick me up. He was kind of whining at me for kissing old hippy Dave but even old hippies need a nice kiss once in a while. Just my way of saying t o Ken, \"Maybe I'm just not ready to have you be moving in\".
Scary Dan drove me to my car this morning, he's and old hippy too but I don't kiss him, maybe I should.
NAW. Too scary.
Later kids.
10:17 a.m. 2004-01-30
Smigger
Last night when I went to go see Karl play on open mike night, I was sitting by Scotty the bartendar who has known me forever because it was my old stomping ground that my sister Malibu Barbie and I use to go to every Friday a decade ago when someone asks if I was Scotty's wife.- I say, \"No, I'm his secret girlfriend guess the cats out of the bag now.\"
Scotty is laughing his head off.
- I say, \"wait until the wife hears about this, you're in deep shit\"
He told his friend Jeff the first time he heard me use my favorite line
- \"are you going to buy me a drink or are you going to have to move?\"
he peed his pants. Scotty is funny and told me off color jokes like
- What do you call a black smurf?
Smigger
That Scotty cracks me up.
- Please note I am not responsible for Scotty's off color jokes so if you have anything to say about it, talk to Scotty
For Dick:
because I LOVE hairy men.
Todd has a radio that is voice activated. He can say rock and a rock station comes on. He says classical and a classical station comes on.
He was driving to work this morning and somekids ran in front of his car causing him to hit the brakes. He yells,\"fucking kids\" and his radio tunes in Michael Jackson.
Friday, joke day.
I got a new laptop at work today. Wad set it up for me. It's pretty.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
Another Todd joke.
MomAtWork and I are going out for a couple of martinis tonight. I'll probably not get into trouble tonight because she is driving and is very responsible. Unlike myself.
2004-01-31
It's about time you begin to act like a young lady
Big Fish was an excellant movie. I asked Mr. Black if my joke was offensive as he being black would know if it is offensive or not, he laughed and said he had heard it before and told me a couple of other smurff jokes. I forgot them though. I forget jokes unless I write them down.
Mr.Black wanted to kiss me after the movie but I had not been drinking so no kiss was had. I need to quit kissing on guys in bars. That's all there is too that.
Saturday evening I didn't even go out which is odd because I'm not sick and I have money because I just got paid. Ken was not feeling well so I just watched old movies with my cat on the couch.
- And now I'm going to take you in my arms and kiss you,very quickly and very hard.
Saturday night on the couch with the cat wasn't too exciting, I wont be doing that again unless I'm sick or out of money.